Defeated

[elik]

So I have lost my job this morning, mutual decision between manager and I. Although probably not a great decision, I cannot be any unhappier and I need to sort my self out or I will keep following the same vicious cycle. I don't know what options I have left but happiness is clearly not an option. I am making myself physically ill. The expectations I put on every situation, the over thinking, the inability to see positive anything, lack of motivation, pure fear... The list goes on. I feel very defeated, I do everything by the book to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression but yet the feelings of discomfort remain the same day in, day out and to say the least, I can't be bothered to 'let it be' I don't want to waste my life with this dictatorship in my head constantly blocking me from freedom and happiness. I feel like I need to make sacrifices in order to find happiness but can't risk that as I never know whether the grass is actually greener....

[b0yer]

Have you thought of counseling? Admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery. Then taking steps to fix the problem.

[elik]

Yes I have had counselling for the last ten years, hence the frustration as I am running out of solutions

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sorry to here about you losing your job but if its any comfort...I went back to my career after being off a while and ended up relapsing 3 years later which made me question whether I could ever get better. I made the decision that my employer was never going to make any changes unless I made it an issue between solicitors and I didn't want to go through all that stress at my worst time to retain a career I had grown sick of anyway. I quit.

Its been very tough and I can honestly say that being unemployed has been a heavy issue on me. I have often felt like I don't exist in society and the lack of direction is a killer. Having so much time that just gets filled with anxiety & depression about anything, everything & nothing!

Spin on a couple of years and I'm in a much better place. I still have lots to do but I am not anxious to the point of exhaustion, far from it, and my moods are far better. If I had stayed fighting a moronic employer more concerned with arse covering than helping me, then I'm sure I would have been going through this cycle on and off for years...and in 20 years I would be looking back and saying "why did you bust your arse for an ungrateful employer who didn't care when you finally couldn't take it anymore?".

I look back and think I should never have gone back the first time, I was wasting years if my life.

So, if I can get better, so can you!!!

Right now, you are in a big rut and it will take time to get out of it and it will be very hard. It will probably be a series of stages, what Dr Claire Weekes called 'layers', where each stage means you feel a bit different, and sometimes you may go backwards slightly, but on the whole you will be moving forward.

Try Mindfulness. From your other post, you may have OCD over your relationship and it will help you with this.

I think to recover from situations like this, we need to leave a lot of these environments and find what we actually want to do or love again because we have lost touch with it. This may mean trying lots of things until something fits and for a while you may find nothing seems to motivate you, but you can get past that stage.