Getting harder and harder to deal

[chelsey8686]

It's weird, because I work myself up so much I gag, when I'm on a set schedule, but I hate not having one. I'm not depressed, because I still have the will to do things. Pardon me, I'd try to do away with whomever gets in the way of my doing things, lol! Like, I hate getting sick, mostly because I can't do everyday tasks like shower, wash clothes, wash dishes or do hobbies. But I don't have very many symptoms of panic attacks, and once I get out there and do whatever it is I'm panicking about, I'm fine. I feel really alone a lot of the time, but I don't want to go out with others that often and I feel they won't understand or will minimize what I go through. I noticed my panic getting worse, after my child was taken from me, even when they put me through endless supervised visitation. I also started to notice it getting worse, when my family started running out of money or I had to manage my own money. Living with someone else really enhances it, as well. I feel like a bitch, because the way everyone else seems to live isn't fit for me, but I never say this out loud. I just make do. That attitude probably comes from having money, not panic disorder. I worry I'm inconviencing others with my activities. Like it takes me a half hour to shower, and I lock the bathroom door when I do so, but there's only one bathroom where I live, so I worry someone will need to use the toilet. I worry thosec I live with are tracking how many time I use the toilet, too, and how much toilet paper I use or how many times I flush. I weorry someone will be able to hear me practicing singing, and find it annoying and tell me to stop. I've stopped opening up to a lot of people, 'cause I'm worried they'll report me for one reason or another, or outcast me. Can this all stem from abuse or emotional trauma? My Grandma threatened me once, when I was taking a shower and she needed to use the toilet. She also put me down for singing. My family and I have also been poor to the point where we've had to use dish soap to wash our hair and the power was cut off. The cops have also come to my house and threatened to arrest me for disruption of the peace and online exploitation for posting photos of my own child on FB, and the Humane Society , as well as Child Welfare have put us through Hell and back again. This kind of stuff never happened to me until just recently. It's also my first time living away from home, and I'm an only child, so used to getting catered to. So i just tell myself I'm being stupid most of the time and carry on with what I need to do, but sometimes I just want to be rescued from it all :-\

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya chelsey8686 and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[courierdude]

hi chelsey, i think you should separate your issues individually and post threads in the appropriate forums to get some better feedback.

piling 20 things together isnt easy to digest for someone who is reading your introduction and probably much more difficult for you to deal with unless you have some sort of starting point to aim for.

have a think about what it is that youd like to talk to people about most or first and put up a thread in the forums and im sure you'll get more people who can relate to you

[chelsey8686]

The reason I grouped it all together like that is, because I wonder if it's all tied together.

[chelsey8686]

Nobody ever responds to me much on forums... Should've remembered this. That's alright... I'll continue to suffer in silence, then!

[courierdude]

you bunched up quite a lot of issues together, if you put specific aspects up in the forums im sure people will feel more likely to respond to one issue at at time instead of absolutely trying to sort your life out in one go because no one really has that ability.

obviously things are connected because they are all happening to you-you are the major connection but that doesnt make it any easier to swallow your case load.

you have to remember that people are on here with their own problems too so dealing with one aspect of someone elses troubles is entirely different from trying to untangle so many different threads of a strangers life.

focus on a few issues, put them in the appropriate sub forums and you'll get a response.

bear in mind also that this is an introduction forum so not a lot of people look in here because they are busying replying to specific problems in the other forums.

[chelsey8686]

Oh, yeah! I never thought of it that way. That they don't know much else about my life, besides what I've posted. I guess, I just expected someone to recognize something in what I've written, and say, "Oh, that sounds like autism!", or "Maybe, you're sufferring post traumatic stress!". Or give me some consoling, like, "You're Grandma sounds very controlling and miserable, but it doesn't mean the people you live with will be the same way. Try and relax, unless something does happen, in which case your habits could be character defects that need to be worked through". I'll try to ungroup everything and post in separate threads, though I don't really know how...

[courierdude]

start with your most recent anxiety or thing that is worrying you?

[gemdrop84]

Just a small thing you have written in this post here, you said you are not depressed because you have the will to do things... I have just been diagnosed with depression/anxiety and I can function/ have a will to do things, it's more my mindset and how I feel inside that has contributed to the depression. To everyone on the outside I am functioning as I should be.

[katy87]

Hi I have depression and anxiety