OCD

[AndyJ73]

This truly is an awful, awful disease and one I am struggling with quite a lot. I'm back to see my therapist next week which will hopefully yield some progress/techniques.

I just feel like I have become some one/ something else. I absolutely detest the way I am at the minute and the thoughts I have. None of them are of my own making and it feels like I am attracted to things I shouldn't be.

I've never ever had any of these kind of thoughts prior to reading that article. Surely this means it is just OCD? Yet when I see an every day picture of a friends child (eg on facebook) why do I feel some kind of attraction/reaction within me?

It's absolutely awful. Any advice again would be greatly received.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Is OCD Andy, and if you look through some of the other thread on here you will see others, men & women, describing exactly what you are.

Think rationally about it; does a paedophile feel all this guilt. No. Does a paedophile suddenly become one because he reads an article about paedophile? No, or we would be going through this in the millions. Does a paedophile go through life as a normal person with normal drives and then is 'awakened' by an article? No.

You can apply the same rationale to harm based thoughts too. I've known violent people so I knew my harm thoughts were OCD because those violent people would have no displayed no guilt (maybe for getting caught or to get a lighter sentence) and some would have enjoyed it. Someone with harm based OCD doesn't act that way and had a lot of boundaries between their intrusive thoughts and actions.

So, remember that. And remember that you can even feel a sensation of 'liking' them but this is part of how the subconscious works because it looks for neurons top associate together and attempts to reinforce the thoughts with sensations, feelings, emotions and other thoughts.

You have to say to yourself "its just an intrusive thought, its not me and I know I won't act on them". Don't make that a ritual though or it makes it worse, is just an affirmation that can help in the dark times. There are CBT tools for counter acting thoughts (Thought Records) but I would always advise caution with subjects like this as people don't understand them. Your therapist will, its common, so can provide you with tools if required.

Think about the guys on the HA board. They can find a lump and it triggers distorted thinking patterns which they know are wrong but can't stop and end with further anxiety because "it must be cancer" and they can't focus on the fact its far more likely to be something common that will be gone in a day or two. Pure O is a bit like that obsessive distorted style of thinking.

Also, stop analysing it. Do it to understand anxiety but then stop because Rumination will reinforce it further to show your subconscious that its a valid thought (not right, just valid)

You really would find help in Mindfulness Andy. Therapists recommend these days and its very much geared towards changing how you view your thoughts which will stop them coming as your subconscious starts to see it not causing the expected reactions. It had also been clinically proven to decrease the density of the amygdala thatthat triggers fear and increase density in the part of the brain associated worth compassion.

[Jayamashey]

Good examples Terry. What steps did you take to practice your mindfulness? Did you put time aside to practice them or did you do as you went along? Also what we're the top few that you started with?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I started with meditation for about 25 minutes every night following a recording my therapist gave me that their senior guy had put together. I found this easier than following text because it allows it to be continuous.

I did that for a couple of months and then started to read about it online and tried to do it outside of meditation with objects and sometimes when walking. I had a couple of moments where it just hit me...I felt completely different. So, I spent that time doing what I had learnt. From here on, whilst I didn't get these moments, I did have a greater grasp of using it and could employ it even when in shops with people around me.

Looking back it would have been better to have more structure like the 8 week programmes as they mean changing the meditation each week. I would also have started with the mindful exercises earlier such as eating, object handling and movement.

[AndyJ73]

Evening guys.

Having a bit of a hard time at the moment. Does anyone else's thoughts shift from a specific anxiety to feeling really really down? Like at the moment it feels as though I'm consumed with feeling low. There doesn't seem to be any particular thing that gets me down, just that I am down. Is this anxiety about being down or is it actual depression.

All the what ifs are starting again too unfortunately. Like what if this is always me etc. I've read stuff about depersonalisation and similar subjects so think this may have something to do with it.

Again any advice would be great.

Cheers,

Andy

[Prospector]

All sorts of things. But you need to get it sorted out because it's affecting your ability to enjoy life. Seems you're having intrusive thoughts, like having thoughts which might terrify or disgust you whereas they are actually just thoughts rather than manifestations of what you perceive to be desires. You also are adding the what if/uncertainty scenario in to your thinking making yourself anxious. And yeah, you're going to feel down long term if you are commonly anxious and clouded by nasty thoughts you don't know how to deal with.

Recognize thoughts for what they are. Don't ever fight or question your thoughts. No matter how horrible they sound. Accept them. Eventually you can return back to a normal state of thinking if you practice this regularly.

Also, find ways to manage your anxiety. Look at the cause. Maybe you are getting anxious over getting anxious or anxious over negativity that doesn't need to be there.
Once you are better from this, you'll be able to stabilize yourself mentally.

[AndyJ73]

Thanks very much for your response Prospector.

I guess I've gotten myself right down in the dumps about the thoughts I've been having. I sometimes get some perspective.

But again tonight, I was watching Modern family and theres a girl on there played by Sarah Hyland. I saw her and immediately thought 'oh she's quite pretty'. Literally as soon as I had the thought I paniced and began googling to see how old she was etc. I still can't shake it from my mind. I've made the judgement that because I had that initial thought of her being pretty, that it was a 'wrong' thought.

I dont know how I would have been watching this programme before my OCD? Chances are I probably would have had the same thought but attached no meaning to it. But does the fact that I wouldn't have had any reaction to it make it wrong?

Sorry for the ramble...

[Prospector]

Well that's quite simple really. So you've got this obsession related to young girls and disturbing mental pictures and you're trying to stop thinking about it because again you are telling yourself this is bad (sometimes without even realizing it)
The whole point is, a normal person can watch tv, see idk a young girl talking and a strange sexual thought pops in to their head. They subconsciously react to this by thinking oh that's a strange nasty thought better (and thus dismiss it) and most of the time as a result there thoughts aren't even noticed. Every single person does this.

And you also carry the obsessive trait of pure o. You've fixed yourself with this mentality of good looking girls and strongly associated this idea with that of sexual molesting so the whole pink elephant scenario is popping up. My advice here would be is to understand the trigger. Which is easier than you think. Just remember what I've just said so when such triggers are present you can identify them as triggers to avoid uncertainty.

I used to have thoughts like this a few years ago when I became obsessed about IBS that I experienced for a large amount of the year (post infectious). So yeah it has a very strong link to anxiety. But at the end of the day, give yourself time. Focus on your life goals and ignore negative sources. I'm not going to say you can get rid of it tomorrow, next week and not even next month because I'd be lying. You have to give it time and so that it can ease out of your life

[shellym]

Hi, I have Pure-O and take Prozac. I tried several other meds and this one works best for me.
I am female and my symptoms get worse with stress and hormone fluctuations.
Have you kept a log on your symptoms? Therapy also helped me.

[AndyJ73]

Hi guys,

Thought Id post back again as I've been struggling once more. My issues go from GAD to OCD. I wish when I first went to see my therapist they had helped with this GAD correctly, as hopefully this wouldn't have brought on the resulting OCD.

Anyways, I'm still going through the usual thiughts. The worst of which are when I'm sitting at home and I have access to the internet. I think initially my thoughts were worries that I could go on illegal sites. This now feels more like an urge to do so and I honestly don't know how to handle them. It's like my disgust is none existent and the only anxiety is through worry and shame.

I'm really at such a low ebb. I can't go on living with these worries. My life literally feels like its on hold.

I try using the advice I've received, telling myself that I wasn't like this before I read that site, but I'm convinced I've converted myself in to something else. Is this even possible?