OCD

[Prospector]

I can't control your thoughts or make you better. That's up to yourself to make those changes. From what I've learnt about OCD, you acquire a very narrow mind. If I'm walking down the street and I pass a man who's minding his own business. I could think about punching him in the face for no reason. I could think of starting an argument with him for little to no reason. Anything out of the norm of what I'd actually do. I could think of grabbing a knife in my cupboard. Anything. If i had these kinds of thoughts, would I get worked up over them? No. Because they are just that. Thoughts. You're living inside your head as though what happens there is a reflection on reality when it is in fact an interpretation and can be taken subjectively.
So if you're on the internet for whatever reason, you think of idk child porn, heroin trade etc. your just interpreting a situation and placing a thought in your head. You're then putting a literal interpretation ON that thought and applying it to reality as if you were associating yourself with looking up such websites. Your anxiety encourages you to apply thoughts to reality as it kicks the fight or flight response which turns you on straight thinking analytic mode.

What is crucial is that you do not apply it to specific situation but on a wider spectrum. So your not just going to be content around these thoughts being dealt with, but that your thought pattern and reaction has changed on a whole.

If you listen to this advice and take it on board you can deal and manage with intrusive thoughts. Seeing as GAD is also a problem, I would also follow whatever your therapist advises along with simply soothing techniques. As you become calmer, over a long period of time, you will adapt to this outlook as far as behavioral reactions go.

Just to reiterate; focus on your life, set goals, hobbies and enjoy life to get rid of too much mental or emotional negativity.

[AndyJ73]

Hi Prospector,

Thanks for your message. I think the whole GAD and OCD has confused me and tired my brain completely.

I will give what you suggested a go.

Thanks,

Andy

[MyNameIsTerry]

As you said Andy, there is a feeling of shame, which is the same as the disgust as if you read about Pure O you will find shame mentioned.

I find that intrusive thoughts change as they strengthen. They can change to include other thoughts that become associated with them, attach themselves to other feelings & emotions or even memories. I've witnessed people on here start of with just the intrusive thought and as they became more anxious about it, they started to experience a feeling of 'liking' the thought. Then there people who have physical responses too but rest assured, this is all discussed in Pure O literature as the medical professionals understand the condition.

You are not turning into something else because you are fighting yourself and making yourself more anxious. Its documented that people with Pure O do this and make the same assumptions.

The GAD could be a key issue to address here. You can try and address the OCD but you may find it doesn't work and if this is the case, switch to addressing the GAD like I did because you may find it lowers your underlying anxiety levels enough to start addressing these thoughts.

Exposure is often used in case of Pure O but I would always advise caution in this area as its quite an emotive one and their are legal issues to be mindful of hence a professional would be best suited if this was to be used.

[AndyJ73]

Thanks again for your advice Terry.

My main symptoms flare up as 'what ifs' and then the fear of what those images are or what they mean.

The feeling of reality are what really really get to me. I know that the last thing I want is this and that I just want to be normal again. That's sort of comforting as it means I'm separated from those thoughts.

It's obviously not the guarantee that I'm after, but I've always has issues with uncertainty.

[AndyJ73]

Rights, im having the usual issues so I'm going to just vent on this thread. Hopefully some one will be able to analyse my thoughts and make sense of this all.

Ive already explained my struggles with anxiety and then the development of OCD, which plagues me still. The reading of an article lead to all kinds of worries and seems to have triggered something within me. Prior to reading that article I don't ever recall having any of the thoughts I am now stuck with, and the only incident was that of the lap sitting which I now seem to be using as evidence to prove all of the theories I fear.

It has evolved in to me looking at any child, be it in the real world or online via Facebook or news articles and feeling like I have some kind of 'liking'. The very thinking about liking this is repulsive to me. I simply don't want to have any of those kinds of thoughts or liking. This isn't something that is always on my mind. There are times I don't have these thoughts and just suffer from normal GAD 'what if's'. I also had a worry about two months ago where I thought I could search for illegal sites if I wanted to. This has now seemingly translated to an urge to want to do it. Trying to figure this out only makes things worse as all sorts of images come to mind.

I guess my main question is could I have changed because of this? Is this whats happened to me? Am I now confined to feel like this for the rest of my life? If not, how do I return to where I was? I know my GAD is still an issue but compared to this I wouldn't mind it.

I keep trying to reassure myself with the 'you weren't like this before' line of reassurance but it doesn't seem to be helping me and that reassurance has worn off. I'm really struggling to cope, particularly when out in public or reading generic articles about children or young people.

I think I might just not be getting this and that I'm too thick to 'get' the methods being advised.

[Prospector]

No I don't think you've changed. And I don't think you're too thick to understand it. I just don't think you've got the willpower to assess that the real predicament for you is the one that you are creating, not something that has been created. I'll try and give a more direct answer, especially for anxiety so that you can understand. You've got two separate issues to deal with:

Your GAD: Give yourself graded exposure towards situations that make you anxious. If you can't identify situations use a diary and use panic response techniques like progressive muscle relaxation. Remember to tense muscles are hard as you can and focus on that tension for a few seconds before relaxing. You've got to teach yourself over time that an anxious response is not the correct response.

OCD thoughts: It doesn't mater what the thought is, murdering, raping, pedophilia, disastrous, dangerous, you currently have trouble distinguishing thoughts and the meaning behind them. You're assessing situations which provoke the thought and taking the situation in your head as if it's a situation outside your head. You have GOT to understand that these are thoughts. Because it's so easy to get carried away with them, especially if you are anxious. Knock yourself in to reality and accept your thoughts as they pass.
You've got to avoid narrow-minded thinking and be open to situations rather than getting bogged down in useless detail which you could see as intrusive and unwanted.

Follow this advice and make sure you make a diary and set goals. It's quite clear you've built an obsessive mindset after you experienced trauma in the past. You've got to destroy this anxious/ocd mindset bit by bit using these techniques so that you can resolve these issues completely.

[AndyJ73]

Hi Prospector,

Thanks again for your response. I guess the focussing on symptoms is one of my main weaknesses and like you say it can be a case of willpower.

I read a lot about allowing thoughts to be there, but that was mainly for anxiety. Would you say that the way to handle OCD is simply to drill home the fact that these are thoughts, without looking in to them any further?

Thanks again

[Warriornotworrier]

Hi Andy,

I am a 27 year old female. Great job, busy active social life and I have exactly the same fear as you. If I told my friends they would think I'm nuts! So please don't feel like it's just you. I identify with a lot of what you've written in this thread and what advice people are giving you. I have never been to a practioner but I relate very close to GAD and OCD - especially pure O and this paedophile stuff. To Terry's point my obsession has switched. It was also created by the Jimmy Saville article and now is a different fear I will want to sexually exploit children, which makes me sick to my stomach. I have the same fear that if I now just see a child it's enough to make me panic. I can also see a child, think nothing and then my anxiety gets me and say, "ha - you nearly thought you'd got away with it then, here I am <distressing thought.>" It can make me very sad and blue as I know I could live a very happy life without this inner turmoil. I also know its just anxiety because to your own point if I wasn't fixated on this it would be on something similar. Just last week (for the last 3 months) I was obsessed with the fact I might have caught HIV from PROTECTED sex. While my fear of this was so heightened the kid stuff was barely present. I know it's an irrational fear but as you know, if you experience OCD, it can feel so real in your head. The fact you keep writing on this forum shows me you are giving too much time to your distressing thoughts. I am not one to talk, the very reason I visited the site today is because I saw a video on Facebook and panicked I had "urges" which a part of me knows is ridiculous. I think we both need to take the advice given on here and get distracting ourselves with our normal lives and trying to reduce our stress as much as possible so that our anxiety subsides. I don't know about you, but I don't think my diet helps. I eat a lot of sugar and junk food and I bet it causes spikes. The one reassuring thought I have that may help you...is that the thought distresses me so much because I find children so vulnerable and helpless, meaning they need protecting from all these awful paedophiles. That's why your own "thoughts" (really your anxiety) disgusts you so much. I don't have the answers yet but I promise you I relate to everything you say and I hope that helps you. Xx

PS, apparently only people with high emotional intelligence and creativity can suffer from anxiety - do you have a creative talent? Music/writing/reading/painting - you can get stuck into? I love writing (fiction stories) so keep reminding myself I must start if I want to give my mind something to focus on.

[AndyJ73]

Hi,

Thanks very much for your response, it kind of helps to know that I'm not alone. Although that sounds awful, as I wouldn't wish this on any one.

It's just the inability to be able to move on and the inability to tell myself that these are just thoughts rather than who I am. I do spend a lot of time reading and thinking about this stuff, which I attempted to use as reassurance but it only seems to be reinforcing the point.

I don't want to have this condition forever. I don't feel I deserve to have a life interrupted by intrusive thoughts. I've made mistakes in my life but nothing that should make me feel this down about life.

I know there is no miracle cure, but I try and get on with my life as best as I can. Some of it is still as it has always been, other things still quite hard to get on with.

Thanks again for your reply.

[AndyJ73]

Just a quick update.

Some of the thiughts seem to dimish when others take over.

It's a really weird one this OCD malarkey isn't it. Last week I was stroking my dog and all of a sudden had this thought that I could inappropriately touch him. I think this in a way has helped me understand that ocd can pretty much latch on to anything.

My main query is, how to allow those thoughts when they are actually there. So when I had that thought about my dog, I immeditely stopped stroking him and moved my hand away. This has now meant that I feel uncomfortable when I am near him. This is obviously distressing as I adore him.

In addition while on my lunch break today, I felt as if I was 'checking out' girls who are much younger and school girls. How do I handle this?

Again, apologies for all the questions, but you guys have been great with me.