my exact problem

[ocdkill]

i have ocd since teenage. Now worst form for past 3 years. I feel i m jealous of everybody. Suppose one of my friend has bipolar disorder. He has recovered well. When i heard that immediately my mind developed sadness that he has recovered and i m still suffering. If he also suffers then i will find a companion. This thought came for a fraction of second and i somehow liked it. But immediately i thought that i should not think like this way about a human being. It is bad for a good human being. I said sorry to GOD. But i kept on feeling guilt continuously for many days.. Same thing happens several times with incest thoughts, harming other thoughts also. I feel like them for a fraction of second. Then sorry to GOD and then immense guilt for liking immoral thoughts. Please help me. This is my exact problem. I m suffering. Please help MYNAMEISTERRY. Your expert opinion sought.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sorry OCDkill, I've not been on here much the last few days so I'm catching up.

I think a lot of people will understand the feeling of jealousy in that situation. It's born out of desperation and you need to treat it in a different way to the other issues because all people have these types of thoughts. As a religious person you know this is against the teachings you have received but you are applying a disproportionate response here because they are part of normal human behaviour. The thought of liking them, whilst feeling the same as with your intrusive thoughts, perhaps isn't quite the same here because it's unlikely to keep happening unless you find yourself in that situation again.

Having said that though, perhaps it shines a light on part of the underlying issue for you? I'm wondering if you have issues with overly harsh self judgment / being overly critical of yourself, self imposed pressure and a need to punish yourself? If it is, you could try working on these negative thoughts by counter acting them via Cognitive methods such as Affirmations & Thought Records. Maybe you see yourself very negatively and need to learn to love yourself to cut down on punishing yourself.

Could some of this be about self esteem?