Hi all,
I am glad I found this forum because reading some posts have made me feel less insane.

History first, then I'll tell you my current issue and hope someone has some words of wisdom! Sorry for the length... I'm going back to try to shorten lol.

I am a 30 year old female.

Anxiety whole life. Didn't know until 2007. Prescribed 10mg. Lexapro. Helped, didn't cure.

Tried to go off in 2008 because of weight gain. Unsuccessful. Had abdominal discomfort, got gallbladder checked. Doc concluded it was IBS which was previously under wraps because of Lexapro.

I stayed on 10 mg. until 2010, when I went to 20 mg. My life was wonderful! NO anxiety! But I am 4'11" and got to 184 pounds. No diet helped.

Finally, this summer vacation I decided I have been anxiety free for so long it would be a brilliant idea to take all of my summer vacation (I am a teacher) to wean off. It took me from June to September 8 when I was officially Lexapro free. My main concern was withdrawl effects and I felt none from how slowly I weaned.

Had the other brilliant idea to change my birth control from 10+ years because my gyno thought that was what was making me gain weight. I think that just added another layer to all this.

So, cool, I was great from then until the end of October. The next panic attack I had was on October 25 when I was taking my 8 hour long state principal exam (that was totally acceptable in my opinion.. xanax popped and cured it).

Then November 10 I got a fever while at work mid day and the nurse sent me home (I know, just like one of my students lol). I still felt horrible the next day and decided to visit my doctor (Veteran's Day so we had no school). Well I saw an APRN and her student nurse and they made me feel like a crazy person who had cancer... and when i said they were making me feel that way they said well no you could have Lupus.. what?! My blood pressure was 150/110 at first when I got there (went down to 130/90 before I left). Told me to come back Friday if I still had a fever (I did not. clearly I was lupus free). She prescribed me the Lexapro again but at 5 mg. She said fill it and take it if I want, don't if I don't. I asked if there was something else that doesn't cause weight gain and she took out this paper and said well the side effects of all these SSRIs say weight gain but not Lexapro so just take that.

Let's just say I didn't feel great about her so didn't take it. My pharmacy filled it because she called it in and I picked it up, but it sat in my drawer.

So I went to see a therapist on December 12 to try the CBT approach. This is someone I trust and who I worked with several years ago. She spent 2 hours with me and we decided I would talk to her for CBT and I would see this guy (not a psychiatrist he has MSN and APRN) who specializes in this and would be able to work with her. She's convinced it is my brain chemistry and I need some relief from medication. She also said she believes I have OCD that I had no clue about since the med had kept that under wraps all these years.

OK PRESENT DAY FINALLY! Called this guy on the 15 and 18. Had to leave messages on an machine (just like my therapist). Nobody has called back. It's the holiday, I get it.

The symptoms I have been having that have been getting worse are: over all anxiety. Waking up with that chest anxiety. Panic attacks where you think you're going to lose your sh--. What my sister calls "somatization" or what my doc told me last time was IBS (abdominal discomfort that is in different areas every day and sometimes never have them). And disturbing thoughts (they're going to cut open my stomach and it will be filled with cancer, I'm going to throw up blood). Pacing all the time. Difficulty eating. Can't be left alone, I have been staying at my parents during the day just to be around people. I don't want to go out and do anything at all.

Finally on Sunday the 21, I just couldn't stand it. Christmas vacation was starting in two days! I had to pick up my birth control (did I mention I switched that too after 10+ years? HA STUPID ME!) and asked the pharmacist if it was ok to start the prescribed 5 mg of Lexapro.

Went home and stared at that pill for so long. Eventually swallowed it. All that ever happened in the past when I started or upped my dose was the jitters and surely I could handle that. WRONG, WRONG WRONG!

Sunday and Monday I was fine. Tuesday morning at 4 am I woke up with horrible acid reflux.. Long story short, I cried like a baby because I was afraid I would throw up blood (OCD.. bad thoughts). Made my mom come over.. finally threw up (no it wasn't blood lol).

Have had HORRIBLE, UNENDING anxiety since Tuesday. The only relief I get is when I am asleep. Is the Lexapro making my anxiety worse?

I called my doctor's office today and he is not in until Monday. The person taking my call said that she hears this and has experienced it. Told me she will leave my file and the info for my doc for Monday and if it gets worse to go to the ER or walk in.

My questions:
-did anyone stop and start Lexapro again? Was it not successful the second time?
-did Lexapro make you more anxious when you first started it?
-Will this ever end?!
-Should I just go to the hospital and ask for help?
-that anxiety in my chest.. I just want it to go away.. I just want to eat. I just want to enjoy life.