18 years old - stuck in a crappy stage of my life

[hazmatz]

I apologize for the long post but I really need some help.

I live with my dad and my stepmom. A little over a year ago I started having anxiety and panic attacks and tried my best to work through it but it forced me to quit my job in fast food because it was too stressful. Now I've been unemployed since then and my dad keeps passive aggressively telling me to get a job. I really want to but most no-experience-required jobs are demanding and require me to interact with others (I have pretty bad social anxiety too, talking to strangers / co-workers gives me a lot of mental angst). I found a few that I applied for (computer shop, movie theatre staff) but both were denied by HR.

It's very clear that I need therapy and I know it's effective because at one point I was going to a CBT therapist and it was working wonders. But then somewhere my dad read that gluten could cause anxiety and he replaced everything in the house with gluten free foods. I thought it was working but at the time I was also withdrawing from 7 months use of benzodiazepines, so it's much more likely that that's the reason my anxiety was getting better.

But now I've reached a plateau that I believe can only be surpassed with therapy. I've asked my dad to schedule appointments for me (I obviously can't afford it) but he keeps saying "well you have to stop eating gluten completely that's what's causing your anxiety" (I cheat maybe once a week after being strictly gluten free for an entire year) and sometimes I get really pissed because he doesn't understand my anxiety at all and he also fails to understand that it's probably caused by him and my mom being shitty parents when I was a child; abandoning us and abusing us and doing drugs and going to jail and starving us yadayadayada but that's a whole different story.

I'm stuck in this situation and the one thing I really wanna do is just move out with some supportive friends and work a job that isn't too overwhelming for me. So I need some advice. Anything is appreciated.

[Oosh]

Living with your parents when you get to that age is going to be like that for most people - annoying and not seeing eye to eye. It was exactly the same for me. I also had bad social anxiety and the work place stressed me beyond belief just like you.

I think your "share a place with friends and get an income you are reasonably comfortable with" idea sounds like a good next step. Mums and dads are probably never going to say the things you want them to say. Give yourself space to be your own person and see the world the way YOU want to see it.
Do you think sharing with friends and finding low stress employment is a possibility ?
What about driving, any driving jobs ? Maybe dad could come in useful and get you your licence.

Regarding your social anxiety I think it would do you good to stay involved with and maybe live with friends. Social anxiety can be down to low confidence and self esteem and if they are areas you feel weak in then working through them around others is the way to go.
It can be quite transforming observing yourself doing better than expected around others. Your confidence, self esteem can rise very quickly and negative beliefs about yourself can fall away as quickly.

Anxiety probably makes you want to avoid but you can only make those changes in yourself around others. Be around people in a situation you can handle and work through how you feel. See that others are obviously troubled by things too and many are low in confidence and self esteem. In that way there are a lot of people the same as you who would maybe appreciate and welcome your friendship.
And thus your confidence and self esteem in the friendship you have to offer rises.

Google jobs for introverts. There are lots of roles that have less social stress attached to them. Maybe you can find something that would enable you to afford to share a place with friends.

There's lots of free therapy material you can get your hands on. Lots of books on social anxiety enabling you to adopt some new ideas and put them into practice.

[hazmatz]

Thanks so much for providing some sound advice. I really appreciate it. My first step is to find that job so I guess I'll focus on that more than anything else