The panic attacks are back

[izzybizzy]

So I was doing ok for a while, I think mostly cos I was sleeping with this guy again, a kind of friends with benefits thing, but we've known each other a good 10 years, and he makes me feel good and comfortable and we always have a laugh, when my Grandma passed away recently things started up again and I think this helped me to deal with my emotions or maybe I was hiding from them.

Anyways I fell for him again, this happened last summer and we ended things as he was getting over an ex. And once again I confessed my feelings only to have him tell me that he would be a rubbish boyfriend and that we'd end up breaking up and not being friends anymore would be a lot worse, so in true idiot style I got very drunk and had a big go at him via texts, I deleted him from facebook and he's blocked me, I let him be and sent him one text today and he's not speaking to me at all, and now I just have anxiety about everything, I used to talk to him about my panic attacks and now I can't, I'm worried and obsessed with my health again, I hate it, I feel so stupid and so used and instead of coping, I'm just using my eating disorder and having huge panic attacks to cope... but it's not really coping, I feel back to being on the brink of a nervous break down.

[courierdude]

breaking up can be messy and difficult. one person more left out to hang more than the other : /

[debs71]

So I was doing ok for a while, I think mostly cos I was sleeping with this guy again, a kind of friends with benefits thing, but we've known each other a good 10 years, and he makes me feel good and comfortable and we always have a laugh, when my Grandma passed away recently things started up again and I think this helped me to deal with my emotions or maybe I was hiding from them.

Anyways I fell for him again, this happened last summer and we ended things as he was getting over an ex. And once again I confessed my feelings only to have him tell me that he would be a rubbish boyfriend and that we'd end up breaking up and not being friends anymore would be a lot worse, so in true idiot style I got very drunk and had a big go at him via texts, I deleted him from facebook and he's blocked me, I let him be and sent him one text today and he's not speaking to me at all, and now I just have anxiety about everything, I used to talk to him about my panic attacks and now I can't, I'm worried and obsessed with my health again, I hate it, I feel so stupid and so used and instead of coping, I'm just using my eating disorder and having huge panic attacks to cope... but it's not really coping, I feel back to being on the brink of a nervous break down.

I do feel for you, hun.

I have had a similar relationshp with someone that when it was good, it was great, but when it was bad, would do NOTHING for my anxiety and panic issues.

Friends with benefits involvements are fine when both parties are on the same level with things - good friends, both happy for things just to remain detached emotionally - but when one feels more than the other?

It just....doesn't....work.

I have been in your shoes too. He wanted to keep things no strings, whereas I wanted something deeper, and this is where things get messy, as you kind of accept that situation and 'their way' to still remained attached to them, but all of the time just getting deeper involved emotionally, whilst they remain on the 'just good friends' level, and inevitably, you end up just getting more hurt, or else VERY hurt as you are now as he has backed off.

I think that it is pretty scummy of him to now just ignore you, knowing that you are vulnerable already. So you sent him some drunken, angry texts? So what. Whether he likes it or not, he was a protagonist in this situation you are in, and pretty much was happy to have his cake and eat it with you, but doubtless he would say that you knew what the score was (and that was very convenient for him) but still he should at least give you the time of day now. I know how this must be hurting you, and how you feel used, and it is no wonder that you are so anxious now.

It is hard to know what to say in this situation, bar the normal cliches which NOBODY like to hear after something like this, like ' you are worth more than that', 'time will heal/help', 'plenty more fish', blah, blah, blah.

All I would say is that YOU are what is important now, and not this guy or the mess that occured. Try if you can not to allow it to slip you backwards, though I know it is hard. Know that you ARE worth SO MUCH better than someone who needs to really grow up emotionally, in all honesty. x

[izzybizzy]

Thank you for your reply. I know you are right, I think it's because I've not got a lot else going on in my life, I'm not working, I'm on the ESA for my mental health problems and I have a 6 year old daughter, I'm struggling with debt, it all just feels like too much, then this happened and I just can't see anything positive for my future, and I feel hugely guilty for saying that because I love my daughter.

I know the best thing is to just move on and not message him anymore, which I'm doing, I just feel like i've lost a lot of friends lately, and makes you feel very isolated.

Sorry not a very positive reply.

Thanks though x

[debs71]

Yep, I know exactly what you mean, I really do.

Our situations are in fact very similar.

I was involved with this guy when my life was frankly a disaster...still is.

Resigned from my job due to my mental health issues - lost my whole career - no money, struggling to work for myself selling online, credit card debt, living with my parents....stressful enough really. Like you hun, my involvement with him was the one, good thing that I had to hold on to...something to look forward to and make me feel like a partial, normal grown-up woman. The trouble is that when it went bad, or when he would remnd me of how this is all no strings, it would send me into a tailspin downswards mentally which just added to the problems I had already. It was just something not worth the anxiety it brought anymore.

I know how deflated you must feel, especially with everything you have going on. Any disappointment or letdown extra feels like a kick in the teeth and makes things feel hopeless for you, but you can get past this and move on, I promise you. x

[izzybizzy]

Sorry to hear what happened to you.

Glad you got away from that bad relationship, it just drags us down further.

What job did you do before you resigned if you don't mind me asking, I look ahead and I have no clue, I've only done small part time jobs, I trained as a Reiki Healer but I'm too scared to set up, plus I feel like a hypocrite being a reiki healer but having anxiety ha ha!

x

[debs71]

Sorry to hear what happened to you.

Glad you got away from that bad relationship, it just drags us down further.

What job did you do before you resigned if you don't mind me asking, I look ahead and I have no clue, I've only done small part time jobs, I trained as a Reiki Healer but I'm too scared to set up, plus I feel like a hypocrite being a reiki healer but having anxiety ha ha!

x

Thanks hun.

I was a children's nurse for many years. I'd been struggling with stress whilst at work for a long time before I had my breakdown, but tried to just get on with it whilst being miserable in the job. What nailed my resignation was having a big panic attack on shift, and passing out. I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore, but it was not an easy decision. I knew 'd be broke and I knew that I had no career anymore, so what do I do, as I am not experienced at anything else? I tried for years to get work, signed on for some time but they just kept pushing me back to nursing, which I told them time and time again was not an option for me healthwise. But then the stupid thing is, that when I found a cleaning job that I felt I could apply for, they said to me not to as they said I was 'overquialified'!!!!!!!

In the end I told them to stick their JSA and have been trying to make my own money online since.

I thnk that you shoulf really, really give the Reiki a go!! I think that actually, your anxiety experience would be HUGELY beneficial for you as a Reiki healer, as you can empathise with your clients, which gives you a great insight and advantage. You wouldn't be a hypocrite at all. You would be a better practitioner if anything.

Go for what you really enjoy and have a passion for when it comes to a career if you can, as I think that happiness in what we do is so crucial, especially with anxiety. x