2 years on max dose of Escitalopram/Lexapro

[karenp]

Hi, I have been on this meds two years now and even though I am so much better today than I was when my life was just so bad, I couldn't function on a daily basis, I still take Lorazepam/Ativan too because I get bad days. Not so many thankfully and mainly associated with dreaded female hormone times.
I have finally come off the sick and have been on job seekers allowance for the past 3 months, what a nightmare that is! ha ha. Any how, I finally have an interview tomorrow for my dream job. It's for a photographer and though I have done any pictures and don't have a prob with people and even believe I can do this job, it is the interview I can't stop worrying over. I am consumed with anxiety and just wish I could sleep away my life until the interview tomorrow, which thankfully is early in the morning. I always make sure I plan things in as early as possible as I build myself up too much. I wish I'd not known about it until today though as I found out on Monday I have been shortlisted to 4 applicants and I have had butterflies, felt sick, had headaches, want to burst into floods of tears. It is just awful. Maybe it is normal. I have been a full time Mom for 11 years so this is very scary for me even though I badly want this job and a LIFE again. But my anxiety even on meds, just ruins everything and I am so scared I will totally blow that interview tomorrow. All I can do is get through today and tell myself this is not going to kill me, it is just a job and if I get it, I get it and if I blow it I blow it but I never used to be like this, so I don't understand why I am so pathetic now. I know it because my self esteem is so crap but I am so qualified for this job, so that is rubbish! And I am a nice person who is always friendly.
Does any one else build themselves up so much? Even on medication?

[Annip]

Hi Karen
We've talked before. I think that having anxiety before an interview is normal for anybody, even those who don't have anxiety problems. Keep telling yourself all those things you have written. You won't blow the interview. Tell them you are nervous because of not having an interview for a long time. Ask for a drink of water. Keep telling yourself you are qualified for this job. Write down things they may ask you and think about what you might say. You are like this now because you have a memory of being anxious but thats all it is ''a memory. AND YOU ARE NOT BEING PATHETIC ..you are being human. Think of where you have come from..I read your diary and shared some of it with you. Good luck tommoro.
Annip xxxxx

[karenp]

Hi Annie, how are you? My interview actually went really well and I WAS OFFERED THE JOB after all that worrying. I never took it though as it involved too much travelling all over the country.
My anxiety is really bad again though now. The Escitalopram just does not feel like it is helping any more so I am going to speak to my GP, just terrfied of what he will put me on though because of start up and Wd But just know I aren't well at all any more after doing so well I thought I was finally 100% better again.

[Sober2000june]

Hi Karen,
was wondering how you are getting on. Sorry to hear.
I've started pregabalin, maybe something if you've not tried. I always felt the benzos made me very low and aggressive.
Keep well,
Paul

[karenp]

Hi Paul, I think that is probs the only meds I haven't tried, lol. How are you finding it, I AM just like a roller coaster at the mo. One in fine, next anxious and very low but nowhere as near as bad as 3 years ago, gosh where has the time gone!

[Sober2000june]

Hi Karen, been on it 3.5 weeks Tbh zstarting to get a bit disheartened. Just trying to cross the days of the calendar. Grea t to hear from you

[karenp]

How are you Paul? The Escitalopram has totally pooped out on me and I am having terrible suicidal thoughts. I am really scared as I now have to go and see a GP and ask for a meds swap which will be hell and I am so addicted to Ativan they no longer help at all.
My BF is going back to USA this Thursday which is not helping at all, he has been here 6 months and I dunno if this is just my way of grieving or if I really need help. I am just exhausted from spending three year snow just never feeling quite right...the thoughts of suicide terrify me as I have an 11 year old son. My family have all turned their back on me. Coming on here seems to really help as you guys totally understand and that helps me.
Going to call mental health team tomorrow and just see what theycan do for me. Hope every one is ok.
My Bf was in Lexapro too and said after a year it totally pooped out on him too. I really wish I had gone back on regular Cit as it always got me 100% well but I was afraid of the side effects.