Break up

[elik]

Hi everyone,

I am at a complete loose end. My boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me on Thursday as he needs to reclaim his independence and be on his own for a while. He said he loved me and cared for me but has had to cut me out of his life in order for me to move on. I have no intention or desire to do so. This boy was/is my everything and I cannot just walk away. I have pestered him on a few occasions but realise this isn't what he wants as he wants space and a lot of it. It's like I have been thrown away like I am nothing. Have I ruined my chances of getting back together with him by harassing him? (Nothing mean said) I would die for him and I just want to hug him, laugh with him and it's all been snatched away. I need some guidance as being a girl with a history of depression I cannot seem to get my head together and deal with it. I wish I knew whether we had a future together but I know that this is something I cannot predict. He gave me security comfort and happiness like I have never experienced.

Any help would be appreciated, I am absolutely devastated.

Ellie

[youdontknowme]

Oh, dear. A broken heart. What a normal, human experience. I've been there. You're there. Just about everybody's been there. And good lord, it hurts.
Unfortunately, his lack of response is a sign that he wants his space. I would suggest that you respect that. It will be best for both of you.
I know it's hard, especially for us folks who have depressive leanings. As important as it is to grieve the loss of this relationship, it's also important that you don't buy into your depression's narrative that this is the end of your life. It's not. I know it is absolute anguish right now, but think a few years down the line. This will seem like a bump in the road.
There's so much more to life than this one relationship, believe me
Still, I totally get it. This kind of pain is especially difficult. (Hugs)

[elik]

I know it is a normal experience but I just want him back. Not being in his life makes me feel like giving up on life all together. I am drowning in misery and I almost don't want to pick myself up.

Thanks

[debs71]

Hi elik,

I'm so sorry about your situation. I know exactly how heartbroken you must feel.

Is it possible that things are not totally over yet? I only ask as your boyfriend mentioned he wants space and independence right now. Perhaps he just needs this time apart from you. It isn't unusual for couples to go through this kind of break.

In saying that, if things are to be more final, please trust that you can move on from this, although it feels as if you totally cannot. At the moment, it is like an open wound. It just needs to heal, and that only comes with time, but it does get easier, speaking from personal experience.

It is hard to envisage your life without someone who you love so much, and who you have spent a lot of time with. It feels like a giant hole in your life, but it isn't impossible to recover from, I assure you.

BIG. BIG HUGS to you.xxx

[elik]

Thank you, that's what I am praying on. I'm just worried I will never be able to have him in my life again as I don't want to be his friend I just want him to be mine. He was everything and still amazing even when handling this but of course he has had to cut me out of his life in order to get the space he needs, so the texts that I have sent him I get blunt responses back. I would do anything to have him back and I will put myself through hell to get that.

Thanks for your response

[debs71]

No worries.

Give it time, hun. It may not be things are final. He maybe just needs some breathing space for himself. I know it is so, so hard, but do try if you possiby can to hold back from texting him. He might just need some time with to think and do his own thing for a bit. I have had a similar experience myself. It is very hard not to want to contact the person all of the time, as you feel so lost and desperate without them, but often it works against you, and just makes the pain worse for you. You also need to take care of yourself here, and think about yourself too. xxx

[jimsmrs]

Hi Elik

know what you're going through, believe me. Focus on yourself from now on.

All the posts I've read to you are spot on, we've all been there at some point in our lives and yes it's hard. It's like you're grieving for what might have been. It'll be a slow process and at the moment it's disbelief at what he's done.

But rest assured you'll come through it and hopefully at the end you'll be a stronger person.

Remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!!!!!



Take care

[Rosie_82]

Oh Ellie you poor darling. I've recently gone through an awful breakup too and the pain is all too fresh. It's horrible now but it it won't always be this hard.

I think youdontknowme said it perfectly: there is so much more to life than this relationship. Think about the time before you and your ex were together - how you mightn't have ever assumed you would meet and fall in love. Now imagine the possibilities for all the wonderful relationships you can invite into your life, now this one has run its course. Think about all the lessons you and he learned from each other that you can apply in the future. Or maybe with each other again with time, who knows? In the meantime, I suggest trying your best (and that's all you can do) to give him the space he's asked for. He's not a bad person by the sounds of it, just has some thinking to do. Don't beat yourself up over texting him either - we're all guilty of having done that sort of thing!

When you say you want to hug him and laugh with him - that tells me you are a kind, loving, funny person. And whoever gets to be on the receiving end of those hugs and laughs in the future is very lucky.

xx

[elik]

I'm making myself crazy with all these thoughts flittering around, trying to work out what happened and how I can resolve it but I know this isn't in my power to know. I can only pray that he will realise what we had was great.

Thanks

[mark84]

I've sent you a PM elik.