Day 11 of DP/DR I am slowly getting on the right path. There is hope.

[GfunkAnxiety]

I have had a terrible, truly awful time since slipping into this after years of anxiety and a bad reaction to acne medication which made my anxiety skyrocket. Saturday was the worse day for me, I actually wondered whether suicide would be the only way because I was genuinely anxious about EXISTENCE itself and there was literally nothing I could do to relieve it.

My DP/DR really struck this morning driving back from Lincoln but this time I didn't let it scare the hell out of me, I sort of embraced it and let it pass. I thought that would be impossible but you can train your brain and way of thinking which is pretty remarkable really. I started to question which dimension of Universe I was in and my concept of time went (not sure if 2015 or 1995) but it's my over active imagination that kicks in. I am managing to slowly slip back into reality now. I think I have come through a bit of a hurdle there.

When I was in dentist this morn I had no DP/DR at all because I was concentrating on opening mouth and . That speaks volumes I think. When it first kicked in I was too scared to talk but now empathy and reassurance is getting me through this terrifying experience.

The biggest comfort for me is that I have spent my entire life avoiding everything because of my vast phobias (literally have every phobia) and obsessing over what if plane crash, what if terrorist attack, what if random tsunami/comet etc... literally ALL the time... Now this has hit me which for me is scarier or as scary as all them things and unexpectedly made me experience a fear that I have spent my life avoiding, I think I will come through stronger. I feel like a totally different person, much less socially anxious, made random friend in gym yesterday and didn't feel conscious at all. Those little fears like talking to people seem silly now. Don't get me wrong I really want to get the hell out of this weird dream world ASAP but I think it has happened for a reason and it can't kill me so I should just embrace it as an essential part of my journey in life.

I have to believe that and hold onto that.

note: 'At Last a Life' and Claire Weekes books (thank you Katki) have been a MASSIVE help as has Bignoknow's channel on YouTube. The trick for me atm is to realise that this can't kill me, it is a normal part of being human and I am not alone. I just have to hang in there.

I think I am on the right path. God bless anyone who is going through this with me, I am far from free of DP/DR yet but I have my hope.

[GfunkAnxiety]

Having a bad evening. Using my own post for inspiration haha

[venusbluejeans]

Liking the title

The path is a slow one and one with many corners where you can't see the end of the path.......but you do get to the end of it eventually

[JMA]

The trick for me atm is to realise that this can't kill me, it is a normal part of being human and I am not alone. I just have to hang in there.

That's the best stick I have found to beat this thing with.

Sometimes I address my symptoms, which DR has been part of, with the same reaction I would get if I stepped in dog poo....

...It's pretty shitty*, but it's not going to kill me.






*literally.

[GfunkAnxiety]

That's the best stick I have found to beat this thing with.

Sometimes I address my symptoms, which DR has been part of, with the same reaction I would get if I stepped in dog poo....

...It's pretty shitty*, but it's not going to kill me.






*literally.

Haha I like that

I seem to be struggling massively with obsession over death and mortality. I will address this with my therapist when it starts. It is an obsession that rules my life unfortunately. It makes me literally not be able to feel joy knowing we are going to die one day :/

My brain sucks

[icingsugar]

Hi. I also live near Lincoln usually but am on my erasmus year in Italy during term time, which is where I started getting panic attacks. At one point in Italy I was having panic attacks daily, brain fog during most of the day and the only thing that only remotely relieved it was going for really long walks from one end of the city to the other, but as soon as I got home I felt anxious again, and hey presto, by the evening I would have panic attacks again.

There was a few times I felt so disconnected from everything, I'd walk over the Arno and just wonder how it would feel to just jump in and end it all, but at the same time I knew that it was completely out of character to think this as the reason my panic attacks were so bad is because of my terror that I'm dying. How can I want to die to end the sensations when the sensations are mostly (or at least worsened) by my fear of dying.

I'm back in England now for another 2 weeks and although at first I was having attacks still and the foggy brain feeling I'm having more good days than bad, although I'm still nervous to return to the place where it all started).