Am I showing psychotic symptoms? Fear of schizophrenia! HELP?!

[Honeybee2015]

I am a student and I think exam period has triggered this (possibly), I just want to live a normal life but I really feel as though I am going mad and losing touch with reality.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety before but I have not seen a psychologist for a few years as the mental health services aren't very good in the UK once you are over 18 (I used to be with CAMHS).

I am reading forums about bizarre thoughts and anxiety but I feel as though nobody has thoughts as bizarre as this and I feel like this is a sign of onset schizophrenia. I basically have a holiday coming up too and I am scared of my mental health ruining it or going mad in a foreign country!

I am aware of the symptoms of schizophrenia and the main symptoms I am worried that I have is the delusions (losing touch) and I was scared I was hearing voices.

I had very weird thoughts and they started off like this; what if nothing is real? What if everything around me is imaginary and I am stuck in a dream/coma? Then they get weirder I think what if when I die I will wake up and what if my parents and loved ones want me to "wake up". I am PETRIFIED of believing that thought and giving into it that means I will hurt my parents, they lost a daughter already (my sister) I JUST want to focus on my future and make my loved ones happy not to become psychotic or delusional.

I first thought these were voices but I kept imagining someone going "kill yourself and wake up" and this scared me I thought what if these are signs or messages and I was actually wondering if people are contacting me to wake up out of that "coma" or even worse voices, then I start imagining aggressive people telling me to do bad things but this only happens when I THINK of them it doesn't happen when I am occupied or busy. I know people with schizophrenia think they are telepathic and people are talking to them in their heads and think things like this this is why I am worried, I don't want to believe these thoughts but I fear if they are true at other times I know they are illogical!

Then the thoughts get more weird about aliens ect. I am aware that these thoughts are very weird and I pray this is just extreme anxiety because I just want to feel normal again, I hope I don't have onset schizophrenia but those are the two symptoms I am scared I have - delusions and voices.

Sorry this is very bizarre any help would be appreciated!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi and welcome to NMP

I don't know about schizophrenia but a few things I do know are:

1. People worry that they are going this way when their anxiety is more intense. There are threads just like this on the GAD & OCD boards.

2. The issues with not believing things are real are also discussed on here. They tend to fall into the DP/DR and/or solipsism areas. Perhaps check threads about there to see if they match up. I don't know much about these myself.

3. Intrusive thoughts can tell you to harm yourself or others. I have been through this myself and there are threads on the OCD board where others mention it.

So, there are certainly symptoms of anxiety disorders in here.

You mention that the thoughts to harm others are Cognitive and do not occur when you are busy. Distraction does cut down on intrusive thoughts too so are you sure they are Cognitive?

[Honeybee2015]

Pretty much like say if I am reading or watching tv they aren't there but it's so scary when they are there I thought I was experiencing voices. Thanks for your help

[MyNameIsTerry]

If it feels like voices, then I wouldn't say they are Cognitive, as in you thought them, but they could be intrusive thoughts which come from the subconscious. These can feel real until you learn to spot the difference and they can very disturbing but they are not you, they are just incorrect patterns of thought that have formed.

You could see your GP who could help assess this or refer you to someone who can. Your GP can also refer you for therapy.

[Honeybee2015]

The only thing that assures me is that they only happen when I think of these weird thoughts, they don't interfere when I am having a conversation they only come when I am scared of them but once I'm scared it's like my mind won't shut upI was just really concerned of psychotic symptoms because I've seen people with schizophrenia and I am SCARED of ending up like that

[vekiqf]

Hi HB,

I have similar fear for last 2 years. I still cant convince myself that I will not develop it....such crazy things pop on my mind even If I know that it is b*****t I am still obsessing and think that this is a start of schiz. My fear is focused on paranoid type and every odd thought that I have I connect it with it. I saw 5 psychiatrists in last 2 years and all told me that it is OCD...but doubt exist. I can tell you that psychotic people cant realize that they are and dont have doubt about that so it is OCD bully

[Honeybee2015]

That's exactly how I feel. Do these honestly sound like psychotic symptoms? I've done research and "odd and magical thinking" is a sign or voices, do I fit into those categories, I know nobody here are professionals but an opinion would be so helpful. It took a lot of guts to write how I was feeling and I know how odd these thoughts are..

[Prospector]

Well it doesn't sound whatsoever like you're losing touch with reality because you're actively aware of these processes going on.
And no, anxiety creates irrational intrusive thoughts. I think you've got it completely wrong. Firstly you've proven yourself wrong and you haven't even realized it. You said "what if" which pretty much confirms that you are FEARING. You can't really make yourself insane out of these thoughts either. If you had psychosis you wouldn't be asking what if. Aliens would be controlling you. You'd be absolutely convinced.

[MrAndy]

I spent two spells in a pysch ward with many people who had schizophrenia ,they heard very clear voices not thoughts and or had clear visual illusions.Its not true that you aren't aware of either of these conditions the people I spent time with were very aware of the voices and illusions.To me it sounds like you have classic anxiety and need to seek help for that and forget about schizophrenia it's only scaring you.

[Prospector]

That's true Andy. but what I meant to say was that you aren't realizing you are descending in to madness until there is an explicit source of recognition.
The op is suggesting that he's making himself crazy or witnessing himself go crazy and absolutely conscious of everything he's doing when all that is present is skeptical doubt and fear. i'm saying that going crazy is a process that involves, as you put, people hearing clear voices so they do not doubt these experiences initially until they realize their symptoms.