I am a student and I think exam period has triggered this (possibly), I just want to live a normal life but I really feel as though I am going mad and losing touch with reality.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety before but I have not seen a psychologist for a few years as the mental health services aren't very good in the UK once you are over 18 (I used to be with CAMHS).
I am reading forums about bizarre thoughts and anxiety but I feel as though nobody has thoughts as bizarre as this and I feel like this is a sign of onset schizophrenia. I basically have a holiday coming up too and I am scared of my mental health ruining it or going mad in a foreign country!
I am aware of the symptoms of schizophrenia and the main symptoms I am worried that I have is the delusions (losing touch) and I was scared I was hearing voices.
I had very weird thoughts and they started off like this; what if nothing is real? What if everything around me is imaginary and I am stuck in a dream/coma? Then they get weirder I think what if when I die I will wake up and what if my parents and loved ones want me to "wake up". I am PETRIFIED of believing that thought and giving into it that means I will hurt my parents, they lost a daughter already (my sister) I JUST want to focus on my future and make my loved ones happy not to become psychotic or delusional.
I first thought these were voices but I kept imagining someone going "kill yourself and wake up" and this scared me I thought what if these are signs or messages and I was actually wondering if people are contacting me to wake up out of that "coma" or even worse voices, then I start imagining aggressive people telling me to do bad things but this only happens when I THINK of them it doesn't happen when I am occupied or busy. I know people with schizophrenia think they are telepathic and people are talking to them in their heads and think things like this this is why I am worried, I don't want to believe these thoughts but I fear if they are true at other times I know they are illogical!
Then the thoughts get more weird about aliens ect. I am aware that these thoughts are very weird and I pray this is just extreme anxiety because I just want to feel normal again, I hope I don't have onset schizophrenia but those are the two symptoms I am scared I have - delusions and voices.
Sorry this is very bizarre any help would be appreciated!