sick of wasting life :(

[crystal17]

I feel so low tonight, my relationship is so odd sometimes and i have a sickness inside i feel

Ive let my son down throughout his life, left it too late to leave now and he has multiple issues, all of which im to blame for.

Life is only good occasionally, every day is a new failed opportunity to change it.

Sorry this is depressing I know

[stars22]

Why are you too blame ?
What do you mean by real ship is odd it sounds like you need somebody to talk to whether it's a doctor etc hun xx

[crystal17]

I start CBT next week, plus help from Women's Aid - but none of them can really help me! I feel like if I could be helped out of the situation I'm in then I wouldnt have been weak enough to get into it originally.

Just made lots of bad choices.

Thanks for replying, just helps to write stuff down sometimes x

[MyNameIsTerry]

You can Crystal, this is just the first step forward in resolving the issues with your BF.

Take it one step at a time and see where it takes you.

You've had a tough time of it but you never asked for it and the important thing is what we do from here. Besides, your BF has put a lot of strain on your lives that you never expected or I'm sure you would have done things differently.

[Clement]

You have an awareness around where you're at. Thats half the battle. The harder half is changing it...please try to stop being so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can with what you've got. So get it... I thought all my days were crap then I made myself do alternate days. Crap day , ok day. Sounds pathetic I know , but just used self talk on a 'ok day ' to get me thru it until it actually became a habit and ok changed to reasonably good.!! You've got nothing to loose by trying.one day at a time. It gets overwhelming when you think more than that ... Big hugs xxx

[crystal17]

Thanks for the replies

Terry I appreciate your support so much, and you're right he has definitely created (and continues to create) stressful situations that I have no clue how to deal with.

@clement - I love that idea of having a good day then a bad day even though its hard to know what will happen at home with my partner, it helps me to feel a bit more in control by saying that maybe some of them can be happy days. Thank you.

---------- Post added at 16:05 ---------- Previous post was at 16:04 ----------

Hey Crystal, whatever you have done wrong, bad choice you have made etc... it is all in thee past now. You must do what you have to do to get better again and for your son to get better. Please do not blame yourself for everything, you seem like a nice person who is just caught in a bad situation, try and get those positive spirits up high

Thanks self blame is the hardest, but I do accept that it is him who is choosing to be the way he is, and I'm just stuck within it.

I will always have hope that one day it wont be like this