Is it time to give up on this mad?

[Avasmummy_x]

I started it mid November and have had mild positives some days it helps most it doesn't and is unbearable.

I can't leave the house alone.
And I am in a constant state of panic when alone in the house.

My biggest struggle is this horrendous fear of going mad I just can't shake it.
I know a few people with skitzafrenia and my mum and grandma both have very server bi polar so it only adds to my fear.
Ive just convinced myself I'm going to hear voices and end up locked away.

I just can't relax.
Healthy minds have got in touch and I have now begun with telephone conselling as I can't bare the thought of going out. Still waiting on hosp referal.

I'm just in such a bad place right now. I read on one thread if you think your going mad your most probably not. Which is comforting but doesn't stop the fear.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Many of us think about whether we are developing more serious mental health conditions.

I have spent time investigating bipolar which I ruled out.

I thought I about schizophrenia but knew about it but from reading about it I was clear on the fact its very different in terms of symptoms.

My therapist mentioned I had the minimum 4 indicators for OCPD as I finished therapy so I thought that was very likely but when I researched beyond the criteria I found I didn't display the resistance to releasing my behaviour was flawed so I ruled that out.

If I recall rightly AV, your situation escalated due to intrusive thoughts. Is that correct? If so, you are bound to wonder about the voices thing, I know I did, but they are more like whispers & nudges than the voices a schizophrenic would hear.

If you are concerned about that, tell your support and let them advise you so they can make or arrange for an assessment.

Its a natural fear given what we see about things like schizophrenia but it's symptoms are nothing like anxiety disorders and the medical world have a dictionary of indicators to determine which condition it may be.

[eternally optimistic]

you aren't going mad, just having a hard time.

I've had two weeks off work where I questioned the same thing. If we weren't sane, we wouldn't be able to ask that.

stay strong, things can improve.

Jackie

[Avasmummy_x]

Yes terry that's exactly what set my anxiety off as I had been ok for about 2years.
Whispers and nudges is exactly what I get. Mainly from my thoughts. I think about how in skitzafrenia they are told to hurt people or myself and then I hear myself say it in my head if thatnmakes sense? Which scares me even though I put and made that thought there. Just can't switch off. I'm making myself far worse than I actually am through thoughts.

My doctors diagnosed gad and OCD with the pure o for obsession with different things so it started with heart conditions, brain tumour and now hearing voices but as I said to her tihere is no magic test for that like an MRI or echo scan. Which scares me more because How do they rule it out, how do they know it's not more than anxiety? Typical catastrophising we do anxiety. But it never leaves. It's stuck in my head one day soon I'm gonna hear something I feel like a ticking time bomb.

It doesn't help I'm very bunged up at the moment so everytime I swallow or anything my ears crackle which brings more attention to my ears. Sounds daft but any sound or noise I hear I ask can say my partner hear it too as I fearit's not there and there's only me hearing it. X

Thanks eternally optimistic. Love your name. I've had this fear since September wish I could just get over it x

[MyNameIsTerry]

They can rule it out based on their definitions & indicators. Schizophrenia has symptoms such as hallucinations, delusions, detachment from reality and catatonia.

I think the fact you already had HA plays a part here. You already had difficulty accepting a diagnosis so thats going to be a problem in accepting this too.

I used to get the whispers & nudges, its not like hearing a real voice. These are essentially intrusive thoughts when they get to these heightened levels. In one way it can be useful because by understanding how they 'feel' you can distinguish the difference between a Cognitive/conscious thought and the subconscious ones.

Its how I learnt to spot them in order to start addressing them so perhaps you should consider the fact you have made that discovery too and that the working on them stage starts here?

[Avasmummy_x]

Tbh I haven't looked up the symptoms of it as I know I'll obsess but obviously the haaludinations part is the main symptom I feel. I get depersonalisation and re realisation a lot recently too which doesn't help with the detached from reality symptom.

I just genuinely feel it's happening or it's going to happen and it am red alert.

My friend has told me to just accept the thought and let it pass but it's I hard and never leaves.

I want to work on them I just dot Knwo how? Up at 1.30am not go it gt jr

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm doing some searching for my OCD at the moment and come across a description of differences & similarities between OCD and other disorders either in the same spectrum group or share elements. There is a useful comparison of OCD & schizophrenia that might be useful to you.

http://iocdf.org/about-ocd/related-disorders/

---------- Post added at 01:51 ---------- Previous post was at 01:38 ----------

Acceptance is one way. I know the HA guys put a lot into this but I find its not enough for me. I went the Mindfulness route because acceptance is one of it's 8 elements and I found it easier to work on some of the other elements until I could start the acceptance.

This is why I prefer Mindfulness because it doesn't rely on you learning how to be accepting, it guides you through exercises that include it and you learn it along the way.

Personally I find OCD is more about not reacting as opposed to accepting. If you train yourself to stop responding, the subconscious starts to view the thoughts as no longer valid until they end up replaced with new behaviours. I've observed other OCD sufferers report this too on the OCD board.

I did it through Mindfulness and my harm OCD has been resolved.

[hanshan]

Hi Avasmummy,

I don't know if stopping pregabalin will help and it may make things worse. Like the other posters above, I definitely don't think you are going crazy, but fear of intrusive thoughts (which aren't a sign of madness) can itself be very disturbing.

The Claire Weekes approach is to accept it and ride it out, but as Terry said, that can be difficult and doesn't suit everyone.

Are you able to see a psychiatrist (rather than a GP) to assess your medication? You have said that you have had a difficult time with ADs, but there are other medications out there which may be helpful that a psychiatrist can prescribe.

[Avasmummy_x]

I definitely agree if I was going mad. I wouldn't know it. I certainly wouldn't be posting about it as id think it was normal.
This use to make me feel better but the worse the fear is getting the more it's not.
It's frustrating how such a fear is taking over.
It probably is intrusive thought based as I still get my intrusive thoughts of being high up and urging to jump.
I'm still waiting on my physciatrist appointment at the hospital I was reffered back in September.
I start mindfullness sessions next week.

[lior]

I went on a date with someone who had hallucinations. She wasn't locked away, she managed her condition, she works for a council and still has fun

Seeing her enjoy her life made me less scared of being 'mad'.