Feel scared - break up has ruined me

[ncfcfan85]

I need help :(

Anyone who's read my posts on here before knows I have been out of work for a while (3 years) with chronic fatigue and depression. Not sure which one came first but I personally think the chronic fatigue which I started noticing back then cause an onslaught of depression.

Throughout all that time (2009-2015) I have had the support of a wonderful girlfriend. And she left me last week. She says she feels I have too many issues and that I am making no progress (such as a job etc) and thus our relationship isn't progressing. She also says she has her own issues to deal with (health, wants a new job, needs somewhere new to live) and hasn't got the emotional head-space to be able to be my support.

My world has fallen apart :(

I don't know how to go on. I went to my doctors today and had a breakdown, there and then. Proper in tears. He spoke to me for over half an hour and told me that I need to focus on myself, I need to be more glass half full and less glass half empty, and more I can and less I can't. He was actually giving some very good advice. He is also weaning me off Duloxetine completely and has dropped my dose.

But all I want is my girlfriend back and I miss her more than I could imagine and I feel on constant edge of panic. I am pacing around the house because now I have no one. She was all I had. I live in a shared house but the guys don't interact.

I don't know how to describe the feeling inside right now. As I'm sure many know, a breakup is awful, worst feeling ever if you're the one being broken up with. But combined with the depression, and the being out of work and the complete loneliness I feel - I don't think I can get through this :( I don't know where to go from here.

When she left me she had challenged me to win her back. But she won't talk to me or see the effort I am putting in regarding applying for jobs and I have also enquired about voluntary work at a local charity shop and they want me to go in. But I hate myself even more because this is all my fault!!! If I had done this effort before rather than being down and miserable, I would still have my girlfriend. And I want her back so bad :(

Can anybody cheer me up?

[wabbit1]

I don't think it's a case of cheering you up. I think recovery from this going to take time and you GP is right, you need to focus on yourself more.

I think the local charity shop is an excellent plan and I really hope you go for it.

It's not your fault, you just need help getting there. Are you getting any counselling/therapy?

[ncfcfan85]

Thank you for the reply.

I do need to focus on myself but I just cannot stop thinking about her - and it is driving me nuts. My God I have never felt so low in my entire life and I didn't think anything could hurt this bad.

I need to make the changes for me, well aware of that. Need to somehow be more positive and more optimistic.

It took a lot for me to go in the charity shop and ask and I hope I go for it too. It will only be a couple of hours a week.

I am not getting any counselling or therapy but I REALLY need it and I don't know how to get it, counselling seems to cost money :(

[c_james_2k15]

Hi ncfcfan85

I know this post is a few months old but just want to have my input i am going throught exacly the same thing atm ive lost my long term girlfirend my rock and my soul i dont know where to turn i hope things are better for you . well done for applying for jobs and the charity work

[Davit]

You don't have to have a disorder to feel that way, I've broke up four times, they always hurt. Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean she isn't keeping track. If your going to win her back then do that otherwise you don't think it is worth it no matter what you say, you can't just have her back because you want her. She isn't a car. So since this was a while ago you either did or you got over it, which was it.

[ladyjane49]

Hi ncfcfan85,
I have just found the forum after feeling exactly as you describe and felt compelled to comment on your post. I hope you are feeling a little better or at the very least coping. my husband left me over 2 years ago and my world fell apart, I had psychotherapy and he concluded that I had anxious attachment problems, he advised me to work on positive affirmations which I am trying to do! after 8 months I met someone else and latched right on to him, even though he has schizophrenia and treats me terribly, I can't let go and am going round and round in circles trying to break away but can't cope with the feelings of loss.
where do you go from there?

[Lola86]

Hi everyone,

I've recently joined the forum and have been reading back some of the old posts, I know this is a few months old but like you ladyjane I felt compelled to post, just wanted to say you are not alone with this .. and ask how everyone is doing now? Hope everyone is okay.

I've been through very similar thing, I was probably at my lowest point and my boyfriend left me, and put me through so much turmoil over it - although I know that's partly because I let him - and its been horrendous, been so lonely and was so scared to be alone and I'm constantly trying to work on finding myself again over the last few months and putting myself back together. He has said that he wanted to be my friend and to support me cos he was one of the only ones who knew exactly what I was going through but he can't really be there for me. I've spent so long blaming myself over it.

I thought what you said about anxious attachments was very interesting Ladyjane and this does also sound like me...

anyway, I just wanted to chip in...