:(

[crystal17]

Can't even find any words for how low I feel, I can't even describe it.

Just need to know its not just me who feels this weird mixture of extreme anxiety, with a weird aching sadness

[Katki]

I can't offer you much advice but I can promise you that it can and will get better if you apply yourself to achieving it. X

[MyNameIsTerry]

There seem to be a few of us on here struggling more at the moment Crystal and you've got a lot on your plate.

I've just had a couple of toughs weeks myself but I've worked out what caused it and now I'm feeling a lot better than I was. It sent me spiralling though at the time and reminded me of how bad it can get.

Do you have any time to have some outlets in your life or are you just slogging it out everyday?

[crystal17]

Thanks Katki and Terry, sending massive hugs to you both

Sorry to hear that Terry :( you make a good point that sometimes you can be sent back into feeling how you did a while ago and it can be feelings that you forgot you could feel. Sounds really complicated the way I worded that

How do you function during those times?

I can have outlets yeah, the problem is finding the motivation to do something. I'm starting my CBT tomorrow finally and got a Dr's appointment at the end of the week to talk about things at home, like we mentioned before.

I just find life really tough at the moment, every day is hard and then I get angry that it's like this!

[Annie0904]

Sending you hugs Crystal Hopefully the CBT will help.

[crystal17]

Thank you for the hugs Annie

Yeah am hopeful, need to do something.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sending a big hug back with some flowers on top

I think anger is only natural really, you've got some tough challenges and having an anxiety disorder doesn't mean those without wouldn't equaly be angry.

I think you need to start your CBT and perhaps part of that can be used to set goals that will help to motivate you / pull you out of this low mood period. They typically use things like Behavioural Activation which is a posh term for "doing some stuff you enjoy!".

For me, I tend to just trudge on knowing I will come out the other end. I struggle to incorporate newer things during these periods but I always add things to the better periods and then I see them as part of the routine in the down periods. This was how I dragged myself out of doing nothing & never going anywhere as it slowly reestablished a workeable daily routine.

Nowadays, its easier but I still need to be adding more things. I think once you start to recover though, you have more strength to challenge it more directly. You can find yourself accepting it and doing things that you may not really enjoy but understand they could speed up pulling you out of the low period or prevent you sinking to its regular lows.

Thats why I asked about your outlets as I was concerned you were controlled by your home situation and may not be getting a chance to release some of the emotion with others or doing things just for you.

Motivation can be tough. Once you make the effort though, you can find yourself wanting to continue, its just fighting beyond the tiredness of it. Sometimes going out for a walk can help with this or just a quick burst of exercise to get your blood pumping. Sometimes focussing on a mindless physical household chore can do it as its a bit of exercise and something to do to stop you ruminating & over thinking.

You can even practice Mindfulness doing household chores if you learn it first as some of the forms use object handling and basic movements.

[crystal17]

I would love to learn mindfulness! I will have to research it a bit. Yeah I agree, fighting beyond the tiredness is so difficult. It doesn't feel like a 'normal' tiredness I feel, its like an emotional exhaustion and every thought hurts.

You sound like you have a good plan for self support during the really tough times, that is fantastic Terry. It's good to hear you have hope always that you will get through dark days, I know at the time its so hard to imagine feeling anything but horrendous.

I think my situation at home definitely clouds everything, so I try to make an effort to do stuff away from there but then I get guilt put on me: "Don't you want to be around me? You can't wait to get away from me etc "

And this is starting to be from my son too

So to not feel like I'm abandoning them both, I stay in and just do nothing really.

Thanks for your support