Oh buddy believe me I am going through this with you. I find it hard to imagine I lived for 24 years on this Earth and felt content with being human. Now the very essence of being human is scary to me and I am suicidal, agitated, hopeless and depressed.
I love people too much to leave them though.
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Just wrote a whole reply and then it deleted...arghh!! Please stay strong...i know this is truly horrible and very upsetting. I keep trying to distract myself...learn new things or start a little hobby but its not working at all the feeling is there all over me constantly. I haven't been out in over a week as the feeling of being a person out in this big world and being able to think and communicate is just so intense. I just want to sleep in hope that one morning i will just wake up and miraculously be back to normal...but I'm still waking up upset that I'm feeling this way. I really appreciate the reply and as horrible as it is and so hard feeling like no one understands etc etc....Please stay strong. Xx
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I know it's tough, but that really will not be helping.I haven't been out in over a week
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I can relate to all of this soooo much. It's just this constant, intense feeling of being unreal, my brain is in a constant haze that I can't get out of. I want to sleep because it's the only way to relieve myself of the thoughts and feelings that have me so scared. I can't NOT think about it. I question if I'm real, if I'm losing my mind, if I'm dying, if I have brain cancer, if I've been poisoned, WHAT has made me feel this way?! I've had it for so long that I'm losing myself, I feel depressed and hopeless and not myself at all.Originally Posted by sugaplum01
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All you said there I can relate too. It's so scary...i too feel like I'm losing myself. It's stopped me driving and have been signed off work so I feel almost trapped. Its like I've never been a person before...the idea of being in this body as this person is so intense you feel like you have completely lost your marbles and no one truely understands what you mean. Freak out that i can think, speak, see, taste etc etc. I just want to be able to get up and be 'normal' but I feel that I'm never going to go back to being able to drive and be ok now that I've experienced this instance, petrifying feeling. Don't want to repeat myself with it all just so horrible.
Thank you x
Intermediate Member
Repeat away, it's like a bit of free therapy!
I "know" that the solution is to stop thinking about all of this and just BE, but no one can tell me how to do that. I've always had anxious and obsessive thoughts since I was a little girl, so telling me to stop having these thoughts is a completely foreign concept. Maybe I need to be medicated. Who knows. I've just totally lost the plot and don't know how I will ever be normal again.
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Hello...
Still struggling with this really bad! In fact I feel it has gotten so much closer worse and I'm really worried it is something like a brain tumour!
I just don't even know how to explain the feelings anymore but it is constant and so intense! I'm really scared of it now and so upset that this can't be from anxiety and what if it gets even worse!? I feel so strange to be a person like I just haven't even been here before...struggle to go out as the feeling is horrible and everything is so overwhelming like I've never experienced life at all before! Can you relate to this being so bad just from anxiety?!
Thank you again x
Intermediate Member
Hey sugarplum, I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling so badly. I know exactly what you're feeling, and it's pretty unlikely we both have a brain tumour, right?! It's crazy that anxiety can cause all of this, but IT CAN, I promise.
Like you, I felt like I was getting worse. Just the fact that it kept going on and on meant I was farther away from the person I was before the DP/DR and I felt like I was losing myself. I've been on citalopram for 4 weeks now and I'm starting to feel the slightest bit better. In fact, today I had an absolutely horrible intrusive thought about going crazy, one I've never had before, and a month ago that would've set me off into the most horrible panic attack and downward spiral, convinced I was that much closer to losing my mind for good. But for the first time in 3.5 years, today I was able to think "hm, that would be weird but I would cope" and I left it at that. I didn't panic! It was so strange and subtle but WOW, that was a good feeling. I still feel depersonalised and still have a lot of intrusive thoughts, but I feel I'm finally on the path to getting better.
Are you off of the citalopram now? Maybe a slower start on it would help? I was on 10mg for 3.5 weeks (I felt pretty awful for some of that but kept going) and now I've been on 20mg for 3 days.
Big hugs to you.
omg I can so totally totally relate to this!!! I am acctually so happy to see i am not the only one who goes through exactly all this crap!!
has anyone heard of GfunkAnxiety again? I am really worried when people describe themselves as suicidal! I just wrote him an email to check in on him FYI.
---------- Post added at 11:45 ---------- Previous post was at 11:28 ----------
as to the actual post from sugarplum:
I have suffered from DR for about 6 months now and the hardest thing for me at the moment is that my head still behaves like it is trapped in DR even though I acctually don't feel like I am still in DR. Like, I cannot acctually forget this horrible state/prspective and still see the world so strange now, my own identity seems vanished, I am just not the same. Today while I was outside my head could only make me think about my own perception, I saw everything like a movie or something and am still wondering how and if things are real and all, I am like a ominiscent observer in my head and I don't get my feet back on the floor even though the hardest part should be over. And i try to just forget about it all and return to normal but i feel like how the hell can I forget about this horrible state that i went through?! I can't just go on like before, my whole world perception is different. The DR has left me most days but my brain still terrorises me with a shattered perception of myself, my memopries, my identity, my sourroundings, my body, my family etc.
Last edited by lisa0406; 10-05-15 at 12:34.
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