I managed to go on a bus today!!

[Under~The~Stars]

Hey guys, I have been having such a bad time of it lately. Even considered giving up on life.

However today was a bit better as I was forced into getting on a bus. This is something I haven't been able to do due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I've been seeing a psychologist and he has been trying to get me to confront my fears - the only way to get over them is to face them aparently.

This week my tasks were:

To go to college on Thursday for at least an hour, after that hour I was allowed to leave. However, I didn't manage it at all :(

I was to get on a bus at least 3 times before next seeing him. I was to get on the bus, and get off 3 or 4 stops down the road, then get back on and keep getting on and off the bus until the anxiety halved. My mum would get on the bus with me the first time, then next time I was to leave her at the bus stop and get on myself and she would wait for me, and after that I was to do the whole thing myself. I have been feeling really crap recently (some of you may know if you read my topic "scared" in the depression from panic/anxiety.) So I didn't feel up to doing any of what he had asked me to do. But today, my mum forced me into getting on the bus. If she hadn't forced me then I wouldn't have done it, not because I don't want to get better but because I have been feeling so down. It takes a lot out of you.

So anyway, today............

I was really anxious i.e. my chest and stomach were both sore, I was dizzy, sweating and just had this fear. I walked to the bus stop like this and kept wanting to turn back, but I didn't. I thought to myself - "I can do this". Was waiting for the bus - felt like forever. I felt like everyone was looking at me, but they probably weren't. Finally the bus arrived and I got on it with my mum. Instead of getting off 3 stops up the road - I managed to stay on the bus for 20 minutes and went to the shops. It wasn't easy - I was scared that I was going to panic in front of everone and then I felt sick and kept thinking "what do I do if I'm going to be sick". I felt trapped, but I stayed with all the feelings and told myself it was anxiety. I felt so good after getting off the bus as this was a huge achievement for me. After going round the shops with my mum, we headed back to the bus stop to go home and I got on and the anxiety was nowhere near the same as it was the first time! I think this maybe had something to do with the fact that I was going home - I knew I was going back to safety. But I was so pleased that I had managed to get on the bus in the first place!

I now feel quite confident that I could do it again - maybe not on my own yet, but certainly with my mum.

So I failed the task of college, but think I made up for it as I done better than expected with the bus (went further than I was asked to).

There is hope!

However, this is only the beginning of my huge journey back to freedom.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!

Louise xxx

[manmoor]

Hey Lou firstly a big well done to you hun and second all the luck in the world coming your way. Big hugs and positive vibes hun. xxx

Take Care

Mandyxx

[den64]

well done louise, even in the face of panic you didnt give up, it just goes to show what determination youve got, once again a big well done and congratulations

best wishes

denise

[weepinky]

Hey well done Louise, you have just proved you are stronger than all those awful feelings and that takes some doing!!! Onwards and upwards!!!


Take Care



Pinky

[samc100]

Oooh well done.
I think going on buses is pretty stressful when you are fighting fit.
Hope you have many joyous bus rides to come.

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Louse,

Great job and congratulations. I call that a huge success. You fought the fear and came out on the other side.

Belxx

"Our thoughts are our reality"

[yorkylover]

Well Done.[Yeah!][:P][:P][:P]I havent been on a bus for about 20 years now.

Ellen XX

[sandlin]

Thats fantastic- well done you.

Linda xx

[Piglet]

I think you have been very very brave - you faced things you really didn't want to do feeling tense and aprehensive and still went ahead and did them.

I think people who have anxiety/panic/depression etc are amongst the bravest in the land - so be very proud of yourself hun!!

It was a lovely post to read and each little step (or big step in this case) is a step forward to accepting and managing your fears![8D]

A massive well done

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[trac67]

Well done Louise, that is brilliant to hear how well you did

Onwards and upwards from now on.

Love

Trac xx

'Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain'