I actually went out further than I have been in about a month. My friend wanted to meet me in the city centre, something I would have had no problem with before my anxiety and depression took hold. She came and collected me in a taxi and said we would have a couple of drinks and see how I felt.
All day yesterday I worked myself up thinking and worrying about how I would feel and what if something happened to me whilst I was out(my usual thoughts these days hence me being housebound!)
I had a few drops of my rescue remedy, took some deep breaths and got in the taxi, as it got nearer the city centre my panic was trying to rise but I kept talking it down saying in my head "it's going to be alright" over and over.
We got out of the taxi and went to a bar which I have been in many times before all this started. I took some more deep breaths and we went inside and I kept thinking to myself nothing is going to happen to you and no one in this place knows that there is anything wrrong with you.
My friend got the drinks and I felt really uneasy for quite a while with the music and busy atmosophere, I got the usual niggling pain at the left hand side of my head which seems to appear when I am i a stressful environment.
Anyway after a drink I seemed to relax a little bit and even managed to start enjoying myself although I was still aware my tense shoulders. I stayed out for about 4 hours, when I got home I was so pleased that I had managed to do this as it has become a big fear of mine.
Hopefully when I finally get a counsellor they will help me to set and achieve other goals.
Now that I am home, again I feel it wil be difficult to go out again but I must keep trying.
Bit long winded but I had to write it down to believe I had done it!!
Helen x
Reply With Quote
