Anyone else 30+ living at home?

[NervousA1]

Hi is there anyone else here in a similar situation, because of their Social anxiety/depression?

I am a 35 year old male, that still lives at home with their mum and brother... Had a tough time growing up... I have always lacked self confidence and never really mixed with anyone ever.

Find I am very self conscious around people, I don't talk unless i really have to. Didn't get a job until I was 27 years old, was signed off sick and on JSA on and off and on antidepressants. I've managed to hold on to the job for 8 years now.

Should I feel like a loser for living at home? I have no friends outside of work. I see other people they all look so happy with their partners/kids, the works.

Feel as though it's too late for me now to have any of that, can't imagine being comfortable around people. It sucks gets me down.


Anyone else out there in the same or similar situation?

[MrAndy]

lots of people with or without mental health issues live at home with parents at your age,most young people do it because they cant afford a place of their own.It is really nothing to be ashamed of and your not a loser

[charliepanayi]

I'm 32 and living with my parents/brother. I can't face the thought of living with strangers but I feel very embarrassed still living at home at my age.

[debs71]

Yep, but not 30 plus, 40 plus!

I'm in a very similar situation. 43 years old, resigned from my nursing job in 2009 after 10 years due to my mental health issues (depression, GAD and panic attacks) and the only time I ever left home was the 3 years I spent at Uni. I live with my parents and cannot see any way that will change any time soon, given my small income and lack of prospects. I have no friends at all locally, just one in Wales and another in Spain. I don't go out at all....only with my family, but then I am not a social bunny and never have been. I would rather stay at home with a large tea, a large bar of chocolate and some 'Eastenders', lol.

I know how you feel. I get down very often when I see people I went to school with, peers, etc. who have flourished in life, have their own families and homes, etc. I too feel lke a loser because of it, but then I try to remind myself that there but for the grace of God go they, and our situations are not our fault or choosing, and it doesn't make us lower grade people than them, just different.

Keep you chin up. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, and are certainly not alone.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yeah, 39 in my case.

My anxiety only developed when I hit 30. I decided to stay at home and save for a home and then when I had my money together and was considering buying a house...my GAD hit and I didn't dare move out even when I was working again as I was too worried I would relapse and end up struggling on benefits or worse! So, I stayed at home, relapsed anyway and here I am...living off my mortgage deposit (no benefits).

I too feel like a failure and if people ask me about this situation I will just change the subject as I find it embarrassing at my age. Its certainly a problem if you are thinking of any dating as its not exactly socially acceptable so many people will judge considering the people you see living at home so late in life on the TV tend to be people with real problems. As a man, and someone used to having roles where I had to be confident & assertive, I feel less of a man for needing to live with my parents when I should be the head of my own family (well, equal head!)

I too feel like I've missed out on family. I don't see that happening and being a man, I will be limiited by my partner (that sounds horrible, but its just the reality and I wouldn't ever attach any blame to it as its my issue that I could lose out due to losing the last 9 years).

[theharvestmouse]

Lived away at uni from 19-21, then dropped out. Lived at home until I was 31, apart from 2 months sharing a house with a friend (when I was 25) and also 3 months working abroad.

Then a year ago I was able to afford to move out into a rented house on my own, even though it caused me anxiety when moving (even things like going into the estate agents to speak to them) overall it did help my confidence and self esteem. At my parents I spent so much time in my bedroom because it was the only place I felt I could get space. But as a 31 year old I felt more like a teenager. I get on with my parents but I felt the longer I was there I could end up just being someone who never leaves. Meanwhile my siblings are married with children.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Lived away at uni from 19-21, then dropped out. Lived at home until I was 31, apart from 2 months sharing a house with a friend (when I was 25) and also 3 months working abroad.

Then a year ago I was able to afford to move out into a rented house on my own, even though it caused me anxiety when moving (even things like going into the estate agents to speak to them) overall it did help my confidence and self esteem. At my parents I spent so much time in my bedroom because it was the only place I felt I could get space. But as a 31 year old I felt more like a teenager. I get on with my parents but I felt the longer I was there I could end up just being someone who never leaves. Meanwhile my siblings are married with children.

I get on with mine too.

I do find that no matter what you achieve and how much responsibility you have in your career, you are still really not an adult to them until you move out.

My brother has his own place and I can see how they regard him in a different light. They will take what he says but I have to fight to get my points across when I had a more successful career than my brother. Not that expect them to listen more, just equally. My dad is the worst for this and won't seem to accept my advice on areas that I used to advise senior managers of a multinational on! He will on technology though.

Just old fashioned I guess. It doesn't help though as it makes you feel like a teenager even more.

[debs71]

At my parents I spent so much time in my bedroom because it was the only place I felt I could get space. But as a 31 year old I felt more like a teenager. I get on with my parents but I felt the longer I was there I could end up just being someone who never leaves.

I am in my bedroom 24/7 more or less. I love my parents, and appreciate the roof over my head which they give me, and I do get on with them, but sometimes I feel so trapped and the only place I can feel like me or a person with some independence, is alone in my room. I also do so for my own sanity sometimes.

I feel like a perpetual teenager too.

[NervousA1]

Yeah same for me spend most of my free time in my bedroom, when I am not at work.

It's a lonely existence, money isn't really an issue I have saved a fair bit from work.

It's just I can't be sociable or make friends because of anxiety/fear. So feel kind of trapped and alone...

[theharvestmouse]

Yeah same for me spend most of my free time in my bedroom, when I am not at work.

It's a lonely existence, money isn't really an issue I have saved a fair bit from work.

It's just I can't be sociable or make friends because of anxiety/fear. So feel kind of trapped and alone...

You had any sort of treatment? medication or therapy?