Anyone else 30+ living at home?

[Magic]

I have a nephew who is at home with his parents age 41. They all get on very well together. It is a joy to visit them. We have a laugh

[Carnation]

It's nothing to feel ashamed about or embarrassed. More and more people are doing this, even 'Carol Vordeman', and she has loads of money!!!

I've done this twice. Once when I went through my Divorce when I was 32. And again when my Father got Parkinson's Disease.

In fact my Life changed drastically when I first moved back with my Parents. You never know what is round the corner and I was not even that sociable.
I met someone at a Funeral and the rest was history.

I know what it is like to spend most of your time in a bedroom. But, make it your haven, start projects, be creative. It's better than spending through the nose for a bedsit and you have your Parents there to chat to and ask advice when you need it.
NEVER, be ashamed. You are sensible and you have security.

[NE21 worrier]

Yep, I do and I'm 31.

I've lived out when I went to uni for a couple of years and also back in 2007 with friends I had known for years. I found it difficult on both occasions, particularly the latter, and moved back to the family home in December 2007 where I've stayed ever since.

Sometimes I find it profoundly depressing - and I ache to move out. My parents are both in their late 50s now and I don't want to be under their feet. Yet my relationship with my mum is really good, and she's definitely the most important person in my life right now (and has been for some years). She understands anxiety and depression herself and is a constant support to the extent that even when I feel she isn't being supportive, she is.

My dad is a bit different. I don't want to slag him off over the internet because he has been an important person in my upbringing and I see a lot of myself in him, right down to the mannerisms. He has instilled in me a respectfulness of others which I hope I never lose. I know he is very proud of me going to uni (even though I've not really used my degree) and he just wants me to be happy.

But he drinks too much - something which he will never admit - because he is probably a functioning alcoholic who manages to hold down a job with ease. He's never violent when he's drunk as he generally just falls asleep but he seems to be drinking more and more over the last few years.

I've also noticed this in myself, and have made a conscious effort this year to lower my alcohol intake. Generally I think I have done ok but sometimes a low mood overcomes me about this situation (living at home) or other stresses, it gets too much and I turn to the drink. Panic and anxiety is already worse for a couple of days afterwards, almost as if to teach me a lesson.

Anyway, I'm working full time and doing ok at my job (a lot better than the last place despite some annoyances) and I'm saving to move out. I think I can do it - I've half-done it before and, if I move somewhere close, I'll still have the support of my mum.

Hopefully, I can make my dad proud again and he can be happier in himself. Of course, I know this is something I cannot control. Overall, I think I am on the right track, I just suffer derailments every now and then.

Peter x

[Buckinghamshirelady]

I came on this website as I an issue re: medication. My GP has decided that Escitalopram and Amitriptyline do not go! So I have posted query on that thread.

I came across this thread and wanted to give a bit of hope for all you 30s and 40s living at home I know where you are coming from.

Having suffered from GAD and panic attacks for many years at 43 years of age I spent a lot of time with my parents and felt trapped, sad and well embarrassed when I met people of my age who had family, their own home etc. I went to work but had very little social life. Within 3 months all that changed I went on line and met my now husband. I had to move 60 miles away to live with him, I changed jobs, started travelling (I hadn't flown for 20 years) and my confidence grew. Now don't think for a moment you are not able to do this type of thing yourself! If you had asked me even a month before I would never ever have believed I was capable of moving anywhere. I think that somewhere inside of you because you have identified that you don't want to stay where you are in life now if the opportunity comes to change it you will. I think I will always need medication and the GAD does rear its ugly head now and then but believe me if I can change you can. x

[JMA]

Might as well add my voice to this one. I am 35 and live at home with my mum. It's been weird watching old friends buy houses, have kids etc, while I am still the same as I was 15-20 years ago.

I won't go into the details of my circumstances, but I do feel ashamed to be in this position, and always fear it coming up in conversation etc.

I have tried a few times to leave the nest. One time, 2007, when moving in with a girlfriend, which was not the healthiest relationship due to me being me and her nutbag of an ex, I had one of my biggest meltdowns after a couple of months. So that didn't really help things.

[NervousA1]

I lived abroad for 3 months in 2005 with a woman got engaged didn't work out though, mainly due to how I am. Thats the longest i've been away from home.

Being 35 it seems to be getting more and more difficult playing on my mind that I should have done more with my life!

Why aren't I living away from home and married with kids, it upsets me... Even if I found a girl i liked I would be embarrassed to tell them of my situation.

I'm just so awkward around people, never feel comfortable its a catch 22. So stuck and no way out.

[NervousA1]

Well here I am in the same situation still living at home and almost 37 now... nothing ever changes, got no friends still suffering from anxiety/visual snow/tinnitus... pretty sure i have depersonalisation also.... just can't see the point in anything anymore.

People at work are all having kids, getting married etc. and i'm no better off than I was when I was born! :(

[meche]

When most of my friends were married with mortgages and kids I was still living at home when I was 32. Strangely enough I didn't have anxiety issues then - they surfaced a few years later. Living at home worked well though because my parents took early retirement & went to Europe for months at a time. I got cheap rent, a house to myself and they could travel in contentment knowing their house was occupied. I moved out to rent with my boyfriend but we moved back to my parents a year or so later so we could save money for a house deposit. I think we stayed a year and then bought our house. There's no shame in still living with your parents. I work with a few people in their 30's, 40's and even one in her 50's who still live at home. In all honesty I really don't know how people these days can afford to move out. I struggled then but it's so much harder these days to be financially/socially independent.

[Xtrastrongbint]

Nervous - do you have any treatment for your anxiety? Therapy or meds?

[NervousA1]

I've been on prozac when I first had a nervous breakdown, then seroxat... Currently been on citalopram 20mg since 2011. Have been to a psychiatrist but didn't really help. I doubt leaving home would fix me. I'll still be me where ever I am