Sensorimotor Pure OCD 2 years later

[matt94]

Two years ago I became agoraphobic. Six months later I was prescribed 40mg of Citalopram, and 20mg of Valium. I improved every day after that. I went from not being able to go 100 feet from my house to being able to drive 100 miles away.

I wanted to taper off of the Valium as I was feeling so much better, and I managed to get down to 12mg with moderate difficulty. I am now at 10mg, for about 2 months. I no longer have withdrawals, but I fear that my Citalopram 40mg isn't working.

My agoraphobia and breathing obsession has returned. My extremities are tingling and sweating and I feel like I'm going mad - I know I'm not. My thoughts are out of control though. I'm about to lose my job.

I'm wondering if increasing my dose of Celexa would work - I had been on 60mg in the past, along with buspar and lamictal... but that was years ago. My sister is on Celexa as well.

I'm really at a loss, I don't want to increase Valium, and I'm doing my best with CBT and ERP to combat the thoughts, and trying to exercise and taking vitamins, but I'm losing grip of this. I have constant panic. My pdoc suggested I give Lyrica a shot, but it's expensive and I'm fighting with my insurance company to cover it, as it's not approved by the FDA in the US for anxiety yet, and there's no generic.

I didn't know where to post this, but I'm really struggling to keep my head above the water. 10mg of Valium has no effect on me after the taper. I have seasonal affective disorder so I've been taking Vitamin D3, but I know it takes a long time to build up in the blood system.

Should I ask my pdoc to increase my Valium again until I can cope in the spring and try another SSRI/TCA? What would you do? I'm nearly bedridden right now. I'm turning 21 in several weeks, and I have no progress to show for the past 2 years since I've relapsed.

---------- Post added at 21:16 ---------- Previous post was at 21:11 ----------

Therapists tell me medication is only a crutch, and I should not have to rely on them 100% and need to learn to cope on my own without a benzodiazepine. I realize this. I'm not addicted- perhaps physically and psychologically dependent - but I KNOW this. I've had this for 15 years.

I just don't know how to ask my pdoc who has been so patient with me in tapering off to put me back on until my blood tests come back with higher levels of vitamin d and decent thyroid function. I also want to get the Assurex cheek swab. It determines what psychotropic medication and at what dosage you metabolize best.

[honeycakes]

based on what you are saying, if I play devil's advocate and go the logical route. it's like 10mg of valium alone has made you better, and 40mg of citalopram has done nothing for you at all. if that's the case, go back on 20mg of valium and quick the citalopram. i think (and i think that's the vibe you're giving with your message) that your anxiety is getting worse just at the thought of tapering off your medicine at all. i know how it feels, i've been there, and i'll be back there soon this summer when i stop everything together, but wow, you're so young. you have your life ahead of you. you've got nothing to lose with trying a few more tests here and there and finding the perfect dose or fit for you. if 40mg of citalopram is doing nothing for you agarophobia i'd want to stop taking it and find something that helps me better instead.

[matt94]

Thanks for the reply honeycakes
I was beginning to think nobody had any advice! Yeah, the only time it ever did anything for me was when I went up to 60mg, and then it still wasn't THAT effective. I had to augment it with 300mg of Lamictal, which caused a HORRID skin rash allergic reaction for 3 years.

Seriously thank you for the perspective. I spoke to the pdoc today and I was put on gabapentin for the next few days as a trial. Today I took 900mg, 300mg 3x, and had breakthrough panic at work.

The valium allowed me to work through all of that and live again.. albeit with cognitive issues... I know the risk of being on benzos and I'm too young to be on it for the rest of my life... but I believe I need them as a crutch until I build up the stress management and find a suitable SSRI/TCA regimen.

I know I'm young to have this, I started taking Zoloft at 6 years old(15 year anxiety vet!), believe it or not, for panic attacks. Nothing really worked until high school. I sort of just leveled off. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Will keep updating... even though I know this thread is a bit all over the place..

I'm pretty much positive that I have issues with my 5HT2A receptor based on extensive research and family history. Unfortunately I'm either metabolizing Citalopram poorly or too fast, I know the same enzymes in the liver break down both Valium and Citalopram.

Thanks again friends. Even the views comforted me, making me feel heard. I hope if this thread turns up on google in a couple of years, a young kid like me sees it and realizes not to give up.