Hey

Grab a seat and get comfy. I know its a long post but i feel like i need to get this of my chest

Diagnosed (and knew it myself before going to see the dr) with gad last year which as it has persisted made me depressed too. Im 27, growing up ive always had minor adrenaline rushes out of the blue once in a while where i felt charged but didn't mind and could shrug it off as im very athletic and exercise 3-5 times a week. Just felt like id done a shot of espresso etc

Then last year had this one attack where i thought "im a gonner". Heart beating 100 miles per hour, weird out of body feelings which id never had before and rushed to a&e where they said everything was fine and it looks like a panic attack

So i started cbt which i found didnt really help as im fully aware of the science of it and the symptoms and sometimes i can calm myself down and others i can't. So i asked to start on some meds as i knew i could't go on like this. Id always been a happy, healthy, confident, outgoing, sociable person all my life and felt so guilty for not being able to function how i always have before

Started out on sertraline 25mg which didnt do anyhthing then 50 mg and was seeing some improvement. After my meds ran out i went to my chemist and they gave me a different brand this time. Using the new brand at 50mg i felt terrible pretty much straight away, wemt to the drs and they said it is more likely to because of the brand change (generic sertraline to now lustral). So kept on 50mg for 5 weeks but still not back to normal self so i thought il up to 100mg. I couldnt make an appointment to see my dr for 2 weeks (due to them being so busy) so i decided il up to 100 on my own. Felt pretty much amazing straight away but then a couple of days later i started worrying that i didnt get my drs permission did i go up too soon?? Could my happiness be serotonin syndrome, and noticed i was grinding my teeth quite a bit. So id continue to take them on and off for the next few weeks "for days when i felt i needed them". I know how silly this is now as i know you have to be on them for a few months etc not just as and when

I found myself a couple of weeks before xmas 2014 feeling great and not needing to take meds. Not 100% but about 80% and looking forward to seeing family over the festive holidays. All good so far and then BANG!! Xmas morning with all the family gathered round opening presents i just felt so down and got the out of body feeling again which totally freaked me out. I had to run to another room to meditate before we all left for lunch but safe to say i was a nervous wreck again and so upset at myself.

Fast forward to february 2015 and i decided i need to be more sensible and stick with the meds as i know I NEED HELP. Symptoms - constant sadness, constant worrying about exercise and food & health, feeling weak, confused, body feels floaty, suicidal thoughts, sometimes it feels like im not there/out of body feelings, fast beating heart, worrying on nights out about my drink being spiked (this happend once at a house party, had my drink spiked my ghb. I enjoyed the experience of being high but is the only time i have ever done drugs. Not against them at all but i enjoy life without the use of e, coke, weed etc) never bothered me again before gad but now on nights out its all i can think about


I now understand alot more about anxiety & depression and dont feel guilty at all for having to be on medication (apart from the odd time that annoying devil on your shoulder tells you once in a while). Went to my drs and started again at 50mg at the start of the month but dont feel its helping apart from the odd burst here and there. Im booked into seeing the dr on monday to ask about dosages and will tell them last time i went up to 100 on my own and felt it working but then worried as i didnt ask for proffesional advice before upping the dose. I knew its only a few days away but do you think its ok to start 100mg after 3 weeks?? Im willing to stick through it this time as i know side effects can start when first upping doses but can subside

Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long but feels good to get it off my chest

Much love