Avoiding therapy.... again

[fallingstar]

I'm not 100% avoiding therapy but I pretty much am. I want to go - I want to talk - I want to find out new techniques in breathing, meditation, coping, etc however I've had to cancel a few times due to people backing out of babysitting my daughter. So now, I feel like they won't take me seriously there. I also get anxious in asking for people to babysit as I feel like they're setting me up for failure as they'll just back out. This service is free through my school psychologist through the counseling and advising department as I'm a college student there. I know it is easy to pick up the phone, call and get there but I just can't seem to. I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice when there's someone there willing to help me if needed. It makes me feel lazy and stupid.
It's just that the college itself, the department waiting room, and the initial 5-10 minutes make me so anxious that it's difficult to go. I've done it successfully a few times in the past but I felt miserable leading up to it and waiting and like I said the first part of it. I wonder if I should wait until I feel more comfortable or just say screw it and do it.

[one day at a time]

screw it and do it , sounds like the thought of it is making you anxious , it will get easier going once you've been a few times . If you feel you are benefitting from it then it's worth continuing although the build up to the appt is hard . Once you're there and start talking it occupied your mind and you feel better for going

[fallingstar]

Yeah I definitely feel better after going for sure. It's definitely the leading up to it and not knowing if I'll need to cancel AGAIN due to babysitter (family) that gets me anxious. Sometimes I also feel like what I'm saying to her just seems ridiculous. Obviously it's not the case but I can't help thinking it sometimes.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you should go for it. You know it helps you once you get over the initial anxiety.

A lot of us get anxious about doctors appointments and seeing therapists but it will subside the more you do it as said above. In fact, avoiding it only makes it worse for any similiar events in the future as you probably already know.

If you need to cancel because your babysitter backs out, thats perfectly valid - its not an excuse. So, the therapist should have no issue with it. If it keeps happening, they may raise it because its not going to help you long term if you can't access your therapy on a regular basis.

Therapists hear all sorts of things in their work and its a big part of their core attributes to be non judgemental (otherwise they are in the wrong line of work!). Don't be afraid to tell them anything otherwise you won't get the best out of therapy and its all confidential unless there is an issue of someone being harmed (yourself or others).

[fallingstar]

Just an update:

I managed to get back to therapy - once for a matter of ten minutes (my therapist/counselor was not in that day due to an outside matter of hers) and I went again this past Tuesday (I made the appointment the week before and kept it!).
I made another one for this Tuesday however due to scheduling I realized I need to reschedule, but I will do that for Wednesday or Friday and attempt not to skip this week if I can help it. Fortunately, I don't have as much as a babysitter issue anymore. I don't rely on the same people for childcare anymore, so I only schedule on days I know I'm 100% free and it seems to be working. Sometimes it means 2 weeks apart for sessions but it's better than nothing at all I say.
The waiting room's been quiet luckily. That's what usually gets me.
I was pretty anxious the first few minutes each time but surprisingly I was able to handle this pretty well.