Going on spring break with my friend....

[.Poppy.]

For the past three years, I have gone on spring break trips with large groups. I was very concerned about travel anxiety, and did experience it to some degree the first two years, but I did better than I thought I would. Last year I went with a group of six of my friend and did great - I even surprised myself, especially since there was a lot of drama and conflict on that trip.

This year, we had a big trip planned but it fell apart, and now I am going on break with just one other friend. We are visiting another friend in a city, but won't see her more than a couple of times as she works - the rest of the week, we are on our own.

I was really excited about this trip, but we leave next week and now I'm freaking out. I'm very stressed about all the tests coming up and all I have to do to prepare (I took the blunt of planning everything for us). On top of that, we had our Fake Patty's Day a couple of days ago (which is a big party in our town - it was a lot of fun) and the friend that I'm going with started a big fight and threw around a lot of insults, etc. I am NOT good with confrontation, so it just made me feel really awful, though my other friends did try to cheer me up.

I guess my biggest fear right now is that there's only two of us, so if I don't feel well one night or something - it would be on me for ruining the fun. We are staying in a place where we'll have to drive, so I'm not anticipating any late night partying (or at least not too much) which is probably good, but I'm still so nervous. I mean, what if we run out of things to talk about?

I'm very much the bridge between this friend and the rest of the group - everyone else in our friend group has a problem with her (she's one of the more combative ones, and is NOT afraid of confrontation) so I feel really responsible but also concerned - what if she gets mad at me for something? I honestly don't know how I'd handle it. I could call my friend that lives in that city, but that may just cause more problems.

Sorry for the rant/ramble, I'm just feeling very terrible about the whole thing and it's not entirely easy to pinpoint exactly why....

[Oosh]

You can tell you are intelligent and that all sounds logical etc BUT, you have to admit that you are focusing on the things that could go wrong, the things to be anxious about. I can recognize this because i do it too and it feels perfectly natural to someone who is prone to thinking anxiously. But if you try, you can find different ways to look at this trip you are going on and different ways to see your (tricky) friend

Ideally id want to be trying instead to think of
1. what i could enjoy
2. whats LIKEABLE, FUN, ENJOYABLE about your tricky friend.

Ok she`s a pain, lol, we can gather that. She may be a bit of a pain on the trip now and then. But you dont have to worry about that or get anxious about it.

Think about how your mates attributes could be fun, in what situations might they be useful ? If you needed help she`d probably be there for you right ?

Imagine you were in a foreign city all on your own and many days had gone by and you were really bored and lonely now and a bit scared of all these strange, unusual faces and through the crowd you saw the little familiar head of your tricky mate walking up smiling at you.
"is it her ?" "omg its her !"
I bet you would be so glad to see her wouldnt you.

For all her faults i bet you can find plenty thats likeable and human about her cant you ?

Picture you two laughing so hard together that you flop onto the floor and cant get back up again. Have you ever laughed that much ?
Imagine she does something that makes her look really silly and you just burst out laughing and you just hit the floor crying with laughter at her.
She sees you laughing and starts laughing too. And you are both having a FANTASTIC time together.

You get to know her a bit better and see the real her a bit more and find you like her more. And she likes you. Whats likeable about you ? Make a list of things she might find likeable about you to give you some more confidence and self esteem in who and what you are.

Anticipate the trip in that way instead.

Its the same as someone who`s afraid of flying really and is continually focusing on the plane crashing. Stop playing the crash and burn movie in your head before your trip !

If youre worried about her getting into big fights then at the right moment when you two are together tell her. Tell her you are not into big scenes and aggravation so she should know that if things kick off youll be disappearing lol.
Youre allowed to say that. Not many people like that kind of trouble. Im sure she will understand.

Only visualise things going well and you liking and enjoying your mate.
Ask only what makes you two laugh and what fun stuff do you want to do on the trip, what do you want to see etc etc

Just concentrate on making some really good memories that you can talk about to the others when you get back and that you can look back on later in your life.

You get more of what you focus on.

[.Poppy.]

Thanks, Oosh. I'm still under a lot of stress about the whole thing -- worrying about budgeting, our reservation was confirmed but we're staying in a small B&B and she's supposed to send me more information but hasn't yet, it's all week long and we're making extra stops on the way there and back, etc.

Plus, I'm generally anxious about life, employment, going to school, etc. etc. Just too much stress!

But we looked at things to do and there were some things that I'm excited about. I'm going to be dead tired when we get done I think but hopefully I'm surprised and have a great time.

[Oosh]

Ah it just sounds like a lot of anticipatory anxiety. You sound confident and together. I think once it comes round you are really going to enjoy yourself.

You are a worrier, like everyone else here. It's important to get decisions made and keep jumping right in. We are ok then. It's the time to think that gets us.