I am currently about to have my 9th CBT session this week. If I am honest, it's really not going very well, and I am fairly sure this is down to me. As, despite wanting to make things work this time, I still seem to approach the sessions like I did with my homework when I was at school.
i.e: leave it till the night before.
There is a part of my brain that is screaming at me that this is my last chance really to make a go of this, and yet I can get caught up in the minutiae of doing anything else, rather than focus on what I should be doing for my CBT. To the point where I am apologetically handing over my homework, which I am in the mindset that I am doing for her rather than myself, to my therapist.
Avoidance has been my main mechanism to deal with anxiety and it's related symptoms, and I am well aware that has really not worked out for me. I'm now 35, and have not worked in years/live at home/lost friends etc, so really not in a good place. Yet I seem unable to actually focus on what I should be, and make an attempt to fix things.
I really do wonder exactly how hard I need to hit the floor before I stop sabotaging myself, and actually make an effort 100% of the time to sort my life out. The problem being as time goes on, the task in hand just gets seemingly more impossible.
Bum