Yet again I find myself struggling badly...

[Dan21]

Hello to you all.

I’m sorry to post here again with the same symptoms that I’ve had for AGES, but at this moment in time, I feel like the NMP forum is the only real place I can voice my worries, without affecting those around me. Since finding out that my wife is pregnant, I’ve been battered and wracked with different symptoms of varying degrees, needless to say that my HA has gone off the scale; but I cant let it show.

This lump in the throat is the worst it has ever been, I’m aching in my legs, back, head, neck, my thought pattern is more pessimistic than normal and I could easily crawl back into bed by 8 at night.

As much as I try to be logical, my anxiety and worry is just too much for me at the moment. I’m terrified that this lump in the throat feeling (which I have had on and off since Nov 05) is symptomatic of something dangerous. I had it checked at the docs way back and they said it was the dreaded Globus. But part of me can’t help but worry that it’s a symptom of something terrible and I’ve been trying to convince myself its nothing but anxiety.

I just can’t believe that a persons mind can bring about such symptoms from something like anxiety stress. But I have to say that apart from my anxiety about my health, I don’t feel consciously worried most of the time. What is happening to me? Why can’t I be like I used to be before all of this **** happened? I used to live my life without being aware of constituent parts of my body, or introspecting on my own thought process, but now, it’s like I have become somebody else to a certain degree. I’m terrified of being like this when our child is born, what if I start having bouts of health anxiety when they are here? It takes all of my concentration to simply get my head together and make it to Uni on a daily basis so if I’m trying to cope with this awful anxiety when my son or daughter needs me, then how will I get through it? Plus, as our family lives so far away, we really have no-one else to rely upon which is another level of worry that I have.

I feel guilty about posting yet again on the board as I know I’m not saying anything that I have not done so before, but I don’t know how else to make my way forward with this. If I knew there was some way to get even a little relief from this throat business then that would be such a God send. I can live with aching limbs, dodgy digestive system or even headaches, but if I knew there was a way to get rid of or figure out what is causing this Globus hystericus or why it happens, then at least I would feel like I am making some kind of progress. But, instead, I feel like all that happens is that I have symptoms, I stress about them, I think I might die, I think my symptoms are actually (no, definitely) a sign of cancer and not anxiety or stress, I find it hard to believe that physical symptoms can stem from my worry because (and this is the paradox) at the time, I don’t think that I’m that stressed. Maybe I am. I feel lost in my own head a lot of the time and just wish I could figure out what is going on.


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I want to go up to my anxiety, smile, put my arm around it and say to it caringly, 'Hey! How are you? How's your day been?'

Then, just as its about to answer me, I wanna throw a sack over it and give it a hiding within an inch of its life.

That would be nice.

[Lindalou64]

HI DAN
DONT EVER BE SORRY TO POST ITS A GOOD PLACE TO VENT THATS WHAT WE ALL DO...WHEN YA ASKED YASELF AM I STRESSED SOMETIMES WE DONT EVEN KNOW WE ARE I DIDNT IM SURE ALOT DONT......SO HANG IN THERE ITS ALL GONNA BE OK...........THE BEST TO YA.............LINDA

[lass]

Hi Dan,

Wish I could say something to help, you're really going through it at the moment ...

Have you thought about going back to the doctor and explaining your concerns, just for a bit of reassurance that you ARE physically ok?

You DO have a lot of stress at the moment, even though you maybe don't acknowledge this. You have concerns about parenthood (who doesn't!), you are reflecting on your own life and thinking about your Dad, and I'd guess you'd love to be able to share this with him, you are also concerned about the welfare of your wife and your unborn child, plus you are trying to ease your wife's load at the moment and so are doing more at home, you are still continuing with uni .... When you look at everything you are dealing with, it all builds up and it is understandable why it takes its toll on you.

I think you are maybe giving yourself a hard time over this, and as you say, you are trying to not burden your wife with this. So you don't have an outlet, other than this forum, and you are even apologising for posting on here!!!

I think you could benefit from some kind of talking therapy and some reassurance.

Are you taking any meds? Or any supplements? If not, maybe you could consider something to get you through this too.

And any chance of you getting a massage to soothe your aches and pains?

Personally (as a wife!) I think I'd like to be able to share with my hubby how he's feeling - your wife probably has lots of concerns about the pregnancy and future too. But obviously, not knowing your wife, I can't comment on this and you are the best judge really of whether she can support you too. Us women are much stronger than you think, so if it's just a case of you trying to protect her because she's pregnant, then you should consider speaking to her about your feelings. She would want you to enjoy this time too.

You've done this before and you'll get through it again. Just keep talking though, don't bottle it up as it will make your mood even lower. Feel free to PM me anytime you want to get anything off your chest!

Caroline

[ECR]

Yes. The classic thing to do (which I do all the time) is to start blaming yourself or feeling like you're screwing up. Firstly, that will only prolong and intensity the vicious circle and secondly, there is no blame here. You're trying to deal with one of the most profound things a human can deal with.

Get the reassurance you need (however much reassurance that is) that you are in fact physically fine. Then really look at the fact that you are having all these feelings and symptoms and that whether they are anxiety related or not (which they very clearly are), you are fine. Therefore these feelings are normal.

If you're like me, the actual symptoms isn't the bother, its freaking out as to what the symptoms might mean. Like how much does the lump in your throat actually bother you if you took the fear away? More often than not once I take the fear away the symptoms disapear. Funny that, huh?!

Good luck. Whatever you do, don't start punishing or beating yourself up. Not applicable and not fair!

[johnny1]

Dan

No need to feel bad about posting again about your particular anxiety

I wanted particularly to drop you a note because a few years ago I had deep health anxiety about my throat and thought it was the onset of cancer etc. I was depressed, had months off work etc. It did turn out to be globus, but I only believed this when I paid to go see a specialist consultant. By the sound of it, you have nothing to worry about regarding your throat and you should listen to the advice of your GP or, if you feel it would help, then pay to get an hour with a consultant - it could change your life, as it did mine. These days, I have no anxiety at all, least of all about my health - but I know from bitter experience, how debilitating it all can be.

I think, you have got yourself stressed out about the arrival of your child - this is always a pretty stressful event at the best of times ( I have 4 kids and can talk from experience) but it shows you care and are taking parenthood very seriously. So dont let all this worry over your health spoil a wonderful event in your life, ie becoming a father. Trust me, you dont have to worry about your throat - globus is very, very real - when I had it it felt like there was a huge piece of toast stuck in my throat and nothing could shift it - but it is all imagined, all in the mind - it shows how powerful the brain is, but you just need to throw the switch (as I did) and choose to chill out over your throat. As the consultant said to me, you have conditiond your brain to believe there is something wrong with your throat - now just condition it back to believe there is nothing wrong. So I did.

Dan - I want you to take a big deep breath - inhale. Now exhale, and as you exhale, let all the worry and fretting about the health of your throat go with it. Its simple.

Let me know how you get on - happy to talk if you would find it useful.

Mike Linnane