My Birthday in 2 days, feeling down

[lifeisabullet89]

Hi I'm Nathan I've been on this website for a while and only tend to post threads when I'm feeing really low. Lately I've found my self feeling hopeless and scared in relation to my life as a whole. It doesn't help that I'm worried about this week. It's my birthday on the 8 April and I will be 26, this scares the hell out of me. It's not so much the fact that I'm afraid of growing old but the fact I am still in the same place I was several years ago. Still afraid of large groups of people, still struggling to find a girlfriend, still worrying about every little thing, still with a pessimistic/self loathing attitude, still finding it hard to be independent, still wishing things would change...etc

The hardest thing for me is the fact that I know ways of helping my self, and I am trying to help my self with anti-depressants and counselling sessions but because of this negative outlook and generally how depressed I feel, it tends to over-power the positives in my life (which I SHOULD be focussing on).
I find my self at work being bombarded by thoughts trying to criticise and over analyse my every task. I challenge this the best I can but I always end up with a headache afterwards.
When I go into a supermarket to do the occasional shop I find my self bombarded with thoughts that make me feel paranoid and edgy, and make tasks like buying a small list worth of groceries a huge challenge. Most of the time I zone out in an attempt to deal with the situation which certainly doesn't help things.

However I will say I do have a lot to be thankful in my life I have supportive parents who not only will listen to me rant and rave about how I feel but are happy with me living at home, I have a steady job, a car, a good group of friends and I'm not in debt. All those are huge positives for me.

So your probably wondering why I posted this as I am getting help and support, it's basically to get these negative thoughts out of my head. As pretty much 90% of my posts are usually about that. It's a bonus that you guys read it, and even more of a bonus when you reply to these threads. It certainly makes me feel a lot better to know people empathise with me and are willing to take the time to try and help me out.

Sorry for rambling on as usual. If anyone can relate to what I am saying I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks again

Nathan

[hazmatz]

Hey Nathan,

Happy early birthday! You are already doing a lot better than most people on these forums. You have a job, a car, friends & are debt-free. All of those things are really awesome and you don't seem to be taking them for granted.

Perhaps we can understand better if you tell us what kind of thoughts you have at places like the supermarket. Why is shopping for a small list a huge challenge for you? Why exactly do you feel paranoid? What things in specific are you over analyzing about yourself? Once you go more in-depth about what you're feeling and thinking, we can begin to empathize and understand your situation better.

[Oosh]

Don't worry, you still have lots of time. Things can change quickly and suddenly.

Join the club of millions who are afraid of large groups of people. It's very common and doesn't say anything bad about you. There are many potential girlfriends out there who feel exactly the same way so you will make a good fit and they'll be happy you have these things to relate to.

You are still in the same place as you were several years ago but that's ok because that could change tomorrow. That's if you are taking real steps to change things. If you're not, why not ? Fear ? It'll never go away. You've got to feel the fear, insecurity, self criticism and do it anyway. It's just the way it is. Or you'll live a life of anticipatory anxiety indefinitely.

Every day your mind will tell you how steps will fail and point out its because of these weaknesses in you. It will alert you to everything wrong with you and your life. It's its job to point these out to you because it's there to highlight the issues and dangers. It will only subside when you attend to the issues it highlights.

It'll go away when your weaknesses don't feel like weaknesses anymore, when you feel liked, loved and lovable. For that you need new people in your life.
And you need to see yourself in new ways. That's not going to happen doing the same things. You need change. Change can be your antidepressant. Being loved by your new gf can be your antidepressant. Liking who you are can be your antidepressant. Having confidence because you felt the fear/insecurity and did it anyway can be your antidepressant.

You're earning money
You have good friends
You like to laugh
You are strong
You are trustworthy
You care about people
What is there not to like !

Don't waste anymore time !
26 !
26 is a special year for you. It's when it all started to happen !
Start the process of building yourself up and changing your life for the better now. Start moving forward and don't stop. Terrifying but the changes that inevitably come will make you feel better.