Lump in breast

[mael]

This morning I woke up with my left breast swollen - almost deformed - and very sore to the touch. Upon examination, I clearly can feel a pea-sized, smooth, hard lump, that moves and hurts quite a lot if I press it.

I am 45 and in general excellent health. I haven't had a health scare in twenty years and I am freaking out really badly. I've spent all day curled on the bed, without eating, and I am very shaken.

It may be fat necrosis; I've had a couple of severe bumps to my breast during the past year, and I was hit there rather badly (a fool inadvertently smashed his backpack on my tit while on the tube, so strongly it took my breath away). The possibility it's cancer it's something I don't even want to contemplate; fat necrosis is bad enough (although benign if it's such, I will nonetheless have to go through exams and stuff).

I phoned my GP earlier but they've found I am no longer registered there so, between registration and stuff, it will be a couple of weeks before I'll be seen. My job is very demanding. I need to stop freak out but my nerves just have exploded, I cry and pant intermittently all the time.

[feelthelove]

hi, it sounds like an absess in my opinion , from what i know and i am not a health professional but breast cancer doesn't cause pain if it does it is very very rare.

I know how worrying it is because as women we do have to be careful about these things , breast injury doesn't cause cancer either i was accidently hit in the breast a few years back with a piece of wood and i was so scared i went to the doctor who assured me that injury doesn't cause cancer .

[MRS STRESS ED]

hi love this could be because you have fluctuations with your hormones this can cause these type of symptoms but never the less go get it checked and I would tell them you are not prepared to wait two weeks its not acceptable ,you need peace of mind good luck xxxx

[mael]

Thank you to both for the nice reassurance

After I posted, I noticed that my skin was dimpled as well, a major red flag apparently. So I freaked out for good, and I ended up calling 111. Was referred to an UCC urgently, and they saw me right away.

Alas, it was inconclusive -- it may be a massive haematoma due to the blow received, it may be something worse. I will have to have a battery of tests, in the next two weeks. I wonder how I'll manage two weeks without knowing? The doctor tried to calm me down but she couldn't tell me "it's nothing" so obviously I didn't calm down. Spent half the night on the phone with friends, who tried to calm me down too. I am usually an optimist but this time I basically see myself dead already.

Feels extremely surreal, and extremely uncomfortable.

[mael]

The doctor has also mentioned the possibility of necrosis. I've looked it up, and if it's necrosis, I just have to go through a minor operation, or maybe even only gobble some painkillers and use a ice pack.

I don't know if attaching myself to this strand of hope is a sensible thing to do, or if I am just trying to delude myself.

[MRS STRESS ED]

Mael it's better to keep positive love and to be honest it's strange you have had a bang on your breast and then you have this problem ermm I'm no way trained to say but I would think it was the bang ,your gp has to cover everything they couldn't say anything until they eliminate everything else and I know it is easy to say don't worry because you will ,because I would to but hopefully it's all fine xx take care

[mael]

If you are curious, this is the situation as of today:

- my first referral got "lost", due to my GP having deleted me off their patient list (because I didn't go for a smear test some time ago)
- I was readmitted to the patient list, had to explicitly refuse the smear test (so many false positives, and I really don't need that kind of stress right now)
- Doctor says it's "likely necrosis" but I will need to have all the usual tests because there's a chance it may be malignant
- I have the appointment in one week.

I kinda cope with the now very long wait. I eat too much to soothe myself, alternated with days where I am too nervous to eat anything, I am tense. I try to keep myself super busy but sometimes I am just too tired to carry on doing ten thousand things just to keep my cruel, self-sadistic brain at bay, and if I take some rest it gets worse; I am obsessed -- the bloody thing looks so cancer-like in appearance, and yeah, I know necrosis looks virtually the same, but I just can't relax and I have moments of intense distraction. I can't believe this has lasted so long now, and that I haven't gone completely insane yet.

---------- Post added at 19:06 ---------- Previous post was at 18:49 ----------

In any case, I go to work, I go out, I even went for a (rather pathetic) weekend abroad, because hey, why not? I even signed up for a couple of university courses because I need to avoid to remain alone with myself. I cope. Except for the eating patterns, and for ten minutes every day where I feel like I am falling out of a cliff, a long way down, imagining all my carefully crafted life taken away from me, my job, my hobbies, my independence... I am not on the verge of a collapse like I were three weeks ago, but I am not happy, and I can't wait for this to someway end.

Thank you both MrsStress and Feelthelove; your messages are nice, and helpful.

[feelthelove]

Its terrible what has happened to you

love and hugs to you , xx

[mael]

Thank you feelthelove

I have struggled with anxiety issues my since early childhood, never in a crippling way, but this type of discomfort was never very far away, except maybe during a blessed half-decade in my mid-twenties. Still, I am usually able to keep it in cheek.

There's something to anxiety that it's self-reinforcing: once you've passed a certain threshold, it's very difficult to come back: my brain kinda says "I wouldn't be so worried if there weren't good reasons", therefore resisting all rational arguments against being worried.

I tell myself that cancer doesn't just pop up overnight, that the changes I've seen in these three weeks are perfectly consistent with the necrosis scenario, that I was hit and this is a cause for necrosis and not cancer; cancer, unlike Alzheimer, doesn't run in my family. It would be simple and utterly logical, not to mention merciful to myself, to assume the best case scenario while I wait. And still, while I am typing this, I can feel my body pumping the cortisol to 11, just because it can, and the resulting discomfort makes my brain go "see, you feel so poorly, you must be really ill" The *******.

GP says this is a normal reaction. To be honest, I am pleased to know I am not insane, but such knowledge is only minimally helpful.

I am going to have a warm bath, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[Sam123]

Hi Mael,

I think it's great that although this is obviously a worrying time you're keeping active and trying to remain positive, that's really good. I think anyone, even without any anxiety issue's would naturally worry it's a big worry for women. You did the right thing and got it checked and until you have your appointment and results there is nothing you can possibly do to change any outcome, but you can change the way you feel about it. As hard as it must be.

Keep doing what you're doing and try not to be hard on yourself it is natural to worry but we must remember that worrying will never help a situation.
Please keep us updated if you can, and i too think it will be necrosis