Hard lump in breast. Please help. I can't cope.

[Ink123]

I don't know what to do. I found a hard smooth lump in my left breast 3 days ago. I have seen two Doctors who told me not to worry, and they don't think it is suspicious. They are sending me for a mammogram, but I have to wait 3 weeks for it. I can't cope. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat. I'm crying all of the time. I keep on thinking about my two children I am going to leave behind when I die from breast cancer. I am 41 years old, and my friend died from breast cancer last year and she was 41. I can feel the lump more when I lean forward, but when I stand up the lump becomes smaller. Why does it do that? I have had Health anxiety since I was 16 years old. But this time it's real. I just know, it's something bad, because It is physical, I can actually feel a lump there - it's real! And I don't know how to cope waiting for the mammogram, and then waiting for the results. Then the Doctor told me that mammograms aren't 100% accurate, so I know I will not believe it, and I will want an ultrasound too! I cannot find the lump on the other breast, it is just on the left. It does not hurt. It is hard and smooth. I'm really freaking out. Sorry. If anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice, please help.

[lyndau63]

You poor thing. I really feel for you. My focus had mainly been on breasts for many years. Take heart from what your doctor has told you... I know how easy it is to say but not to do. The agony of the wait is unbearable I know. I have been for a mammogram a few times when doc was unsure. The last time the supposed lump was under my arm and my parents were kind enough to pay for me to go privately which meant only waiting 3 days. I think I would have gone mad. I realise you probably won't want to do this but I have sometimes been so desperate that I would take out a loan to pay for it to be sorted quickly. The consultation and ultrasound cost £250, by the way. I do hope your appointment comes quickly and that you can calm down and have some peace of mind in the meantime. I don't know if anything I have said is of any help but just wanted you to know that I totally understand how you feel.

[Ink123]

Thank you for the reply. I'm really trying to get myself in the right frame of mind at the moment, but it is difficult. One minute I'll think ok accept this, I have a lump, I need to wait for my appointment and then wait for my results, and then the next minute I start thinking about who will look after my kids when I've died. I've now made my breast sore from constantly poking and prodding it.
Thank you for your kind reply. I just can't help but think, this is it this time, it's for real. It's really real!!! I've suffered with anxiety with my health for over 20 years. Like I say, can't help but think, this is it - cancer for REAL! Thank you for listening.

[23tana]

I've had breast lumps twice. Both times they turned out to be cysts that were easily drained. The waiting time is the worst. Try to distract yourself as much as you can and stop feeling at your breast. Easier said than done, I know.

[Ink123]

Thank you for your reply. What did your breast lumps feel like? If you don't mind me asking. I've been going on google loads and it just says one thing and then another. I'll try and keep myself busy too.

[23tana]

Hi. They felt smooth like yours. One was round, the other oval. Whatever you do, don't google. Many of the comments on there are written by scaremongers not professionals. They'd have you dead from a broken finger nail!

[Ink123]

Thanks for your support. The mornings are the worst when I say bye to my kids when they go to school. I don't like it when I don't know things and have to wait to find out. I'm going to have to try and keep busy to distract myself. And I must stop poking and prodding myself, it's difficult though.
Do you think you can make lumps go bigger when prodding them, and then afterwards when you haven't prodding them for a while they go down?
Thanks for listening.

[23tana]

You can inflame the tissue around the lump by poking and prodding, so the lump itself feels bigger.
I'm not very patient either and the waiting is horrid. You are doing the right thing by trying to distract yourself.

[feelthelove]

Really feel for you , i had to wait 9 weeks for the results of a second smear test when i was 25 and it was torture , it did come back positive but i had an operation to remove the problem as i like to call it and i have been fine since .

I know how it feels to be waiting , but if two doctors are not worried then that's a good sign . xx

[Ink123]

Thanks guys for all your support. I was determined not to poke and prod myself today - I lasted 2 hours then I started to prod and poke. I give myself a breast exam every 60 minutes some times. Still no phone call or letter from the hospital.