Hi there,
It is lovely to find a place where people understand what I'm dealing with!
First of all, I've always had anxiety, and in previous years I had moderate attacks which mostly consisted of a tight chest and laboured breathing. It was managed with citalopram (40mg at the highest), and in 2012 I felt well enough to discontinue.
Flash forward to this past summer (2014): I was somewhat depressed and overwhelmed and turned to E and MDMA for my outlet on the weekends after the stresses of research got to me. I had a fantastic time, but I've not indulged in quite some time. I mention this as part of me is concerned that it might have something to do with my current situation, though I'm not completely convinced.
Feb 2015, I come home from a hectic night of work at the pub fuelled by an energy drink (MISTAKE), where I experienced direct xenophobia for the first time ever (I'm an American expat in a small town outside of Glasgow) and I was completely exhausted. I had a bit of a joint and tried to get to sleep. I had what I now know was an anxiety attack (detail the symptoms below), but my husband thought I just smoked too much. I managed to fall asleep and was fine after. A few weeks later (March 9), I come home from helping my closest friend get his flat in order having had an energy drink on the train home (again...the mistake). I start to feel claustrophobic and disorientated on the train. Once I get home I take a shower and then it all goes wrong.
-warm headache (almost like a burning pain)
-uncontrolable shaking
-rapid heartbeat
-quick and laboured breathing
-numb face (terrifying)
-dilated pupils, light sensitivity
-general feeling of dying
-scared beyond everything I've ever felt
I call NHS 24 because I didn't really know what was going on. I had never experienced such an intense anxiety attack before, but the nurse assured me that's what she felt was happening. She suggested I go to the out of hours doctor just to confirm, and the doctor said the same and gave me a 2mg Vallium and sent me home.
The next day I called my doctor to set an appt (busy practice), and the doctor phoned me to get me back on citalopram and give me more diazepam.
The two weeks before I met with my regular GP were difficult. I couldn't bring myself out of the bed most days. Each day I had an anxiety attack and a headache. I had to force myself out of the house and couldn't get on the train. I was convinced that I had something serious and would die before I got to the GP. It was the most terrifying and exhausting two weeks of my life.
My GP is very calming and caring, so I felt comfortable telling him everything. He ordered loads of blood tests and put me on propanolol (20mg) to try to reduce the adrenalin rushes and thus anxiety attacks. My blood tests came back fine, which oddly upset me. It was easier to think that something concrete was wrong than to believe that I had a real mental illness.
Follow up appt, the GP increased my dose of propanolol to 60mg (20mg 3x) to take care of the small rushes that remain and possibly help the daily headaches.
I'm finally starting to feel a bit better and more stable and myself again. I have quite a few stressors (finishing my thesis, friend's drug problem, new husband, visas), so I suspect everything just got on top of me. I'm watching my caffeine intake and getting back to my thesis slowly. My thesis seems to be the biggest stress of them all, so I'm tackling it delicately. I feel like it is a daily struggle in a way. I see things gradually getting better, but it is just as hard each day, if that makes any sense.
TL;DR: Amy, long-time anxiety sufferer, recent panic disorder but on the mend with citalopram and propanolol.
Cheers!
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