Happiness I don't do anything with, and anxiety ABOUT bouts of happiness?!

[AthenaFaeyrn]

Sometimes, I get bouts of happiness. Which I then immediately proceed to feel incredibly guilty about. I can also tend to get anxiety about feeling any happiness, because I feel like there's this sort of sense of: "Right! That's it! I'm happy! Now I should be a completely well-functioning human being!", but of course, I'm not. I feel happy, but I still can't do anything "with" it to make myself useful in any way (such as work, wash, eat, perform basic self-care). I just sit there, being happy, and then sad all over again. Happy, but still completely unmotivated to do anything whatsoever.

Does anyone else experience this?

[NoPoet]

Yes, not so much now, but... yes. It's one of the reasons I haven't recovered yet.

Nobody really tells you how to cope with happiness or recovery. They only ever tell you how to work towards recovery. There are no guides to how to live your life once the anxiety has gone (apart from the one I'm going to write). I guess it's one reason why people relapse, or hang onto the fear.

The anxiety provides certainty: the certainty that something is going to happen to you. It doesn't matter that this is a false belief, it's something people can hold onto, even if it's bad. Recovery is very uncertain. You never know what life will send your way. There's little to hold onto.

So you need to focus on building up yourself: your confidence, sense of worth, self-belief. As these improve and you become stronger, better able to handle things, the lack of certainty in life seems less frightening and may even seem kind of fun.

[Davit]

This is a pretty common core belief, but that is all it is, is a core belief and not yours to start with. You were given it and should never have kept it in the first place, but core beliefs are like that.

[Txxxrho]

Yes! I absolutely understand this and get this. I'll get those bouts of happiness an feel good abut that will immediately send me into a cycle of anxiety for some reason I guess because it's a "strange" feeling so maybe I take it as a threat some way.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I've had this too and I think its because our core beliefs have changed due to long term anxiety disorders to ones that now see normal as being anxious. Like at first we hate it all and then it becomes are new default mode. Consequently, a bettre day or feeling good/happy brings the mind questions about why we feel like this or what does it mean, what are these strange sensations & feelings, should I feel like this, is this what normal is, etc. The result tends to be drifting back into anxiety again.

This is part of the journey and as you work through recovery this will come more naturally. I have been through it and this is now how I feel.

I have also spoken to people at walk-in groups who say the same about this and there are people on here I've discussed it with recently.

Accept it for what it is. It doesn't mean you are better, it means you are getting better and should allow it to run its course and come back naturally. It will change and become more regular.

Also, please don't be too hard on yourself about the non functioning side. I've been there myself and many others I've spoken to have too. I wasn't washing much, I wouldn't use the shower as it made the physical sensations worse or different (self protection mode was 24/7 back then), I didn't shave for weeks, didn't want to eat much or eat different things incase it made it worse, etc. Its part of it when you reach those breakdown stages but you will get better. A few years on and I'm much more functioning now. Things like work are big targets, concentrate on getting the smaller stuff sorted at the moment and it will come in time otherwise you will put yourself under a lot more pressure than you need to.