Lost

[DonnaT]

Hi everyone,
I posted on here a few weeks ago about my health anxiety. Since then it has rocketed out in to space. I thought I felt bad then but the last few weeks have been so difficult.

THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION
I was GOOGLING I know, I know...... I just happened to see this illness, I wasn't even looking this up and then BAM. I recognised one of my symptoms as the same on that list. I was obsessed and in such a state. I kept googling and having more panic attacks. It spiralled out of control, my husband went to work one evening and I phoned him up screaming and crying to come home. He cant he's the boss. I spent the whole night awake crying and in a panic. I went back to my doctor and i then ended up having a emergency endoscopy because I was it such a state(I did have a few other symptoms as well that the doctor wasn't happy about) Looking back on it now I feel embarrassed and ashamed but I just couldn't help it.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, its gone on to long, ive had CBT and medication but I just cant seem to shake this. My husband has said that if I behave like that again he might not be around much longer I just cant help it how much I try. I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS. I moved away from the uk and I don't really have many friends and no family here and I feel so alone right now. LOST/TRAPPED.

I went back to the phyciatrist yesterday. Im back on medication, took my first last night. Woke up in a terrible mood and very anxious. I know about the side effects of the medication but I was just hoping to wake up and feel brilliant. NO SUCH LUCK. I watch the TV and people in the street and wonder what it feels like to be happy and smile like them.

[emmalj0]

Hi donna

im exactly the same at the minute im currently waiting cbt. I feel like im the only one who worries how i do. Iv had a lump 2 years which im still worried about and iv had severe mid back pain over a year which im convinced is cancer. Iv been drs numerous times to be told im fine. My bf the same just tells me to shut up i talk to my mum she just says need to trust the drs. Its hard for me everyday i try not to think about things but i cant.

[swajj]

My husband said to me "you were the most logical person I ever met". The operative word is "were". I don't know the answer but I understand your desperation. I'm much better than I was last year but still I'm here...sometimes. I think I'll know I am really better when I stop coming here completely. Maybe there is some kind of anxiety support group you can join where you can get together with other people who can relate to how you are feeling. Sort of like this forum but "real life". Do they have support groups for anxiety sufferers? I don't know what else to advise you to do. You have tried counselling and medication. Maybe a different counsellor? Sorry you are having such a bad time.

[Sam123]

Hi Donna,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. How long have you had Health anxiety for?