Urgent need for toilet

[MissBee]

Hi,

Does anyone else here suffer from an urgent need for a number two when their anxiety starts? I have had this all my life but in the past year or so it has gotten more frequent and much worse. A few weeks ago I had a bad attack on a long car journey and literally only just made it to the toilet in time. It was awful. Now I'm scared to leave the house. Yesterday I had an anxiety attack about picking my son up from school in case I needed the toilet. I can see that the two things are working alongside each other - the fight or flight nature of anxiety making me need the loo but the panic of not being able to get to one making the anxiety worse. It's really interfering with my daily life now and I wondered if anyone else suffers from this and if so, how do you manage it?

For a while I would dose myself up with immodium before going anywhere but even that doesn't stop me needing the toilet now. Yesterday I had to go three times before I eventually did the school run and even then I felt sick, shaky and panicky until I got home. Sometimes I can take my focus away from it or I get distracted and the need to go will just disappear. So I know it's in my head and not a physical condition. I am going to see my work welfare officer in a few weeks but I'm not confident about how much they'll be able to help :(

I'm so fed up with this.

[IzzyWizzyBizzy]

Hi MissBee

I'm sure there are probably others here who could give you some useful advice but I just want to let you know you're not alone in feeling like this!

I suffer from exactly the same thing and have done for the last 7 years. I'd had anxiety/panic attacks before but one day I just had a massive panic attack and urgently needed the loo (no.2) but unfortunately for me I was on the tube at the time not near any toilets! I was so worried I was going to soil myself there on the train surrounded by people but I somehow managed to make to a loo in time.

Over the years it's got worse and worse so that I'm now at the point where I can barely go more than a mile away from my house. I have to plan everywhere I go to make sure I know there is a toilet nearby, if there isn't one I immediately start to panic (which of course triggers the need to use the loo). I also have to go to the loo multiple times before I leave the house and have to use immodium for any big journeys.

I am a stay at home mum to a 2 year old so I can't really just stay at home all the time and have to force myself out to do things for his sake. I think my anxiety has been worse since I gave up work because I'm just at home a lot where I feel safe, I'm not really pushing myself anymore. I've even got to the low point that I have to put one of my son's nappies in my underwear "just in case" anything happens and it's become one of the only ways i feel 'safe'. I am so ashamed of myself for this.

Having said that, I have started to help myself through exposure therapy. I wrote up an exposure ladder and am working my way through it and have to say it is really helping me already. I have to remind myself that I have never actually soiled myself, I have always made it to a toilet in time. I am in control of my body, I am strong and healthy. Another thing that really helps me is to remind myself that they are phantom feelings just triggered by the anxiety, because if I distract myself they go away. It's all a mirage and I just have to ride it out.

Unfortunately it seems the only way to get better is to get out there and face your fears. Seeking help is a really good first step, my gp referred me for cbt - perhaps you could go and ask about this? I only had 4 sessions (that's all that was available in my area) and I relapsed shortly after but I have used it as a starting point in healing myself. I've bought loads of books and done loads of research on the internet into the best way to help myself and am feeling really positive.

Sorry for the really long reply! You are not alone and just taking the first step to help yourself is really positive, I suffered on my own with it for 7 years until this year and I wish I had sought help sooner. You are at a low point at the moment but it will get better and I wish you the best of luck. xxx

[MissBee]

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing but it does give me some comfort to know I'm not alone.

Our situations sound similar. I have a 3 year old son and feel really guilty sometimes as on my days off work I just want to be in/around the house rather than going out and doing things with him. Lately I haven't felt able to make any journeys out of town in the car and I know this is bugging my OH. He tries to be understanding but he doesn't get it. He asks what i'm anxious about which any sufferer will know is not an easy question to answer! I have no real reason to feel anxious, I'm more settled now than I ever have been. But this has just crept up on me and is really debilitating.

I'm also ashamed to admit I bought some incontinence pants today. I'm 29 ffs! I shouldn't be worrying about shitting myself in public. But like you I've never had an accident so I do think to some level our body's are programmed to hold on til we reach a toilet. Even so, I think using the pants will maybe give me some sort of 'safety net' on car journeys etc. I only bought tena lady pants so not sure how much they can hold. I would still be mortified if anything ever happened.

I have wondered about going to the GP. I don't want to be put on daily meds, i'd much rather try and tackle this myself first. But I do sometimes think that something to calm me down when the anxiety strikes might help. I don't know if such medication exists or if beta blockers and the like have to be taken consistently to work. This is all new to me - at least to this extent. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with this for 7 years.

Like you I feel safe in my house. I never get anxiety here. It's just when I go out. Even if I know there's a toilet nearby I still get anxious and nearly always have to go. I am going on holiday in a few months and at this point I genuinely don't know how I'm going to manage it. The car journey, the waiting around, the areoplane and the transfers...it makes me anxious just thinking about it.

Wishing you lots of luck, please feel free comment again on this thread if you want to talk anymore, it does help to know I'm not alone. xx

[IzzyWizzyBizzy]

Thanks for your reply too! It's a relief to know you're not the only one feeling the way you do - can't be completely mad can we?!

Our situations do sound similar, we're even a similar age - I'm 28! I know what you mean about feeling too young to be worried about incontinence! The incontinence pants might be a good idea if they help you get through a long journey but I would really urge you to do without them if you can - that's why I started putting nappies in my pants (burning with shame even typing that - I've never told another soul!) and it ended up being something I have to do everytime I leave the house. It's become a sort of 'prop' I need to reassure myself everything will be ok but I too would still be mortified if anything ever happened!

I'm trying to wean myself off them, telling myself like you that our bodies are pre-programmed to hold on even if it feels mega urgent. Also I've had to come to some sort of acceptance with the worst case scenario. I tell myself it doesn't matter if the worst does happen - I won't die and no-one else will know!

I'm not too sure on medication because I've taken a similar position to you - I want to try and sort it myself and don't have any desire to start taking medication. Years and years ago when i very first started having panic attacks the doctor gave me beta blockers but they obviously don't affect your thought processes or how your bowel feels! So I didn't find them that useful personally but your experience might differ if you decide to go down that path.

I do find it depends on the gp you see, the first one I saw early last year immediately went to put me on medication which I wasn't keen on but also couldn't because I was still breastfeeding so she didn't have any other solutions for me. When I went and saw another doctor a few months later she referred me for cbt. Talking to the doctors I never told them the full extent of my problem, I just described it as a sort of agoraphobia because I was so embarrassed by the true nature of it! When I did cbt though I decided to be honest and I'm so glad I was because she told me this problem is surprisingly common because needing the loo can be a symptom of panic! So it was a weight off my mind in a way, knowing I wasn't the only one because i'd kept quiet for so many years. It was really the first step in trying to get 'better'.

It's so good your OH is supportive, mine is too although I only told him about the poo thing a few months ago and he was really shocked I'd managed to keep it from him for so many years! It's so great having someone that knows how you feel even if they don't understand it - my OH can't understand it either and I'm also worried about pissing him off but he is really patient so i'm really lucky. Not an easy thing telling someone you're scared of shitting yourself because it sounds so ridiculous when you say it out loud!

I too have a holiday coming up later in the year and wondering how the hell i am going to get through it. Probably incontinence pants, a load of immodium and going to the loo at every opportunity 'just to make sure' I don't need a poo! Hopefully by the time of our holidays we will be a bit better able to cope with it than now. I do know it won't possibly be as bad as you are imagining it, I always find my mind rushes to worst case scenarios that never tend to happen. Thinking positively does help!

Sorry again for the long reply, it's just a relief to find someone who truly understands how you feel. My OH is wonderful but even he wouldn't understand stuffing nappies in my pants (shame)! xxx

[MissBee]

Thanks again hun, really does help.

I agree to a certain extent about the medication. From what I've seen/read online it seems that medication tends to mask the problem rather than resolving the issue. I have always been a naturally anxious person and a massive over thinker. But it's never been out of control like this before and I think I have to address it rather than try to smother it. If anything I think I'm looking for some sort of quick fix, miracle pill that I can take when I feel anxiety creeping up on me and it would just make it disappear. Not sure such a thing exists to be honest :(

I have been looking at hypnotherapy and meditation Youtube videos and apps. People seem to swear by it but it doesn't really do anything for me. I struggle to get into the 'zone'. Are there any techniques you've learnt to calm yourself down over the years?

It's frustrating because although my OH and family are kind, they just don't get it. I've tried telling them how worried I am about the holiday and they just say 'you'll be fine'. How can I be fine on a long car journey, a plane ride, a coach transfer then a week of walking about in unfamiliar places and not knowing where a toilet is when I can barely manage a trip to tesco these days without needing to dash to the loo!

I will try not to get used to the horrible incontinence pants. I only really bought them for unavoidable car journeys etc. I can see what you mean about becoming reliant on them and then getting rid of them would be another reason to become more anxious. I just never thought this is something I'd suffer from :( and I'm scared about how quickly it's become so severe. I've had symptoms of it for years but it's only over the past two weeks or so that it's become almost constant whenever I leave the house :(

[IbsAnxiety]

I too have exactly this problem for the last 6 years! I feel sorry for you because it is a horrible thing to live with and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I have tried Hypnotherapy diet change, Benzos and now Prozac to address this problem.
Benzos such as xanax and to a lesser effect Vallium help immensely. But they are addictive and are not for long term use, wich is why im trying Prozac. I almost on my third week of Prozac and im feeling MUCH worse :-(. Im afraid I will loose my job over this condition.

[Drake of Eden]

I have had similar occasions when my colitis goes in flame (I have auch disease), funnily it is the same feeling as with my flight dread. I have made a home brewn hypotesis that the increased anxiety is actually caused by the physical irritation around those muscles in stomach that tend to cramp during fear, and for some reason my brain cannot differ the signal from actual fear.

Sudden need for a no.2 is a symptom that might be sensible to check with a doctor. While IBS certainly can do such symptoms, so can other problems too that may become serious if left untreated (Chrone's disease, ulcerative colitis,...)

[az]

Hi there, I suffer from this at random and for what appears to be for no reason. I call them "evacuations" as it is sudden and lasts only 30 seconds in the bathroom but afterwards i feel like all of my insides were just flushed out. You know what i'm talking about lol. Really annoying when you're out with friends and don't want to say that you really need the loo! Other times it happens is the moment a panic attack sets in. I will desperately need the loo and feel so sick that my first thoughts are that I have food poisoning. But then the shakes etc start and I realise i'm not sick but am in a major panic attack.