Dropping the act in counseling

[beckyblue]

Hi everyone

I've been attending weekly counseling for about 5 months now and I've been learning lots about myself and getting lots out of it.

However one thing I am really struggling with is dropping the "act" I take on in similar situations. Basically in situations where I feel vulnerable, am talking about feelings or connecting with emotions, a guard comes up. I become formal, I sit upright, I basically act as if I'm in a job interview!

My counselor has likened my response to someone reading a story about someone else. There's just no emotional connection there.

We are working on me dropping this act so I can speak more freely and engage with my emotions. But it feels totally impossible.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I can't say that I have this problem although certain more personal elements I find harder but still get them out if needed.

Maybe a way around this is to write down things at home when you feel you can be open about this and take it to your sessions? Then you have something to refer to that might help you or at least you can hand it to the counsellor. In CBT I would expect something to be set as "homework" to bring to the next session.

[swgrl09]

I have this problem. It is basically a self-protective technique or defense mechanism. I have been to a few therapists over the past 5-6 years and with one of them, I never got this self-protective part to back off and let me be vulnerable. I know part of me did not want to let myself be vulnerable or exposed in any way even though another part of me knew it was safe. With my second therapist, it took over a year for it to back down. Now I am seeing somebody else because the hour drive was too much, and I still feel it sometimes and sometimes I can be more vulnerable (but not all the way ...)

Writing things down, like Terry suggested, can help. Honestly what really helped me was doing IFS therapy (internal family systems although not actual family therapy). It is a newer therapy that is growing in movement over here. You can do some of the work on your own. I have a workbook and also my therapist incorportates it.

The basic idea is that every feeling/thought etc is from a different "part" of your personality and these parts have roles. Here is a summary: http://selfleadership.org/about-inte...y-systems.html

It helped me a lot because it was how I already thought about myself and made sense to me. But it's not for everybody. But it helped me identify the part of me that keeps me distant and safe from others.

[beckyblue]

Thanks for the replied guys!

swgrl09 IFS sounds interesting.. I'll mention it in my next session and talk it through with my counselor.

I find that I don't actually have any issues discussing personal things with my counselor at all. However when I do there is no emotion there. It's like I'm talking about someone else.

This means that we struggle to work out the meaning/emotion behind it all, as I basically turn into a robot

My counselor is very keep on tapping into my emotions in the room so we can learn how to deal with them and then use this outside the room. The fact that I can't show emotion is a tricky starting point..!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Until you can find a way to change that within a session could she set you some homework that will involve you documenting your emotions to the questions she might ask? I'm just thinking its at least something until you both find your way around the current block.