A blip - good days and bad days

[Logan_Five]

Anxiety hasn't been great today, same as over the weekend. Not sure if there has been a trigger as such, but am trying to remember that blips are part of the recovery process and I should see it as that. Problem is, when the anxiety strikes - I tend to worry about stuff that I otherwise wouldn't. It's almost a shift in focus that is hard to arrest.

I'm 2.5 weeks in to being on 40mg Citalopram, so I hope it's still kicking in. The Citalopram itself, I've been back on for about 9 weeks. The anxiety itself is different to what it was 3/4 weeks ago - this time, it's a tight feeling in the throat, coupled with sweaty hands and feeling as if something bad is going to happen. Gone is the nausea (thankfully) but when it's bad, it's still with me as soon as I get up in the morning. It makes for a long day, so again I'm going to have to plan some stuff to do this week and keep myself around people if I can, rather than sitting in the house and winding myself up! In-laws tomorrow, I think - if they don't mind some company. Weather up in Newcastle is supposed to be pretty poor tomorrow.

I'm still keeping on going with my Journal - think I'll have a fair bit to write about tonight, and get these thoughts 'challenged' on paper.

On a positive note, I've managed to find the book 'Esstential Help for your Nerves', by Dr Claire Weekes. Been a good few years since I read it, so am going to revisit it tonight.

[Oosh]

Sounds like a good plan.

With me setbacks can come because of
1. Thoughts, memories that unnerve me and create doubt or a poor self image.
I might have not even noticed the thought that did this or I might have noticed it. I try to remember the ingredients that had created my previously good mood, self image, self esteem. I focus on reasons I should feel anxiety free, feel confident, like myself, feel positive about the path I'm on etc. I remember things I enjoy like humour. A giggle about something brings an anxious outlook crashing down in a second.

2. Something physiological like a recent deterioration in my diet, quality of sleep, a recent slip in my abstinence from eating things like sugar. I get back into a healthy lifestyle knowing it will improve the way I feel. Eat to feel good for the hours following and not to feel good whilst eating. Sugars good when you're eating it but physiologically you'll pay later. I notice lots of foods leave me feeling worse for hours after.

Your being around people is a great idea. Enjoy a good moment with other people and get your confidence back and feel some enjoyment again. People trigger lots of our reward systems. So there's lots of triggers there that can switch us back on again in a positive way.

[Logan_Five]

Agreed, Oosh. I spent a few hours with the in-laws today, which was good. Plenty of chat over dinner, etc. I might visit again tomorrow. Suggested to the dad-in-law that we watch some comedy, so might do that tomorrow. Thursday is planned - meeting up with a mate for an early dinner, then I'll visit my parents afterwards (my turn for the car!)

Didn't sleep well last night - felt like I tossed and turned. Anxiety has been a wee bit better today, so that's good. As for diet - have cut right down on the caffine - have had two cups of regular tea today, though I need to get myself some more peppermint tea, which I've started drinking more of. Used to be one for tea+biscuits at night-time whilst watching TV, but that's not a good idea at the moment! I've actually lost weight (about 1.5st) over the last few months due to not eating as much rubbish. It's taken me down to below my ideal weight, but there are reasons.

[aprilmoon]

Hi Logan
Its great that you're getting out there and socializing, I think that helps a lot.

[Logan_Five]

It does, April. It's far better than sitting in the house on my own all day, whilst the wife and daughter are out.

[zeros]

Getting out is one of the best methods to recovery if you feel ready to do so of course.
Try reading the book and taking notes. I have my phone remind me of various quotes from the book to keep them fresh in my memory.

[Logan_Five]

Zeros - the book is an interesting read (again) Not if I understand fully the concepts of 'accepting and floating', but am willing to give it a go.

Getting out and about has fortunately never been a problem for me. I'd something I'd rather very much do if I can, rather than sit in the house stewing!

[NoPoet]

Logan, it sounds like you're doing really well. It's hard to stay social when you're anxious as your first instinct is to withdraw. Good luck, and know that we're all with you and we all believe in you.

[Davit]

Logan

It is a shift, In actual terms what happens is you use a negative pathway that exists and always will exist because you can not erase memory. But look at it like this, you have two paths with a gate at the head. If you don't open the wrong gate your day will go fine. But if you do, and often we do just by wondering where it goes, then you have to back track and close it. And the keys to these gates are thought. Positive thought will open the right gate and your memory won't give you all the anxious thoughts it has collected all these years. It is that simple. The new fMRI (function magnetic resistance imaging) shows there are actually different pathways for negative and positive thought.
So since you can not remove the memories what you have to do is quit using them, leave that gate closed and use all the happy positive memories you have to keep it closed.
Repetition makes it easier till you just never think to see if the negative path still works. Believe me it does, it is going nowhere, it is a permanent part of you. But you do not have to use it

[Logan_Five]

Thanks NoPoet

Davit - I think I understand. Problem is with me (I think) that much of my anxiety is sub-consciously driven, but I will try to counteract that with positive thoughts. Appreciate it's going to take time and practice. Today has been a better day, am glad to say.