Really struggling..

[Trueman]

Boy it's been a bad week and a terrible day today. My heart rate checking has gone off the Richter scale! The pain in my upper back is crippling and my throat is just seizing up.

No one to talk too is just an added nightmare as well. Two kids at home and I'm pretty sure I've failed this week looking after them on my own. I haven't taken them anywhere other than school and that's a struggle.

I'm loosing my way again..

Haven't been on for a bit because I've been battling it all with some small amount of success but this week has blown that out of the window. Right now I just think I'm going to die. Every pain, ache, intrusive negative health thought taking over.

How's your day been?!

[VickyC]

Hi Trueman, sorry to hear you've been having a rough week. I've had a bad few days too. I also have two children and I feel so guilty that I can't function to be a good mother to them when I feel like this. Fortunately I have a wonderful husband and parents who help at times like this. Sorry you feel you haven't got anyone to talk to, but this site is full of like minded individuals and we're all battling the same problem. I don't have a miracle cure suggestion, but I know tonight I'm feeling a bit better as I have myself a bit of a talking to and rationalised the situation.
You're not alone.

[VickyC]

Paul is spot on. When I have a bad bout I genuinely don't think I would be capable of looking after the kids. You are doing incredibly well to be looking after them on your own.

[Trueman]

Thanks Vicky and Paul. I appreciate your responses they were really supportive. Sorry I should have been clearer - been looking after the kids on my own for a week without partner. Usually he is my fail safe. Which actually makes me feel useless too relying on him. But he has been away for a week and I've just spiralled into a big mess. And I really wanted to manage, to cope and I feel like I haven't. Mind you ha ha I did have a cat who had an operation, a car that broke down and two kids to deal with but yeah I've not done well. I'm a wreck again.

Hey ho tomorrow might be better. I'm sure this HA is like an obsessive compulsive disorder. It's really every second, constant.. Never lets up when it takes hold.

[worrywart29]

I used to check my heart rate all day at least every five minutes I was checking my heart rate I had a device that I used. It was terrible and I didn't know how I would break it. Finally my mother convinced me to go to the doctor to get my heart checked to put my mind at ease. I went and got a ekg and they said everything was fine. I noticed after that I checked maybe twice a day that was months ago and now I still sometime check but not nearly as much as before. If you haven't had your heart check maybe going to check it out will help put your mind at ease. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad it's been a rough day for me as well. Hopefully things get better for us soon.

[Trueman]

Thank you worrywart29. Yes I have device too. It goes with me everywhere.

I have had a holter monitor recently. Nothing showed up. But I have an ongoing potential overactive thyroid which is being monitored. So that probably explains some things or maybe not. Overactive borderline results.

I have managed days without checking HR but then suddenly it takes over again. I take my temperature 6 or seven times as well inbetween. Ugh. I'm depressed admitting this. I just have to stop it don't I...

---------- Post added at 22:30 ---------- Previous post was at 22:29 ----------

Thanks for the chat though all of you. It's helped.

[Anacbn]

Hi trueman,
Please promise you will throw devices and thermometer in the bin. The reassurances and checking out you into a vicious circle that is impossible to come out.
It's difficult, oh God, don't I know!!! But I'm sure you can do it. Don't blame yourself, we are all entitled bad days, but maybe it's time to look for some help like cbt and follow a plan.
I also check my heart rate from time to time, but just once every 3 hours when I see things getting out of control. I'm not allowed to look for illness symptoms in the Internet. Sometimes I literally have to seat on my hands, and when everything else fails I play a high attention game like candy crush, no time to think about anything else then...
Good luck and feel positive, you can do it.
All the best,
Ana

[harriettravis24]

hi, I've been rough for some time now and i know how you feel relying on checking your heart rate as I'm always checking my temperature and wearing nausea bands, however I'm trying to cut down on my reliance and you should too.
i know it can be hard with none to talk to but theres plenty of likeminded on here and finally don't worry about your children not getting the attention I'm sure if they understood they would want you to focus on getting better, and i bet your doing a better job than you think on your own!

[WWendy]

Hi. I used to be just like you but I wanted to reassure you because although I still have health anxiety and general anxiety it is much more manageable. There is light at the end of the tunnel x