I know this is my third or forth post today but its hard to get my mind off these things and sometimes it really helps to write here and have someone tell me how they feel or other things.As a matter of fact it helps alot.As most of you know..I hear my heartbeat all the time,booming in my head and sometimes jut slightly but everyday .I have been told that there is nothing indicating blockage anywhere,but I get tenderness around the back of my ear out going towards the very back of head and now deep within my ear.I get weird pains in my neck on both sides and feel sometimes like if i have anything close to the base of my neck im choking.My mind wakes in the morning checking how I feel and then sometimes I feel really tired and just sick.Not sure just how I feel sick but i do.I wonder many times if they could have missed an artery or something that would make me have issues,I too often wonder about brain tumor..but luckly I have a friend that is a nurse that is constantly telling me no.Actually i think they are kind of avoiding us now due to the fact that I ask too much which makes me feel like a nut,or crazy person or maybe they have just been busy..I worry so much all the time I just want to give up.I get so many odd feelings I don't know what to think of them or how to let go and be happy again.I worry when I don't feel real bad because im afraid something bad is going to happen and i worry when I do feel bad because im afraid that there is something sinister wrong..IM pretty sure the chances for something really being wrong are really slim..Why can't I just forget about my worries and stop it?I really hate this and also writing here so much I know I must have ocd tendencies but every reply that I get I cross something off my list.This is a miserable way to exist..But im stuck in oblivion with no way out..What is the chance that three people wouldn't notice something that would be alarming as far as health in another person.They are trained to do this?
PRAYER FOR FREEDOM FROM SUFFERING
May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending each other.
May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.
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