Well I thought I would post some of the highlights of my recovery so far. It's incredibly inspiring reading about people pushing themselves into things so I hope this helps someone somewhere.
In summary I became completely housebound by panic almost 4 years ago, thus becoming fully agoraphobic. Those first months were just wave after wave of panic and that was without even trying to do anything particularly triggering! I had just reached a point of intense and extreme sensitisation of fear. It took about 18 months to be able to venture out into the surrounding streets and lots and lots of hours of exposure therapy. In hindsight, whilst the exposure was helping, my mindset wasn't quite the right approach so progress was slow, tentative and shaky. I'd made some progresses but I was still very limited where I could go and when and under what circumstances etc. Last year I had a panic attack relapse and deteriorated from june to dec eventually becoming housebound again over Christmas. On top of this I then experienced a full depressive episode on top of the panic, complete with suicidal urges. Lovely!
I gave myself 2 weeks to rest up over Xmas and then started a recovery plan in earnest. It was a plan built on determination, focus, some aggressiveness and also self compassion. As the months have passed, the progress has been exponential and amazing. I have used a combination of tools including mindfulness, twice daily meditation, diet, exercise, my private therapist who I see fortnightly and lots and lots of exposure therapy. I have also educated myself intensely on the workings of how and why I ended up in this panic cycle and more importantly what I need to do to retrain my brain to come out from it.
I still have a long way to go and many things/situations to "un panickify". But the healing momentum is gathering pace and I am constantly pushing myself each day to do something new.
Currently I am able to cycle into town (which I do a minimum of 4 times a week) by MYSELFI have 2 voluntary jobs that I go to each week and I also go to a tai chi class weekly. I have been able to meet someone from another anxiety forum (6 months ago this would have seemed impossible!) and we've met a couple of times now. I have joined the library in town, been into cafes and sat and had a cup of tea, shopped in big department stores (no loitering near the door for me now!
) and last week I went into a hairdressers for a haircut for the first time in 15 years. All these things have been by myself!
Everyday now I am just pushing and pushing myself, compassionately, into situations that scare me and then stay in one place until the fear has dropped. Sometimes this can take a couple of hours! However, it is this tactic that has been the most crucial element for me when doing the brain retraining. I also feel different this time round to when I did the exposure a few years back. There feels like a sense of permanency in the recovery this time that I didn't feel at all last time.
Anyway this really is a very short summary of my recovery so far. When I was first housebound I honestly couldn't see how I could ever recover and go anywhere or do anything again. I thought my life was over. I hope my story can offer some hope to anyone in that dark place. It is possible to recover.
I still have lots of work to do and its a work in progress so I may add things to the "can do" list as and when I do them
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Originally Posted by Davit
I am certain there are massive differences and changes happening in my brain. It's almost like I can "feel" the new connections. All I know for certain is that this part of recovery feels totally different to the last attempt and that it feels more permanent instead of temporary, like the last exposure felt like. After 4 years in hell its so good to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel 
instead of this 
