Update

[Mart0310]

Hi All,

Thought I wiould check in with an update having been away for a little while.

I was new to the site at the beginning of the year, when anxiety brought me here, although I wasnt new to anxiety having lived with it for ten years before a sucessful recovery with the help of counselling.

When I came back here I was pretty vulnerable, I had experienced some odd vision problems over a short period of time which in turn triggered a pretty swift return to anxiety!

Initially the vision problems were thought to be occular migraine, until it was discovered that my Vitamin D levels were through the floor ... My GP now feels this was to blame or possibly a panic reaction. Im just coming to the end of a 3 month supplement.

This left me with the anxiety to deal with! The counsellor I used last time was out of the country and so I set about finding somebody new.

Im so grateful that I did, My new counsellor is superb, after a few sessions she picked up on something that had been completely missed previously - I dont fit the pattern of typical generalised anxiety. Pre 'Anxiety' my lifestyle was a confident one, I wasnt a worrier, I didn't have self esteem issue etc. My anxiety is centred very much around 'trapped panic'

I had said to a psychologist many years ago that I thought my diagnosis was wrong, her response was that my problems were nothing deep rooted just anxiety. It never really sat right with me, but I put my doubt down to anxiety (ironically) we question everything right?!

My counsellor suggested my behaviour and body language related in some way to trauma rather than generalised anxiety. I was puzzled, I can honestly say I couldnt recall any situation in my life that I would have considered "traumatic" or least not to such a degree that it would have caused this!

I started to doubt her at this point! We talk back through just before the vision problems started, I was busy with work, apart that not much was happening except going to the dentist for the first time in 30 years! Why in in 30 years she asked? I replied I hate dentists! she asked why? I explained that when I was about eight I had been taken to the dentist for my first filling, the memories came flooding back at this point! I had got scared and cried. The dentist shouted at me, and threatened to force my mouth open with a prop. I was held down while the treatment continued.

There it was! my trauma!, suddenly my issue with being panicky in trapped situations had an obvious reason.

She feels it was the revisit to the dentist that triggered the panic at the beginning of the year, including the visual symptoms. She also explained how this had related to my previous period of anxiety. There are many situations in life where we feel trapped whether physically or mentally. Each time I felt I was in a stressful situation with nowhere to run my mind recalled that 8 year old boy and the reaction was one similar to PTSD.

Gaining an understanding was amazing, almost a feeling of dropping the chains, it was also unsettling, everything I thought I understood was different, no longer could I blame myself for anxiety, it wasnt my fault! no longer was it just a feeling of being scared, it had a cause! It took me a few weeks to come to terms with that!

Anxiety levels are still up an down, but this is pretty much a replica of my last recovery, you move forward, try something new, it causes anxiety until it becomes practiced again and so on. Week on Week Im making progress, its a battle but Im coming through!

I had some good news today, when I first saw the GP they suggested a CT brain scan just for reassurance, I have been dreading it and putting it off, changing the appointment date every time it got near. I was due to go again tomorrow, then my GP said today, in view of the fact that I havent had the vision problems for 3 months now it would be a pointless exercise, symptoms of brain tumours get worse with time not better. That was like music to my ears!!

Hows everyone else doing?

[Oosh]

That's great news Mart.

I'm glad you've been able to unravel it all.

[Davit]

That is a very good example of a core belief built on a trauma and of other cores built on this root core. Besides the dentist how those you trust and what they said can build related cores such as lack of trust and feeling inferior. Or worst of all feeling worthless because you were not tough enough. It was a very vulnerable age.

Core beliefs are not a common knowledge so we put them in a thread for anyone who wants to learn about them.

I bet it feels good to be recovering.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm very pleased you are getting somewhere, Mart.

Do you think your previous anxiety period was also related to this?

Where does the vitamin D fit in? A retriggering?

Its interesting because I've done some reading on epigenetics recently and the process mentioned in triggering certain types of changes is also active in anxiety disorders - methylation. This process makes billions of changes per second and we need it to live but it can be switched to the negative by creating an environment for negative change.

[Mart0310]

Ive gone over the siginificant periods of Anxiety with the counsellor, each one can be explained by a situation where I felt things were out of my control, and therefore a sense of being trapped facing something I just wanted to run from.

Looking back, whenever anxiety peaked I always felt a need to escape usually by going for a drive. It explains a great deal!

Vit D - its potentially the cause of the vision problems I had which in turn triggered the Anxiety again, equally it could well have been the new trip to the dentist triggering a panic reaction which manifested in visual disturbance, its almost impossible to tell. My Vit D levels were excessively low, something like 17 when they should be around 90. Interestingly there were some physical symptoms which I put down to anxiety - muscle spasms, joint aches and tiredness, these have pretty much vanished since getting my levels back

Right now Im guessing the best way I can describe how Im feeling is unsettled, Like I want to run away from counselling, and cling to my belief that this is generalised anxiety - its what I know!. The counsellor feels that not having addressed this correctly in the first place is the reason it returns, obviously the logical in me wants rid. So for now a few weeks of uncomfortable!