Don't know where else to turn .. (CHRONIC ANXIETY/SOCIAL/WORK ANXIETY)

[abs]

Hello all,

I haven't posted on here in a little while but things have got quite bad again recently. I suffer from chronic anxiety/panic disorder and as a result of that depression too ...

Socially I'm finding things VERY difficult at the moment, my confidence is absolutely on the floor and I'm finding it hard to be around people or outside in busy, sociable places at all.

I've worked in my current job for the past two years and it's a job that most people would regard as easy and everyone that works in there is really lovely, however it's a very sociable job and I'm finding it nearly impossible to go to work with how I'm feeling. Every time I go in I get SO anxious and I've even had a couple of panic attacks in work recently. Thankfully the job are aware about my situation and are supportive which helps and I'm very grateful of that, but it doesn't take it all away.

I just don't know where else to turn, it's getting to the point where I can barely look someone in the eye and have a conversation let alone talk to customers and fellow employees. Every time I'm in there I feel like I have to put a mask on to appear okay but it's exhausting because inside I just feel so awful. I've also recently got in to the habit of taking a bit of diazepam just before I go in to work to take the edge off a bit but this is worrying and something I don't want to get in to the habit of. I'm also scared to loose my job because I have really loved working there but I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I just feel like my whole world is getting smaller and smaller. My friends still invite me out but I always have to politely decline and I feel sad because I've pushed people away. I end up thinking ... 'If they don't get close then then don't need to see how much I struggle and don't have to deal with me.' My anxiety massively prevents me from forming normal friendships, and relationships ... well that's a whole different matter! I was seeing someone who I cared about very much last year but due to my anxiety (and various other reasons) it didn't work out, this knocked my confidence massively and I blamed myself.

It's very sad as there's some great people who care about me but it's very hard to be around people when being alone is usually when I feel calmest. I think the main fear of being around people is that they will think I'm weird/mad or they'll see I have anxiety/issues. The fear of making a fool out of myself or getting upset is a big thing too. If I cared less what people thought of me then I guess this wouldn't be such an issue.

In terms of how I try to tackle it, I try to do everything right. I eat healthily, exercise, do yoga, drink very little alcohol and I've been to numerous therapists, yet after trying everything in the book I'm contemplating my last port of call which is SSRI medication. I have tried to resist full time medication for a long time but I don't feel like I have any other options left, I'm fed up of feeling like this constantly, it's no way to live your life. My only worries with medication is that I'm going to be on it for the rest of my life and that my creativity (I'm a writer) will go out of the window. Does any one have any advice on this??

Anyway just looking for a friendly ear from anyone who has been through something similar. Any help would be appreciated.

Much love, Abs xx

[sial72]

Hi there Abs
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time.
Yes I have been through something similar, very similar in fact.
Have you ever read Claire Weekes books?
In her books she explains how we get ourselves to this point and also where to take it from there. I found the information extremely helpful.
You could also go down the medication route if you think you need it, but medication will not solve some of your issues like feeling guilty, blaming yourself for things...all these are things that you will have to work on because if not when you give up the medication the issues will still be there.
I also swear by Dr Stuarts tranquillity tea and I have found magnesium to be helpful.
Let me know how you're doing, I can be your friendly ear
xxx

[Soulcatcher71]

Abs, you really arent alone on this one - 99% of all my issues are caused by work. All the things you've mentioned - the socialness of interacting with people, putting on a mask, just functionally being able to do the job with anxiety - all these are constant struggles for me. Not to mention the fact that I'm a bread winner, and my job is keeping the family in the lifestyle they are accustomed too.
Sometimes all this can just take me over the top too.

Do you find that it comes in waves? In other words, it will gradually subside and settle down for a few weeks then slowly come back again?

[Oosh]

You're not just your anxiety, remember that. What about all the other likeable things you are ? How often do you focus on those aspects of yourself ?
What are the other sides to your personality ?

I think it might help to accept that people might actually like you, anxieties and all. They might like the whole package. So you need to remember what that is and have a more balanced view of yourself.

You can go through life believing that what you are is not acceptable to others. So you fear and avoid others and quietly hate yourself. But your view of yourself is warped and overly focused on the anxious you.
When you start to realise you're actually not that bad a bloke when you open your eyes to all the things you actually are everything looks a lot brighter, more enjoyable and less anxiety provoking. People/company then becomes emotional food you need and want instead of something to be feared and hidden from.

[helloworld]

Hi abs,

Sounds like you have similar symptoms to me.... I certainly found it useful to be completely open about things with my work colleagues. Most of them have been really understanding. I started taking an SSRI several months ago and personally I found it very helpful. If you want to chat about it or share advice etc.., please feel free to message me!

Hope you're doing OK at the moment.
Mark

[abs]

Thank you for the kind words everyone, that really means a lot I'm definitely focusing on all of the negatives about myself, thinking that I'm not worthy of love being the way that I am and that people won't be able to handle it if they have to deal with the 'real me'.

In terms of work I'm really trying to turn it around and I have help from certain friends in there but the social aspect of it and the fact that I feel like I can't escape if I feel bad makes thing very difficult for me and my anxiety/panic attacks in work are becoming quite frequent. I'm worried that one of my bosses will pick up on it and ask me whats going on, and if they do I think that I'll just break down in tears!

Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle anxiety in the work place? Are there any techniques or ways to manage it that you'd suggest???

My aim is to start trying to think more positively anyway and to turn it all around (but I'm sure as many of you know just trying to 'think positive' isn't as easy as it sounds)

Hope you're all having a great week so far

Many thanks all,
Abs xxx

[sial72]

Nice advice from Oosh