Pushed about

[elik]

Hi guys,

In a bit of a crappy place. Just feel like I've really noticed lately that no one treats me with respect and they can just push me about because they just don't care for my response. I've always been a bit like that but I've tried to get people to respect me more. It doesn't work. If I refrain from them a bit in order to disagree with them I just get called cold etc so I can't seem to win! I hate it so much I just like being bubbly but everyone keeps knocking my confidence and it's making me a sad version of myself.

Any tips?

Thanks

[Oosh]

You mean they dismiss your opinion, don't show it any respect ?

Your opinion is your perspective, know your perspective, think it through, be able to back it up and show why it makes sense, to you. If anyone tries to belittle it they'll then have to come up with reasons why, then THEIRS need to stand up to scrutiny as well as yours does.

Well thought out perspectives win not people's personalities. A lazy person used to dismissing your perspective ,because they are more dominant than you ,will often have a poorly thought out perspective. Stay calm and challenge it. See if there are any flaws in it. What can they do if they're faced with a gaping flaw ? Then they just look feeble if they try and continue to beat you down if their perspective is just clearly flawed.

Become known for having well thought out opinions/perspectives and sharing them. It's hard to change people's perspective on you when they're used to being able to dismiss you though so expect resistance. Don't stop, just keep sharing your calm, well thought out perspectives/opinions and being confident they hold water. People's view of you will change and they'll feel that dismissing you is in effective.

You are you and your take on life is as valid as everyone else's so don't stop sharing it. Look at it from different perspectives first and make sure it makes sense when seen from a different persons perspective. Take on board issues people point out with it, if they make sense. But if they don't, say so.

Shape them, stand by them, share them and put two fingers up to anyone who doesn't like it.

[Rennie1989]

You said that you try to get people to respect you more, how do you do this?

I've learnt that people will respect you if you give them reason to. Do you help your colleagues out? Do you put yourself out for others? People will respect others for different reasons, whether it's your fashion sense, humour or whatever. You cannot get everybody to respect you, just as you can't be liked by everyone.

[Davit]

And some people will hate you because you are different or don't agree with them.

Rennie have you learned about the two types of people referred to as apples and oranges because they are so different.
Pure apples are aggressive go getters that will walk on people to get their way and only like you if you agree with them. Money and possessions is their goal. They seldom get panic attacks but give out plenty. They love their family but it has to tow the line.

Pure oranges are caring and compassionate, artistic, intelligent yet still assertive when they are right. Concerned about all their surroundings not just what they own and more subject to second hand anxiety from other people or situations. They live with their family, not own it.
Not many pure oranges, the majority of people lean toward apple. Fitting in neither causes anxiety, striving for pure apple causes extreme stress. Failure is not acceptable. Failure comes from insisting on doing it their way. Cognitive restructuring is neither a thing you can buy or their idea, they won't do it and actually argue against it.
Lots of people like that here. In between people. What the beetles coined nowhere man.

[Rennie1989]

I can't say that I am familiar with that concept. I shall investigate.

[Davit]

My therapist knew about it.

I know a few people in either extreme but most fit in the middle to apple extreme side. It seems where you are is pretty fixed.

[simonlacree]

I get pushed about. I used to it but i don't like it.

[stay_gold]

I've experienced this. I realised weirdly it was cos I wasn't fake enough. I always stuck to my guns and morals and stuff and people seemed to hate that, so they projected their insecurities onto me almost to purposely kill my confidence. You gotta stay stong, have it out with them and tell em how you feel or walk away.

[simonlacree]

I think walk away is best. But some times you got no choice. You got to fight. So fight your best.

[Pipkin]

We know the difference between right and wrong. Unfortunately, others don't and will try to push us around or pull the wool over our eyes.

Wherever possible, rise above it and let it pass over you. Fighting may seem like an instinctive response but it does nothing but raise anxiety levels. There's also nothing more frustrating for bullies than to see they have no effect on you.

Almost as bad as being pushed around is when people warp situations and give others the completely wrong impression of events. I see it in everyday life and also on here. In the past we've had a very small number of really negative members who thought their views were the only ones that counted, refusing to listen to others and completely lacking emotional intelligence. When they're found out, they move to another site and tell everyone how poor NMP is. As I started off by saying, we rise above it. The truth always comes out in the end.

This is a great place to vent if you need some solid support on any of these issues. Our members are fantastic and I'm constantly in awe of the support they give to others. It's certainly helped me no end in the past.

Take care

Pip