intense fear of going blind

[ker92ri]

Hello, my health anxiety started in 2013 I was convinced I had an incurable stomach disease lost a ton of weight and convinced I was eventually going to have to be tube fed. I recovered and everything seemed fine.

Now I am completely obsessed with my eyes, I have a lazy eye and thought how awful would it be if something happened to my good eye. I have seen 2 opthalmologists who have both said my eyes are fine. I have stopped eating, I look in the mirror constantly to see if I can spot redness. I am contemplating going to A&E now because I have eye pain. If it's not a glaucoma attack it's retinal detachment. I haven't slept properly in days because I worry that when I wake up I'll be blind. I'm scared something awful is happening and I'm not doing anything about my inevitable blindness. I have become a member of various online blind groups and have even looked into getting a dog for the blind. I have blurry vision which came on suddenly and the docs are scratching their heads because they have found no evidence of any disease. I am that irrational I would welcome an incurable brain tumour and death over going blind.

[Gary A]

I think you need to consider therapy for this, as I'm sure you're aware, this is not normal.

All I can do is tell you that there's no reason whatsoever to fear just all of sudden going blind. The human body just doesn't work like that.

These groups you're joining and the idea of getting a guide dog, all you're doing there is reaffirming your subconcious mind into thinking that you are either blind already or will be very soon. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this is why you're sensing blurry vision. Your body has a wonderful way of acting out what your brain tells it.

It's the brain/body connection. A good example of this is things you salivating when you see food that looks good, or your stomach churning when you get nervous. The salivation is only supposed to happen when you're actually eating food to aid digestion, but because you see this food and imagine how good it would be to eat, your body starts to respond as if you are actually eating it.

This blurry vision really could be the same. You're constantly telling yourself you're at risk of blindness, even to the point of joining organisations specifically designed for blind people, and your body is responding to your thoughts.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I second everything Gary says.

Did you know that Somatoform Disorder, which you are very likely going to have one of, can mimic physical issues? There are known cases that have had all sorts of neurological tests to then be passed to a psychologist and treated for the anxiety disorder that have caused a situation to be mimicked.

Your anxiety seems severe if you are joining groups and planning for it.

The best possible thing you can do for yourself right now is visit your GP as soon as you can amd talk to him/her about your concerns. They will help you access the people you need to recover because you do not need to live your life like this.

Your last comment, I can fully understand. When my anxiety has been severe I have said similiar things to myself and its not because you really want something physically bad to happen to you, its just sheer desperation because you want the current situation to end.

[ker92ri]

Thanks Gary, I know it's irrational and completely not normal. I have tried medication, CBT and hypnotherapy, nothing works. I am completely obsessed, it's glorious sunshine where I am and I'm scared to go out in case I damage my retinas. I am also at a greater risk of retinal detachment because I'm long sighted. I'm scared to have children just in case I won't be able to see them. I've stopped driving, I am just an empty shell. If I lost my good eye I would be functionally blind, it terrifies me!

[Gary A]

See your GP. You really can't go on like this, it's irrational in the extreme. The human eye has evolved over millions of years to operate and survive in all kinds of conditions. The eye is a fascinating organ and it really is a miracle of nature. To think simply going out in sunlight will damage your retinas is of course, irrational.

Granted, staring intently at the sun won't do your eyes any favours, and sunglasses will give them some rest from the strain of brighter light. You will not damage your eyes by going out into the sun, in fact, keeping them under lock and key will do them worse.

[ker92ri]

Thanks Gary, I just can't help thinking everything is a medical emergency. I'm constantly consumed with thoughts of "what ifs". I am able to give other health anxiety sufferers advice, yet I can't take it myself. There's so many things that can damage your sight and it really scares me. I just want to be normal and do things that normal people do.

[Frenchy]

You can do all the normal things normal people do. You just need some help to get your brain to recognise that - and stop from focusing on all those irrational "what ifs".

Your case does sound fairly extreme. I really would definitely start thinking about some therapy and also focus on some simple positive steps that you can take first. Steps that you really could take with just a very small amount of self discipline. For example, stopping yourself from participating in online communities for the blind. Whilst I realise you feel you want to join those communities, you could easily stop yourself from you doing that with just the smallest amount of will power. That kind of activity is doing absolutely NOTHING for you at this point, other than fueling and validating your anxiety and providing you with an ever growing list of things you will convince yourself is happening to you when it isn't.

Our eyes are precious, it is true. But it is also true that they are highly adaptive and surprisingly resilient and for the vast majority of people - yourself included - only common sense care is needed (for example a good pair of sun glasses).

[ker92ri]

Thanks Frenchy, you are right it is really extreme. Everyone is getting fed up of my constant need for reassurance. I know I'm wasting my life, I have tried to concentrate on overcoming the health anxiety. But I just feel compelled to Google blinding conditions. If I could I would see an optometrist everyday, but then the thought of seeing them terrifies me because they will say something is wrong. It's a constant battle, I have even started to measure my eyes because I'm certain one is a lot larger than the other. My GP thinks CBT won't help and I need intense therapy from a psychologist. However, that will take a while, I know people who have been weighting 8 months!! I have just recently found out that I passed my degree with flying colours and I am due to graduate in September. People are telling me to concentrate on getting grad jobs, but I can't even leave the house!! I follow my mum around everywhere and ask her the same questions 100x a day. Sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here. I've become a burden already and I'm not even blind yet.

[worrywart29]

Let's say hypothetically you are going blind, would you want to think later on about how you could have enjoyed your vision while you had it? The fact that you are so scared of losing your vision, should prompt you to want to see as much as you can, and do as much as you can while you are able to do so. You are of course not going blind but I can't see a person that really believe they are going blind wasting the time they have left with their sight. Reverse the negative and use your fear as a way to get out and enjoy life.

[Davit]

I did read this, good posts. I had both cataract replaced. Till then I continued to live my life even though I could hardly see. Life didn't end, it was only the thought that was a problem. I was a hazard on the road though LOL.