Intrusive thoughts make me feel like a fraud around my friends

[sadtimes]

I've posted SO much in this forum, I need to stop omg.
Bascially I've had an intrusive thought that is SO disgusting and so morally wrong that it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
It's not necessarily the thought itself that really worries me, it's more like: If people knew what I was thinking, they'd think I was sick. I'm constantly thinking "If my boyfriend/friend/family found out, or knew about it, they would never understand and honestly disown me." It just makes me feel so disgusted and sick that I can't cope. It kinda makes me feel like a fraud because I'm sat with my friends or with my boyfriend and they have no idea what's going on in my head and they just see this completely normal person, not having a clue that their brain makes them think such sick and disgusting things.
I don't know how I can cope any more.
I know the thoughts aren't true, because I proved that to myself because there was a 3 week period where I knew the thought was ridiculous and there was no anxiety around it and I completely forgot about it, I just want to get back to that.

[MyNameIsTerry]

You haven't posted much at all, don't worry about that. Post if you need to. Its only an issue if you are doing it to seek reassurance as a compulsion to take away fear when it comes to OCD. Normal reassurance and understanding is fine.

You've missed something here. You don't need the 3 week period to prove they aren't true. That period proves that you can break free of them and recover. The thing that proves they are not who you are is that they are offensive to you so you coulnd never entertain acting them out. This is the internal battle of OCD. And don't worry if you even see a period where you get a sense of "liking" them or even groinal responses or other feelings if they are sexual thoughts as that is common too and accepted as part of OCD.

If you removed that reaction of catastrophizing and analysing what you perceive would be the outcome, would it take the fear away? Try to counter this type of argument with things like how known of us even understood it but then we experienced it and researched our OCD to find that it is a commonly accepted medical issue and not a reflection of our true selves at all. Your loved ones may not understand at first, but they would once educated.

You are still the same person and that will not change.

[sadtimes]

thanks Terry, the constant posts are becoming a compulsion because for a little while it does make the obsessions seem a bit better.

[MyNameIsTerry]

But you haven't posted much at all. You believe your posting is an issue but is it? The people I see as having really bad problems with reassurance seeking will post over & over and not accept that it is a problem. You can see it is a problem for you (like many sufferers will work out, of course) but don't post much anyway. I've seen other people say this before and its more out of lack of self confidence or maybe self esteem so that they are apologising for posting.

Posting can make us feel better anyway because people offer us support. So, is it really a need to seek reassurance in your mind or just that you find the support helps you?

Are you starting to feel you have to post for reassurance and thats what is a worry because of the possibility of a new compulsion?

I'm sorry if it seems I'm asking similiar things again, I'm just wondering whether its a bit of skewed perception or an emerging compulsion?