OCD - GAD overdrive

[angels22165]

Hi
I have suffered with GAD for 23 years years following post natal depression and during high stress or PMS OCD plays a big part in this. My irrational thinking always goes into over drive around death having thoughts that I shouldn't be here and it's my turn to die, I always think people who have committed suicide have had thoughts like this and that's why they have carried it out, it scares me to death thinking this way, this is the reason why I think it always comes back to this thought. Sorry to anyone reading this who as lost someone to suicide and I'm sure I am way off the mark and there suffering was much much deeper. I apologise . I am trying to explain and hopefully give myself a bit of peace for writing . Trying hard not to give the thought fuel and let them pass but is very hard this time round.

Thanks for any advice.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Is this being driven by the anxiety or a period of low mood/depression? Eitherway they can just be a relfection of how we want to escape our circumstances, not that we actually do want to die. As a mum, its obvious you will have a very strong belief behind why you do need to go on and I'm sure that this also brings in guilt about even having these types of thoughts so you end up feeling worse.

Is it the mood swings that are triggering this? And does it return to normal as your hormones rebalance or does it linger? Maybe trying to balance your hormones better during these periods would help prevent such a drop?

I think the reasons why people do take their own lives are split into various categories as well as the influence of factors leading them to thinking that its their only escape. We know we can have better periods so whilst we hate the blips & relapses, we know there is always a chance.

[angels22165]

Hi Terry
Thanks for your reply, I'm not sure this time if it is anxiety or low mood, I have been stressed quite a bit at work recently and also had a operation a couple of months ago to ease my periods. I think it may be low mood depression
Just came on a week ago also feel very lonely even though I have my husband and children, very upset and tired.
I'm at work in an hour but really think I need to make apt with GP it scares me feeling this way.
Thanks Terry

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Angels,

That does sound more mood related than anxiety related. If it were anxiety related then I would think you would be experiencing more of the "what ifs", catastrophizing, etc yet it seems more like your emotions are being affected with the references to loneliness, being upset & tired, etc.

One big thing I can say I've learned it how overall anxiety levels play a big part in my OCD (I have GAD & OCD). I find that low mood means more negative thinking and brings in those thoughts of failure about everything that I would otherwise more easily brush aside.

Have you found low moods/depressive episodes in the past have caused your OCD to intensify or has it been more anxiety that does this or maybe both? Given the theme of your intrusive thoughts, it does lend itself to the conscious thinking we often tend to do with low mood.

If you feel depressed for at least 2 weeks, then it could be a depressive episode. Since there doesn't appear to be an immediate trigger like with the PMS, it could be a build up of the other events that left you tired. Have you been feeling ok since your operation? Could it even be something that can be experienced due to that form of surgery?

[angels22165]

Hi Terry

Yes I suffered major depression after my first child 24 years ago then the GAD after my second 21 years ago. Been on meds since to control future episodes, I'm usually ok and time of month does increase the low mood, I was ok after the op it's just been the past week. I'm not sure want really as made it surface so bad again, but it's really upsetting me. like you say usually I can brush things aside but not over past week just seem to be going worse. I'm in two minds whether to wait and see if passes or go and see gp today.
Thanks

Julie

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Julie,

Is this a longer episode then or more intense thoughts or both? I've found my recovery has been very rocky at times and I thought I had a pattern going to find it change from time to time. This year I have seen it change to become a bit longer than normal and this has worried me because it reminded me of when I was really bad when the bad days were more like weeks at a time. I've found that they are still passing though so I can't quite understand what has changed.

Maybe you are having a different form of blip and with it going on longer, it is upsetting and you feel like you are sliding backwards but you might not be, it could just be a blip you have not had before?

You could see your GP and he/she may monitor it or look for a medication increase. To be honest, unless they see something major to warrant an increase I would think they would monitor you to see whether it continues first.

How have you managed to get through the others? What did you do to ease it? Can you try this more at the moment to see if it helps a little? Maybe even things like distractions? Or something aimed at lifting mood, something to make you laugh or feel more appreciated right now?

I found high strength Omega 3 very helpful in balancing my mood. It worked better than my Duloxetine which I suspect caused my mood fluctuations as I didn't have them before. Its not a 100% success and I still have low periods but I have found I can lift myself out of them easier or they may pass much quicker as well as feel less intense.

[angels22165]

Hi Terry

Yes this is a longer episode as before it used to soon settle after the pms but not this time. I too don't really want to up my meds if it is a blip and my usual gp is away until middle august so would be explaining all to a locum. It just settled all the other times but this time much more intense.
I need to set off for work now Iam just going to ring GP ask for a telephone consultation and take it from there.

Thanks Terry for your replies.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Good luck with it Julie.

If you have had your period since the operation then at least it sounds like its not connected to that. If not, it would be worth asking them if its a known problem and when it levels out. If you have had to take any meds due to that op, it would be worth having a look at whether this is a known issue they can cause. If that is the case, your GP might be able to counteract that with something.

Hopefully its just a one off for you. Some additional relaxation work sounds like a good thing though and things to lighten your mood every bit you can.

Whilst its harder right now, you still know they are only thoughts and are not a reflection of who you are. They are just deeply unpleasant but cannot in any way change you or cause you to do anything. But if you do feel they are getting too much to handle, its always worth letting your GP know incase they can help.

[angels22165]

Thanks Terry, I went to see the GP today and he was lovely, he thinks it is a blip and a build up of things recently stress at work, operation think I'm just prone to have set backs when things start getting on top of me. He increased the venlafaxine to 75mg twice a day and to go again in a month or earlier if start feeling worse. He said the increase should really give me benefit. So I'm trying to remain positive, very hard at moment as head feels to heavy and tired with the thoughts, he said when I get them just to tell myself my brain is playing jokes and I will be better soon.

Thank you Terry for your messages and advice.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats good to hear.

Yeah, thats one way to downplay them. Don't try to force them away or run away from them as thats a reinforcement with intrusive thoughts. Trying to not interact, analyse or judge them is another. Be non judgemental and try not to react with strong negative emotion because the area of the brain that looks for the reaction looks for these, the stronger the better.

Thats not easy though and it takes time but anything you can do to reduce reaction and interaction with them will help in the long run.

I noticed you have raised a thread on the Ven board. This is a good move because there are some very supportive people on there, Nicola being one of them who you have already spoken to. I don't believe any doctor who says we won't feel side effects, thats like a doctor giving a guarantee a treatment will work and we all know they don't do that for obvious reasons. Be realistic about it so that if you do feel side effects, they don't panic you as much. I will say that 150mg is where you can start feeling Ven interacting more with your norepinephrine receptors so side effects can be different to the lower doses (where it's working like a SSRI). If you notice agitation or anxiety, use the thread on the Ven board as people like Nicola have been through that. I'm on Duloxetine so I've been through it too and I know how it can differ to SSRI's so it can take you by surprise. You may have no side effects though, its so individual but I think we have to go into these things knowing the reality as it will help us control any panic if it happens.