Hello everyone,
My name is Sara, I'm 29 years old, and I have been diagnosed with GAD mixed with Panic Disorder and depression.
I am currently on medication and I feel fine. My problem is that even though I LOVE children, I could never imagine my life without them, I am terrified of being pregnant and giving birth. My husband wants a baby, I do too, but I have no idea how I will overcome my fears! I feel life is unfair. Here I am, feeling I was born to be a mom, but I am too scared to jump in.
I am not sure exactly what I am afraid of the most.....I saw 2 psychologists but without success. They juste told me that basically, I will have to suck it up and do it like everybody else. My gynecologist just said "you'll have to clean that mess up in your head or otherwise your pregnancy will be hell." Thanks for this, doc.
I had a friend whom had 2 kids and she was delighted to describe to me every little detail of pregnancy, morning sickness, she said she felt like there was an alien living inside her! She did the same thing with labor stories. I am pissed. Shouldn't we encourage ourselves, you know, a woman to another?!
I have to mention that my husband is bipolar, but is being treated and has been stable for 4 years. My "friend" says I'll probably go into postpartum depression if my husband cannot get up at night ( we are not sure if it will be the case, nevertheless, he will continue to work after the baby is born so it makes sense that I do the night feedings too..).
Anyway, to make a short story, I strongly desire children, but I can't bring myself to TTC. I feel stuck and it makes me sad. I feel I will never be able to overcome this. I'm pretty tired all the time from all my anxiety, I wonder if I'll be able to do this...
Maybe I won't be a good mom? Maybe I will hurt so bad during labor that I'll die? Or feel like I'm dying? Maybe I'll have an awful pregnancy? I have no idea what is scaring me so much, but to be honest, I think I am really not looking forward to having contractions...
Sorry for the long post, but I desperately need to talk :,(