Need a hug. Been a very stressful month.

[GingerFish]

I feel selfish for writing this as I am not the one who is ill here and compared to what my loved ones are suffering from, panic attacks are nothing but anyhoo for the last month I have been through my first major anxiety/PA setback in over a year. It had been building up for weeks and then all came to a head when I had my first migraine aura and it scared the absolute crap out of me.

I haven't felt right since. My anxiety has been through the roof and I have been feeling like I am actually dying or going crazy which is something I haven't felt in a long time so its quite unsettling. A setback is bad enough but then also in the last few weeks my papa got admitted to hospital and he is already on the transplant list awaiting a new kidney and liver due to complications of diabetes and cancer. He has been released and is doing ok but he is still a worry and then my stepdad got diagnosed with Parkinson's. It wasn't a surprise to hear but still hit us like a tonne of bricks to have it confirmed. He suffers from mini strokes and the doctors have told him the next stroke he has, he might not be so lucky. He wont be able to drive for much longer so me and my mum have to take up driving lessons again which is hard as we both suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I had to quit lessons recently due to mine but now I have added pressure to go back to driving which in turn, is making my setback stronger.

My mum also wants me and my partner to move into the house next door to them in order to help out with my stepdad's care and plus, I would be closer to my gran and papa too, should they need me. I am all for it but we need to work out if we could afford to move in.

So very stressful indeed. All this has happened in the last few weeks and to top it off, my car has been written off so I wont have a new car for another few weeks and I feel trapped in the house. My partner taking me out for a drive always calmed me down but now I feel trapped in the house. Where I stay is a dodgy area so don't feel safe walking around.

I feel bad for writing this as people are going through a lot worse but I just feel a bit overwhelmed tbh. I usually swallow down what gets to me but I can't do that any more for some reason. That can be viewed as a good or bad thing. I feel like I have missed out on summer because of my setback and then what happened with my papa, stepdad and the car.

[Danron]

Aw don't feel guilty for feeling like this, that is huge amount to be going through whilst trying to cope with anxiety. I really hope your dad and stepdad get better soon. It's no wonder you feel overwhelmed, be kind to yourself you are dealing with so much. I can't offer much help other than a friendly ear and a big virtual hug x hope you have a calmer evening. x

[sial72]

Don't feel bad, you certainly have got a lot on your plate and it really is not a matter of compairing, the fact that others have it worse (or not) doesn't make your situation any less difficult, SO, do not feel guilty for feeling the way you are feeling, it is completely normal.
Other than that...sending you BIG hugs xx

[GingerFish]

Thanks everyone. My stepdad went to the clinic today to get his Parkinson's treatment plan so its sunk in a bit more that he has it