Lost the plot...

[Justanutter]

Basically, I completely lost the plot at the weekend when I had the family (2 sons and daughter) round for Sunday lunch. My daughter and I sometimes clash and on this occasion we were venting about her situation with her ex and the kids and then gets wound up when I give my opinion. To make matters worse, my son always sticks up for her as they are very close and to cut a long story short, I just starting yelling at them to F*** O** out of the house now (this is totally out of character for me...). I continued to rant at them about stuff - half of which I can't even remember - said to my youngest "don't ever have kids" and then proceeded into the kitchen with a handful of pots which I promptly smashed against the sink wall... They could see how distressed I was. They know how bad my HA is and I know they can't understand it but I think I've now ruined our relationship for good. Elder son left (after shouting in my face - can't remember what he said, but he was so mad) and daughter and youngest stuck around. I then made it worse as I was sobbing at the sink saying I just wished I was dead and that if it wasn't for them I would be and this obviously upset them and youngest son then lost it with me and made me promise that I would go and get help again.

Later, eldest son came back round (youngest summoned him). He basically said he was only here to make sure my daughter was okay as he wasn't bothered about me, which upset me totally. After a bit more conversation, we all had a hug and they all went home.

The thing is, apart from my youngest son (who I am closest to), nobody else has even contacted me to see if I am okay. I am just so upset about it that I can't sleep. I feel so guilty for going off on one like that but surely they know that that is not me and it's this b loody anxiety that is doing it but I know they are sick of me. As their Mum, if it had been any of them in that state, I would have been there for them and at least have rung them or seen them the next day to make sure they are okay. They know my OH isn't supportive so I've got nobody. My daughter said she wished she had a stronger Mum which made me feel even worse but her way of dealing with me is to stay away as she thinks it is all nonsense.

Am I just a selfish cow - expecting too much? Am I just putting too much on them when they are just living their lives? We are normally such a close family, even though obviously, we disagree now and again as normal families do. Don't know how to make this all better as I have been like this for so long now. I am in despair of myself. Can't go to drs as I have a phobia - it's so easy for them to say go. I am just so depressed about my life, it's unbearable. I was on ADs but am now off them and don't want to take another type as the ones I was on suited me so much but I can't take them now because they react with other medication.

[DaisyLove]

i think it sounds like you need support from professionals... (same as me) i understand you have a phobia of doctors (i do too) however can you be any worst off than what you are now? health anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with and i can totally empathie with you on how you need others to be supportive. i think that you also need to be doing things for yourself also. my mum suffered with lots of problems and i wished she was a stronger mum but i still loved her so im sure you can work it through with your daughter. i definatley think you should try and figure out a way of getting to the doctors and asking for help. what meds have you tried? what therapy have you tried?

[Justanutter]

Thanks Daisy. I have tried Citalopram, which was brilliant for me and was on and off them for the last 10 years or so. I have been given Sertraline but won't take them because of the side effects and I need to be in work so can't function with side effects. I'm also nearing the end of the obligatory 12 week CBT course, which has been totally useless. I read loads of self-help books, try mindfulness and all to no avail. I think I will have this for the rest of my life in one form or another and that's such a depressing thought.

[MrAndy]

Its very hard on family I was having this conversation with sombody on here today,the thing is most people dont understand anxiety and depression.Lets face why should they ,they arent trained to deal with it.I dont think your selfish just at the end of your tether and need some support
Its worth trying sertraline I tired citalopram and couldnt handle it then tried sert and found it much easier to get on,the start up anxiety wasnt to bad
This doesnt have to be a life sentence ,people recover fully from this every day but dont go on forums to shout about it ,they just simply move on with life
good luck

[pulisa]

I think that you should accept that your family don't understand anxiety and try not to get angry/frustrated with them for not doing so. You do need support but I don't think you'll get it by shouting at them. I think you will have to face your fears whatever you decide to do.

My OH also backs off at any mention of the word anxiety. That's just how he copes with both mental health issues and autism.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I really think you should have a chat with your GP, even if over the phone about your medication concerns. I don't know if you read your other thread where I asked which beta-blocker you came off but both Citalopram & Sertraline have the exact same Major interaction warning against it.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=171809

I really think you need to ask your GP why you can take Sertraline but not Citalopram when they have the same risks involved. Is this an oversight on his part? Can you change beta-blocker to one that is ok alongside SSRI's? I'm wondering whether your GP has made a mistake here and pulled you off one for no reason or has pulled you off it with good reason but not checked the interaction on the new one.

I really think you need to ask those questions before you start Setraline because your GP needs to be monitoring according to the information about both of them if they decide to use them.

[Justanutter]

Thanks Terry. Sorry, I really thought I had answered your last post. I did a response to Pulisa the other day that didn't show for some reason so I'll have to watch for that.

Gosh, I hadn't read that, no. I will definitely ask about that. She's a really good doctor so I would be surprised if she's made an error.

[MyNameIsTerry]

In a way, I'm hoping you could go back on Citalopram as you know what you can expect. Whether that means monitoring or just changing your beta blocker to a safer one.

Unless there is something additional about Citalopram being a greater risk for some reason which I didn't see (I did have a quick search about it), both are the same here. It could be that it's an interaction with SSRI's making them all the same. But if you can change to something like propanalol, it will be fine alongside them as others take that combination on here.

But definately be sure about Sertraline before you start it given the interaction. For me, I can't see why a GP would switch to one with the same indicated risks and I have seen GP's make mistakes like that in the past on a few threads so it's worth asking about. I can also say that there have been a few occasions where I've been waiting for my prescription across the road from my surgery and the pharmacist has come out and refused to dispense it and sent the person back to the surgery...which was a bit worrying!

[blue moon]

We All need a sense of humour

I Have Lost The Plot.....lol

[pulisa]

I will have certainly lost mine after what's going to be a challenging few days. Shall we start a "Missing" thread for all Lost Plots?