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Thread: Everything contaminated

  1. #1
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    Red face Everything contaminated

    As I said in other posts toilet germs worry me. Basically I will post a few examples:

    *The toilet got blocked and I used a coat hanger to unblock it and my mum said she put it in a bin. I seen a hanger in my cupboard the same colour so basically I wanted to chuck everyone out or sell it in fear its contaminated even though it probably wasn't the same hanger. I have a Hoover for when I move out now I fear the whole house would be contaminated.

    *I had to buy a new mop bucket as after a shower I worried I brushed it and maybe my backside wasn't clean enough?

    *I won't use a rucksack in fear its contaminated no idea why..maybe toilet germs some how?

    Basically I get these thoughts all the time and loads of items in my room have bend off limits. I wouldn't plug headphone in my phone as one time after the toilet my backside wasn't 100% clean so fear my phone is too contaminated.

    At the moment my OCD makes me worry every thought in my head is real
    And my over active imagination is coming up with loads of scenarios where I can't use certain things. I buy new polish clothes, house brushes if I fear the old one is contaminated. Re buying is easing my anxiety but not a great long term solution...anybody else had issues like this before?

  2. #2
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    Right I have given up I've got the Hoover for sale on gum tree even though it's new. My head says it will be dirty and when I move house that will be dirty. I kept it by for months but this time I couldn't resist and was even going to search the bin for the coat hanger which was causing me anxiety. The thought of it cleaning carpets and being dirty could "contaminate"
    My new house.

    I may buy a new Hoover and store it somewhere else so I don't get anymore anxious

  3. #3
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    I have this too except mine is more with poisoning though I used to have it just as bad with germs.

    I also get it if I am outside and I touch a toilet door handle or anything public, I feel like I need to scrub myself all over afterwards and most of the time its not possible to do it so I keep reminding myself that I have to as soon as I get the chance and the longer I wait, the more anxiety builds up.

    I've had to stick my hand down my toilet before to unblock it because the plunger didn't do the job and even though I had gloves on and had anti bacterial soap to scrub with afterwards, I still used went for 2 baths and a shower that day after it and I threw out the clothes I was wearing even though they had been washed in the washing machine three times since that incident. I just couldn't bring myself to wear them again and even used gloves to take them out the bin for fear they were still contaminated.
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    "Save your sympathy for someone else. I don't need it or want it. What you call a panic attack is merely a few normal chemicals that are temporarily out of place in my brain. It is of no significance whatsoever to me!"

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    "Recovery lies in the places and experiences you avoid"

    Dr Claire Weekes.

  4. #4
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    Thanks glad I'm not the only one suffering.

    I will probably buy a new Hoover even though I don't need it but just worried about the germs even if the chances of the coat hanger not being in the room my thoughts have been so over powering this time I fear if I use this Hoover I will be worrying forever the place has germs but this is how my OCD behaves?

    How will I cope without having to buy and replace things?

    ---------- Post added at 23:56 ---------- Previous post was at 22:10 ----------

    And I'm now worried that I need to throw everything in my cupboard out even my new microwave.

    One thoughts say nothing happened it was just a coat hanger not a dirty one but I'm worried someone put it in and everyone is dirty
    Last edited by phil06; 24-08-15 at 22:22.

  5. #5
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    Phil,

    I really think you need some support from a therapist with this. It's clear that this is advancing and now you are moving into a stage of discarding things because of the "what if" of contamination.

    The human body is advanced, we build up our immunity as toddlers. Just look how toddlers are crawling all over the floor. The floor will be covering in germs & bacteria throughout the day as we are surrounded by so there is no escape. This is precisely why our bodies build up our immune systems when we are very young.

    You need to be challenging these thoughts and not giving into them by panicking or throwing things away or cleaning things. I know this is really really hard. I've not had contamination issues but I have had loads of OCD forms and it had me on my knees for ages but it doesn't now so I know you can get much better, because I was pretty poor at pushing myself on to do things and I'm a million times better now. So, if can do it, I believe everyone can.

    I believe you need support through a structured ERP programme to get you facing this but with the skills to get through it. Some of those skills will be things like Thought Records, relaxation, Mindfulness, etc as well as all the acceptance stuff but having a hierarchy structure of exposes from easiest to hardest (and potentially a further step beyond that of the normal practices in life to prove it has been beaten) will be a good way for you. There are guides on how to do this and I can happily post you something like this off the NHS websites but given how you are throwing thinsg away, selling stuff and how your thoughts are escalating to even more, I think you need some professional support for this. At a minimum an assessment of your needs should be done so you get an understand of how you can move forward.

    How about speaking to your GP to get the ball moving? You don't have to go the meds route and we all know that doesn't work anyway as only the hard work from yourself in recovery ever works. A referal for CBT would be a good thing.

    Honestly Phil, my OCD was out of control for the first year and I thought I was going crazy. I got into therapy, which helped a bit, got some understanding and started Mindfulness and kept challenging things and it got me to a much better place.
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  6. #6
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    I have battled OCD for years but in different phases sometimes it's worse than others. Sometimes I have to wash my hands more than others. Some of my worries don't bother me at all. I use to have Heath OCD, intrusive thoughts..

    Usually it's cheaper stuff I throw away underwear, a mop bucket, socks. For some reason I'm less anxious about other stuff on the cupboard as I feel it's the Hoover which can spread germs as its one that goes between rooms. I can wash a microwave but not a Hoover. But I can't get my head round it not being opened anyway but I still fear germs got in. I know if I use the Hoover once I move into this house I shall worry and think "omg my living room is contaminated" even if it makes no logical sense. Usually I get anxious over an actual reason e.g a blocked toilet or something as I said in my other posts but when my OCD is bad my mind springs thoughts out which are so powerful I avoid touching things, I clean things more or I avoid or sell. Perhaps the stress of moving intensifying it. All of my worries are based around toilet germs for some reason or things like under cooked or over cooked food or swallowing glass ect.

    I have been thinking about selling the Hoover for 48 hours now. I have also had thoughts people will come round to my house and mess my new bathroom up too. I worry I won't be able to keep it clean enough aswell.

    I've had theropy a long time back and it helped with some of my anxiety but there's waiting lists now. Couple of years ago it got quite bad so I paid for a therapist that helped a bit but in the end she even said I wasted money as she did free group sessions. Self help worked for me to get over panic attacks however with my OCD I have never really been able to get over it as I feel I need to worry that's the bottom line. I know it's not normal to behave with all these ocds but I can't imagine not cleaning my hands 20 times? In public toilets I can only clean once or twice because of embarrassment of looking mad but I feel unclean at home I can clean like 5 or 6 times..

  7. #7
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    You just mentioned something that I found myself but haven't seen much on threads - how the fear of embarrassment is stronger than the OCD. I had that. I would be walking along a main road checking every road sign over & over and it got worse so that I was "head bobbing" as it I was trying to make it sink in somehow. Yet if someone was walking behind me I would not do it more than once and avoid the head bobbing so it was a discrete ritual.

    It's strange isn't it how we can fear things enough to not be able to stop doing it yet if someone stands there we can. Did you find the compulsion wasn't as intesnse or subsided more quickly when in that scenario?

    OCD is almost like we just don't trust ourselves. Funnily enough it did used to be known as "the doubters disease".

    How do you feel about trying something like online CBT? You can get it free or some charge very little. Do you think that you could follow that with support on here? There are techniques you can try and it's easy enough to come up with ERP hierarchies, it's more doing them again & again thats the issue.

    You clearly have a lot of strength in you to beat your panic disorder.

    Bit annoying about your therapist, she should have advised you about that to save you money otherwise she's not very ethical.
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    For free Mindfulness resources, please see this thread I have created to compile many sources together http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=168689

  8. #8
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    Yes she took about £30 per hour but most of it was about positive thoughts and ignoring anxiety. And yes at train stations when I use the toilet and wash my hands once I am too busy with the train journey to worry about the hands. At home I have less tolerance and have thoughts like they are not clean enough or I touched something. I think when others do a quick hand wash it makes me feel more at ease I guess. If there's nobody in the public toilet I wash hands more so I'm in a way glad if there's others around.

    My mum said she never out the coat hanger in and it seems a crazy thing to do but I was out when she put it in the bin so I couldn't be sure it was in the bin hence why I checked but could only find one hanger I binned another one a day earlier. A few months ago I had a dream the dog poo'd my room and for about a month I avoided this corner of the room think I posted about it but it seemed real but today it seems more trivial.

    Being in my own house I can be more in charge of my own cleaning so that will help. I remember getting some good help here a while ago that helped but the forums less busy these days and online anxiety help is a bit of a jungle of information. The relaxation I use is not OCD specific more anxiety. I defo need more direction and now I'm moving I'm Hoping to spend time looking at helping my OCD as I don't have to spend all the time trying to find a house.

  9. #9
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    I think the extra stress you have had will easily play a part. I know my GAD causes my OCD to itensify with it. So, cutting down on stresses will help you get some more control back.

    I know what you mean about wishing someone was on there so it overrided your OCD, I've had that too.

    The problem with obsessional disorders like this is unless we get 100%, we think we can't accept it. This is that "All-or-nothing thinking" that you probably covered in your CBT. We need to learn to accept that having a possibility that something isn't what we think, is ok too. Some things are yes & no, others shades of grey and this is where we struggle. It makes perfect sense when you consider the fight or flight reaction which is looking to evaluate any risks and take an action that saves us. But if you think about fight or flight, how would running save you without any risk of being caught and how would fighting ensure you came out the victor? They don't so even at that raw level there is always doubt and acceptance has to be practiced. It's just more intuitive I guess.

    The thing is, germs are not always going to harm us. If I don't wash my hands before I eat, I won't end up ill because of that. Our immune system can cope with it. This is the type of thing you need to use in rationalising & challenging thoughts and then as you use exposure you can use that to help you through it.

    I know I've mentioned this before, and I don't want to appear as pursuading you to leave here because I don't think you need to, but would using the free forum on somewhere like OCD UK help? I'm just thinking there will be more people with contamination issues on there. I understand a fair bit about OCD in generation and loads about intrusive thoughts but not much about some types like this and I worry about you getting the right support because you don't get many replies on your threads.
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  10. #10
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    Re: Everything contaminated

    Just a though Phil... Obviously, I'm going to reiterate getting professional help. It's very wasteful (and expensive) discarding items due to your fears. If you are going to do that, why not donate them to the Salvation Army or a charity. There are many families that would be thankful to get perfectly good items.

    Certainly the best possible scenario would be to get a handle on this but don't just discard things if someone can benefit.

    Positive thoughts
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